ARE YOU DIABETIC? CHECK IT OUT!

More than a million Britons are unaware that they have diabetes, an alarming study has found.
Cases of the disease are soaring along with the rising tide of obesity.  The new data indicates that 5.5million people could be living with the condition by 2030, leaving the NHS to pick up the bill.  Many people are unaware that they are suffering from the early stages of Type 2 diabetes. Regular check-ups can help.
Diabetics are at higher risk of heart disease, stroke, kidney failure, leg amputation and blindness.

I've got type 2 diabetes.  To say it has changed my life is an understatement.  I got a neuropathy called CHARCOT'S DISEASE which has left me struggling to walk.  Four of my GPs failed to diagnose it until it was too late.  At some point they put you on insulin injections.  That's not a problem unless you don't like needles, but the big problem is it piles the weight on which gives you other weight related problems.

But it's not all bad news.  I've managed to loose 52kg, around 8.5 stones and I've been able to come off insulin although I am still on other diabetes medication.  I've gone officially from being a RIGHT, BIG FAT BASTARD to only a FAT BASTARD!  Fantastic.  But if you're a bit overweight and you're constantly thirsty or you pee a lot, GET IT CHECKED OUT!  PLEASE.

WORLD CUP-ENGLAND LOST BECAUSE ROONEY WAXED HIS CHEST!

UPDATE:ENGLAND OUT OF THE WORLD CUP-YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST  http://tinyurl.com/36dcbpz

A watertight contract for £6million a year and you want me to resign.

  Fuck off!

The latest theory to come out of the English media as to why England got knocked out of the World Cup, is, wait for it,  WAYNE ROONEY WAXED HIS CHEST.  This seems to have had some sort of biblical 'SAMSON' effect on young Rooney and taken away his football skills!  Fuck Me!  I've heard them all now.

STUPID 14 YEAR OLD GETS BURNT ON SUNBED AND IT'S SOCIETY'S FAULT!

OOOOH!  Isn't it terrible.  A 14 year old burns herself in an unmanned Sunbed Joint in Wales.  First of all, she shouldn't have been there as there was signs all over to say it was over 18s only.

When does anyone take any responsibility for their spawn.  She burst into tears when she got home and had to be kept off school and her equally stupid mother had to take time off work.  Secondly if it wasn't for these FUCKING STUPID CHILD ABUSE LINES started by that toothy fucker Esther Rantzen, (fuck me, I was glad she didn't get elected, self-righteous prick),  she should have been given a slap on the arse and had some calamine lotion or aftersun applied.  Thirdly, her fucking stupid parents who called out NHS 24 should be taken to court and fined for letting their daughter put herself in that situation and they should also have been slapped hard and long.

BTW that's not sunburn and it looks like her stupid mother has got it worse than her and she wasn't on a sunbed!  Fat, useless bastard. 

I'VE BEATEN THE SUN-I HAVE THE LINESMAN'S ADDRESS!

After extensive research on your behalf my ENGLISH COUSINS, I have unearthed the address of the dirty Uruguayan rat who cheated the mighty ENGERLAND out of their victory today over the GERMAN SWINESHAGGERS!  it is:

Snr Pablo Fandino, Avenida de los Germanicos, Montevideo, Uruguay, 33498.  His phone number is 00-34141567893, ask for Pab.  When you get there, give him a good kick in the bollox from me.  Blin' bastard!

BRITISH TROOPS TO HAVE THEIR BOLLOCKS PROTECTED.

British troops serving in Afghanistan are to have their BOLLOCKS/FANNIES protected by new reinforced boxer shorts which could stop some shrapnel from IEDs.

I wonder if they are reinforced at the back to counter the effects of a BAD CURRY?

ENGLAND V GERMANY-A NATION HOLDS IT'S BREATH!

Right that's it!  The bastards have finally worn me down. 

It's a strange thing.  I watch English football all season.  I know the Rooneys, Lampards and Gerrards better than I know Scottish Premier League players.   We have our own Parliament now and it genuinely was my intention to cheer England on, at least to the Quarter Finals.  But THOSE FUCKING COMMENTATORS have finally done my head in.  Particularly, CLIVE TYLDSLEY.  There is no excuse he doesn't use to talk about England and the England team when he is commenting on a game, even if England aren't playing.  He even used the excuse the other day that the ball boy had been shown round Stamford Bridge by John Terry's brother, FFS!  That gave him the excuse to give us an update from the England camp, despite the fact we had been given one, five minutes before! Do they not know that commentators are supposed to be neutral, even when commenting on their own country's games?  Take for example, BILL McLAREN.  You never heard him mention Scotland if he was commenting on England v Wales.  Even when he was commenting on a Scotland game, his voice never changed when Scotland scored.  Some of the current fuckwits could learn a thing or two about how to do a commentary properly.

So England v Germany.  Who'll win?  It doesn't really matter, because neither of them are good enough to win the cup.  None of them have really exceptional players and there are too many average players in both teams.  But if Germany do win, a nation WILL EXHALE that breath and if your standing anywhere near Carlisle, the wind will blow you off your feet!

ENGLAND FANS HOPE FOR HISTORIC DOUBLE, THE WORLD CUP AND A MURRAY WIN-EVENING STANDARD

Andy Murray was in a hurry at Wimbledon with a quickfire victory which kept English sports fans dreaming of a historic sporting double.  On the eve of England's crunch World Cup clash with Germany, Murray showed Wayne Rooney and company the way to do it by breezing past Gilles Simon in just 1 hour and 50 minutes.

Fuck me!  First they steal your oil and then they steal your tennis players.

KILLER GETS £45K DAMAGES BECAUSE PRISON SERVICE DIDN'T SORT HIS DENTAL FILLING!

A triple murderer has won £44,500 in damages from the prison service after complaining he was not given proper dental care when one of his fillings fell out.
Michael Steele claimed one of his fillings fell out at Belmarsh Prison.  Steele, who committed the notorious “Essex Boys” gangland killings, claimed that being refused adequate treatment at Britain's highest security jails left him in pain for seven years.

FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!  There are people all over the country who can't get a NHS DENTIST thanks to Labour and now mass murderers are getting damages because they had a cracked filling.  They should just have taken them out.  Why do you need teeth to EAT PORRIDGE?

SCOTTISH TORY'S ELECTION "MASTERMIND" IS SACKED!

The journalist taken on to mastermind the Conservatives' General Election campaign in Scotland, Michael Crow, has been sacked.  The Scottish Tories targeted 11 seats in Scotland and they won, err, the one they had before in Dumfriesshire, a rural county.

Along with Michael Crow, the leader in Scotland, 'Matron' Goldie, should also get the chop.  She is fucking hopeless.  There are a large number of people in Scotland who are pro-independence but are also anti the SNP's socialist, pro-European policies.  These people do not have a voice in Scotland and the Tories would be their natural choice.

The Scottish Tories have to stand on their own two feet and become independent of the English party an drop the 'Unionist' part of their name, which even many Tories think, wrongly, refers to the 'Union' between Scotland and England, when in reality it refers to the Northern Irish.  That is the first step towards the Tories revival in Scotland, particularly with the Holyrood elections a year away.

THE REMAINS OF 72 PEOPLE RECOVERED FROM GROUND ZERO IN NEW SEARCH

New York City officials say a renewed search this year of debris in and around the World Trade Center site has recovered 72 human remains.
The sifting of more than 800 cubic yards (612 cubic meters) of debris recovered from ground zero and underneath roads around the lower Manhattan site began in April and ended Friday.  The greatest number of remains – 37 – were found from material underneath West Street, a highway on the west side of ground zero.
The city began a renewed search for human remains in 2006. More than 1,800 remains have been found.

I've visited the site at GROUND ZERO when I was in New York and it is awe inspiring.  I am all for RECONCILIATION, but I'm not sure that building a MOSQUE on the site is the best idea.  I've no doubt however that the victims of the outrage will have their say.  Although I don't believe in religion generally, GOD, (or whatever), help those that died there including the young men whose minds were twisted by wicked bastards into believing they would be blessed by Allah in heaven or whatever they call it in Islam.

GORDON BROWN RE-EMERGES AS A PAEDOPHILE!

GORDON BROWN has finally re-emerged after 13 years of ruining this once great country of ours, as a PAEDOPHILE!
UNCLE GORDY, as he likes to be called, is pictured above with some of his young victims at Kirkcaldy Academy.  "Show me your bum and I'll let you polish my glass eye" quips Uncle Gordy, in a sort of jocular kind of way.  His uncle, 94 , also called Gordon, regularly visits the chemist in town to buy his Viagra which he likes to be cut up in quarters.  "You'll never get a hard-on long enough to have sex with a quarter Viagra" laughs the ex Prime Minister.  "I'm no caring son", replied his Uncle," as long as it sticks out far enough, so's I don't pish my slippers, that'll do me"! 

USELESS PRICK OF A STUDENT INVENTS COMPUTER PEPPER SPRAY FOR OFFENSIVE WORDS

Pepper Mouth from ozge kirimlioglu on Vimeo.

Some stupid prick of a student who has got nothing better to do with his time, has invented a 'pepper spray' device which emits an offensive smell from your PC when you type and offensive word.

That's me fucked then.  FART FACE doesn't have the same ring as DARK LOCHNAGAR!

SHOULD ANDY MURRAY BOW TO THE QUEEN AT WIMBLEDON?

Andy Murray is still dithering about one aspect of his Wimbledon strategy - whether to bow to the Queen.
The 'crabbit bastard' Scot says he hasn't quite decided how to acknowledge Her Majesty's first visit to the All England Club in 33 years.  His comments are casting a cloud over the tournament even before it gets underway today, and they set him apart from a raft of top players who said they would be delighted to bow or curtsy to the Royal Box on Centre Court.

Personally I think the decision should be up to him.  Would I?  I'm not sure.  I come from a family where my father stood up for 'God Save the Queen' when it used to be played at the end of that night's TV transmission, into the 70s I think.  I don't really feel that the Queen is my monarch.  The Royals have chosen to live in England since the reign of James the Sixth, that's the First to you English persons.  I don't believe the royals sojourn up here for the Braemar Highland Games in September, trailing Charles and 'horse-face' with them, who then insist in dressing up like something off a shortbread tin, is honouring their commitment to being Scottish monarchs.

I really don't believe in the whole set-up anyway.  Why do they need all these Royal residences.  Fuck me, there's literally hundreds of them.  What are they doing in these times of economic downturn?  How much less money is the Queen taking from the public purse this year?  Is she going to spend some of her own money?  What the fuck do we need her for anyway?  To dress up a couple of times a year and read out a prepared statement at the opening of Parliament? 
No, all in all, I think I might nod in her direction but although I admire her personally, albeit not the rest of her tribe, I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE BOWING.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN-DO NOT APPROACH HE MAY BE DANGEROUS!

Wanted by Scotland Yard, the man pictured above.  Believing to answer by one of his aliases BROWN, this man has been impersonating a CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHQUER and a PRIME MINISTER for over 13 years.

His last known sighting was in a CHARITY SHOP in KIRKCALDY, FIFE. 

THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. 

 DO NOT APPROACH! 

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES LEND HIM MONEY!

IT WOZ THE SUN WOT DUN IT!

PRESIDENT OBAMA PICTURED HAVING A SHITE ON THE BEACH!

ENGLAND VS ALGERIA- A WAR OF TWO NATIONS!

ENGLAND VS ALGERIA 18TH JUNE, 2010

A war of two nations - England and Algeria.

One of them, a fanatical Muslim country where bombers and terrorists are born and trained. Where tough Sharia Law is being implemented and white Christians are outcasts and live in constant fear for their lives.

The other is an African state.

h/t don't call me Dave

WANT TO GET AHEAD IN BRITAIN? JOIN THE PUBLIC SECTOR!

Public sector employees work nine years less than their private sector counterparts but are paid 30 per cent more, a bombshell report reveals today.
Extraordinary research tells a tale of two Britains - a state sector awash with taxpayers' cash while the rest of the economy struggles to stay afloat.
Public sector workers enjoy better pay than those in the private sector, as well as better pensions, shorter hours, and earlier retirement.

When I was a boy, only NUMPTIES worked for the public sector.  As I start to contemplate retirement however, I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I'M THE NUMPTY!

THE BP OIL SPILL-CLEAR IT UP AND STOP BORING US WITH THE ENVIRONMENTAL SHITE!

There is a huge demand in the World for OIL.  To fulfill that demand we have to drill in some inhospitable places and deeper than man has ever gone before.
From time to time, there are going to be accidents like the current one IN THE GULF.  There is more oil spilt in the Niger Delta than in this oil spill.  In a short while when they cap the leak and clean the beaches, no-one will remember it.  OK, some birds might die and maybe some fish and the odd whale and that would be a shame, but if you, (America), want oil then you will just have to put up with the odd ACCIDENT!

SO CLEAR IT UP AND STOP BORING US WITH YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL SHITE!

UPDATE: More oil is spilt in the Niger Delta every year as has been spilt in the gulf  http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/may/30/oil-spills-nigeria-niger-delta-shell

THE MYTH IS SCOTCHED-WHAT A SCOTSMAN WEARS UNDER HIS KILT!

It's no wonder her Maj has an enigmatic smile, she can probably get a wee waft!

If only CARLBERG, did every BALL COOLING session!

Even the kids know it!

Time we sent the "Devils with Skirts" back to AFGHANISTAN.  At least it worked with GUNGA DIN in "Carry on up the Kyber"!

*BREAKING*- WAYNE ROONEY IS A MUSLIM EXTREMIST!

Wayne Rooney, pictured yesterday, in a obviously false beard at the MUSLIM PROTEST against British Troops,  after Fabio Cappello let him miss training and fly home from South Africa.  Many ENGLAND FANS are now asking, "IS THIS THE MAN WE WANT PLAYING STRIKER FOR ENGERLAND"!

IT SEEMS TO BE FAT, UGLY MEN SEASON!

A policeman was jailed today for having sex with women drivers in exchange for letting them off motoring offences.  Traffic Pc Jamie Slater, 33, abused his position by pulling over women motorists - and offering them a deal: 'I'll let you go if you have sex with me.'

Now I'm no woman, but let me say, as most of you know, I have a very highly developed feminine side, but I would have had to be a MASS MURDERER before I'd let that UGLY, BALDY, SPECCY FUCKWIT, SHAG ME!

Not only that but we have GLASGOW LABOUR MSP, WANK McAVEETY getting caught on mike making comments about some 'FILIPINO' looking bird in the committee room of the SCOTTISH PARLIAMENT, who he compares to someone "off a GAUGIN painting"!  A Gaugin painting Frank?  Fuck me!  MICHAEL FOOT will be birlin in his grave tonight.  Mind you, not as much BIRLIN AS YOU'LL BE DOING WHEN THE WIFE GETS A HOLD OF YOUR WRINKLY, OLD NUTS! 

BALLS THE 'NAZI' FORGETS HE WAS ALSO A TORY IN THATCHER ERA

Ed Balls was accused last night of airbrushing out his Tory past to try to salvage his campaign for the Labour leadership.
'I started studying [the economy] in 1983 when Thatcherism was at its peak - and I realised immediately that I wanted to show you could run an economy in a way which delivered social justice,' said the former Schools Secretary.  But it seems Mr Balls, an outside bet for the leadership behind David and Ed Miliband, is having difficulty with his memory.
While he was studying Politics, Philosophy and Economics at Keble College, Oxford, far from being utterly wedded to the Labour Party he was in fact a member of the university Conservative Association.
It seems that BALLS like all his NULABOUR COLLEAGUES is a stranger to the truth.  The party who WILL SAY ANYTHING AND DO ANYTHING TO GET BACK IN POWER!

THE AMERICANS DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW!

*BREAKING*-MALES LIVING LONGER DUE TO POISON BAN-THE TELEGRAPH

The male population has soared across Britain due to the ban on the poison used to kill them.
Pest controllers have said they could number up to 40 million although the most recent estimate is currently 33 million.  The rise is due to a ban on the use of strychnine, commonly used as a means of killing males, as well as the foot and mouth epidemic which cut off rural areas from pest controllers leaving the male population unchecked.  The British Traditional Malecatchers Register, which represents 300 male trappers, has seen call-outs triple over the last two years.

It's nice to see males making a comeback after being in danger over the last 13 years or so.  However there is one male that we could do with getting rid of.  Regular readers will know that I am not one for using the 'C' word, but tonight I am, CHILES, FUCKING ADRIAN CHILES!  There I've done it.  ITV can you not sack the bastard?  We don't have any option BUT to watch the CHILES! 
 How that N.Irish lassie, could have let that UGLY, BRUMMIE WANKER  shag her, is beyond me!

BLOGGERS BEWARE!

IF there are any Bloggers out there who may have my limited abilities to put a blog together, or if you're thinking about starting a blog, please take my word for it, if you see anything that say "NEW" don't touch it with  FUCKING BARGEPOLE or else you may end up, like me, with a complete MAKEOVER OF YOUR BLOG, which I didn't WANT or indeed ASK FOR.  Are you listening YOU TWATS! (That's Blogger not you readers!)

LABOUR HAVE LEFT US OPEN TO E.U. INSPECTION!

Britain is powerless to stop European Union plans to have the British budget vetted before it is presented to the House of Commons, it has emerged.
The European Commission has decided David Cameron will not be able to veto controversial demands to see the Chancellor's plans before MPs.  The decision on whether to introduce the measure will passed by a simple majority vote – leaving Britain isolated.

Is this the state this country has come to.  We HAVE TO ASK THE EU IF IT'S OK NOT TO GO BUST.  FUCK ME!  What happens if we have another dispute with Argentina?  Do we have to clear the BUDGET with Mr fucking VAN ROMPUEY, a turkey necked, BEAURACRAT!  Stand up for yourself and this country in particular and tell ROMPEUY to go and FUCK HIMSELF!

HERE'S AN INTERESTING WEE PROPOSAL!

I was listening to, what's his face Cameron the other day wittering on about the budget deficit and how we must all pay for Labour's mishandling of the Economy.
When it struck me.  WHAT THE FUCK IS IT TO DO WITH ME?  I have never voted Labour in my life, in fact I would rather cut my right arm off.  I didn't benefit from extra dole money or child benefit or tax credits or HEE HAW ELSE over the last 13 years, so why should I pay?

So here's my proposal.  LET THE ONES WHO VOTED LABOUR PAY!  After all, we have all the voting records, so if you voted for them you should get your state money cut or pay extra in taxes or not get that hip replacement and you better fucking hope you don't get cancer, because there is no money to treat you.  Your bit of the Army is getting shite weapons, (well they've all got shite weapons in reality), they'll be no free school meals for your kids and they can taught by some PAEDO IN A PORTACABIN!

When it's Labour's turn to get back in, I will enjoy the fine economy that the Tories have left like the last time until LABOUR FUCK IT UP AGAIN!  Oh and the picture?  I JUST LIKED IT!

MY 1000th POST!

As tonight is my 1000th post since I started, I can exclusively reveal to you, that in reality, I am ABU HAMZA, Muslim extremist and Killie killer! No obviously I am not ABU,  a few of you have some idea of my identity but we'll maybe reveal them one day if we have a get together somewhere for a drink and a chat.

A Big thanks for putting up with my shite for over a year, my typos and the occasional spelling mistake that I don't pick up and for all your contributions, which I appreciate.  I've tried to make this a forum where you can say what you like without fear of moderation.  A special thanks to BANNED who has stuck with me most of the way and contributes the most of anyone, but all your contributions as I said are welcomed.  I hope I have entertained you over the length of time we have been together, I try to be as varied as possible but some times things annoy you!  I'm glad we don't get a GE every year as for a few days there I as POLITICKED OUT.  I know others felt the same way.  Gordon Brown for one, hee hee!

If you can put up with me talking PISH a bit more, I'll keep on doing it and FFS if you feel I'm getting boring, just tell me, I DON'T BITE!

THE DARK LOCHNAGAR BUDGET-SEE IF YOU AGREE!

If I was Georgio Osborne this is what I would do in the budget.  I know some of this would be Scotland's responsibility but in general terms.

• HEALTH-10% CUT.  I for one have got nothing but praise for the health service but as with all large organisations there is a lot of waste to cut.  Drugs, GP's salaries and staffing in clinics but not wards could all be cut, to start with and there then is plenty more to be going on with.
• DEFENCE-Bring the troops home from Afghanistan and Iraq, cancel Trident and the Aircraft carriers.
• FREEZE BENEFITS-Everybody has to contribute something.  Stop tax credits above £30k and means test child benefit and make it only payable up to two children.
• INCREASE TAX-Close tax loopholes, raise taxes above £50k and increase tax to 60% above £100k, increase CGT to the same rate as your nominal tax rate.
• CIVIL SERVICE-Slash top Civil Service pay.  No-one should be earning more than the PM. Slash Civil Servants pensions to a maximum of £50k per annum with a corresponding fall down to £30k
• OTHER DEPARTMENTS-To make an immediate cut of 15% rising to 20% by 2013

• UPDATE-Sorry I forgot my old friend, INTERNATIONAL AID.  THAT'LL SAVE £7.9 BILLION

The ones of course who will bleat the most will be the twats who voted LABOUR for the last 13 years but with pleasure comes pain, ying and yang, cause and affect etc.  Or put in the parlance of the streets, LABOUR FUCKED IT AS USUAL, NOW THE TORIES HAVE TO CLEAR IT UP, AS USUAL. 

LABOUR SUPPORTERS-ARE THESE THE MOST SICKENING PHOTOGRAPHS IN BRITISH POLITICAL HISTORY?

DAI BEVAN WILL BE TURNING IN HIS GRAVE!

ARE YOU A CHAV-THE DEFINITIVE TEST!

DO YOU PASS THE CHAV TEST?
Answer yes to three or more of these and you are considered common

1. Do your toddlers have pierced ears?
2. Are any of the doors of your car a different colour?
3. Have you ever purchased an item using the television?
4. Would you know how to cash a giro?
5. Do you own a snake or a lizard ?
6. Do you have tattoos over more than 25% of your arms ?
7. Do you shop at Iceland?
8. When you go out for a family meal does it come in a bucket?
9. Do you watch ITV 2 ?
10. Do most of your relatives live within walking distance?
11. Have you ever been involved in a paternity test?
12. Do you enjoy dog racing?
13. Do you shop at Sport and Soccer?
14. Do you have an account with Kays?
15. Have you ever been on holiday to a caravan park?
16. Did you name your children after celebrities?
17. Do you take off your top when you go shopping?
18. Do you own a 50" television?
19. Do you have an England flag hanging from a bedroom window ?
20. Do you watch Jeremy Kyle?

How did you fare?

IS IT CAUSE WE'S LABOUR?

A pub chain has told a gay group to grow up after it was refused service.  The Labour Party's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual Society said the duty manager at The Greencoat Boy pub in Westminster refused to serve them because they were gay.
The Punch Chain's spokesman said, "it was fuck all to do with them being Gay, it was because they are dirty Labour bastards and we no longer have to suck up their arseholes.  So tell them from Punch Inns to go and take a running fuck to themselves".

So, what do you think of that, my gender bending, Labour friends.  Are we going to stand for it.  I say no, we'll get our revenge in 15 years time when we might get another Labour Government.  By that time of course you'll be moaning about Cameron the way you now moan about Thatcher, blaming him for all the ills of the world.

When in actual fact, AS USUAL, YOU FUCKED THE COUNTRY AGAIN!

TELEGRAPH JOBS-RELIGIOUS EDUCATION TEACHER UP TO £99,999

THESE YOUNG LADIES LOOK LIKE THEY COULD DO WITH SOME R.E.

Teacher of RE (MS) - The Sanders Draper School

Reference: 0494221

Employer: London Borough of Havering

Location: London

Salary: Up to £99999

Benefits: Mainscale

 

I was flicking through the online pages of various newspapers looking for stories that might be of interest, when the above job vacancy caught my eye in the 'Telegraph'

 

Up to £99,999 for a R.E. teacher!  Fuck Me!  This vacancy, although it says London, is actually in Hornchurch which as far as I am aware is well on the outskirts.  The P.M. is only being paid about £20k more for running the country for Christ's sake.  Is it just me, talking pish again or does anyone down that way agree?

POLITICS EXPLAINED

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.  And

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take bagpipe lessons.

SIGN UP FOR THE LABOUR LEADERSHIP VOTE@they're all talking shite.com

WHEN I WAS IN THE 'PLANET OF THE APES' WE HAD BANANAS THIS BIG!

The Labour Party must become a "great reforming movement" that redistributes power and opportunity to enable it to regain the trust of the electorate, David Miliband has said.

You had 13 years to do that, YOU PRICK!  Instead you ruined the ECONOMY, made us the most TOTALITARIAN STATE IN WESTERN EUROPE and ruined your chances of seeing POWER again for another 15 years. NOW, FUCK OFF PYGMIES and let the TORIES sort out your mess, AS USUAL!

MRS DOUBTFIRE LOOKS TO THE TORY'S FUTURE BEFORE THEY GO DOWN THE TUBES!

The Tory party in Scotland are to set up a commission to look into their disastrous showing in the GE in Scotland.
Scottish Conservative leader Annabel Goldie said: "As a political party, we must always be open to fresh thinking and new ideas. It is a positive step to set up this commission.
"It will be open to everyone who has a view on how we take our party forward. No modern, progressive, political party should be resistant to change."
And the change is Annabel, break your ties with London, drop the Unionist from your title, (it refers to N.Ireland anyway), elect a younger leader not the frumpy old twat that you are and embrace independence for Scotland.
You say no party should be RESISTANT TO CHANGE, SO GO FOR IT! 

NOW BLAIR WORKS FOR THE LIBYANS-SHOULD HE BE ARRESTED FOR PAYOLA?

BLAIR SHAKES HANDS WITH A MADAME TUSSAUD'S DUMMY OF GADAFFI

Tony Blair has become an adviser to Colonel Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator's son has sensationally claimed.  Saif al-Islam Gaddafi said the former prime minister has secured a consultancy role with a state fund that manages the country's £65billion of oil wealth and was a personal friend and had visited Libya many times.
Last night, families of the 270 Lockerbie victims accused Mr Blair of breaking bread with people who 'have blood on their hands'.

Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with ex PMs making a few bob when they leave office.  BUT THIS FUCKER BLAIR, is rubbing our faces in it.  Questions should be asked as to when he first made contact with these INTERNATIONAL PARIAHS.  If it was before he left office and he was setting up business deals with enemies of this country he should be arrested FOR TREASON OR AT THE VERY LEAST PAYOLA.  BTW, I don't remember JOHN MAJOR or MAGGIE acting in this way when they left office.  The difference is of course that they are honourable people.  THIS SCUMBAG IS NOT!

BANKER SACKED FOR WEARING SEXY SKIRTS AND HIGH HEELS!

A banker claims she was sacked for wearing clothes that were too sexy.
Debrahlee Lorenzana, 33, said she was fired by Citibank because her pencil skirts and fitted suits distracted male colleagues.  She was told not to wear high heels because they drew attention to her figure and stopped men from working, according to a lawsuit.

Ridiculous.  I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT!

SAMCAM, SUBO AND PEGCLEGG ARE HAVING LESBIAN AFFAIR!

TWO LESBIAN PEOPLE YESTERDAY, 'GO AT IT'!

The PM and the deputy PMS' wives are allegedly having a sordid sex affair with SUSAN BOYLE, who they met at a DOWNING STRET reception, a week ago, last Wednesday.

SAMCAM, PEGCLEGG and sensational singing star and surprise SEX SYMBOL, SUBO met early yesterday morning, while their men were taking the kids to SCHOOL.  DOWNING STREET INSIDERS tell DL that the FROMAGE AU TROIS, has been going on for several weeks in elicit SEX DENS all over LONDON.

To my new Gay following, I am sorry about this article, but DL publishes no matter who is hurt.  The TRUTH MUST OUT!

HOW NOT TO GET A JOB IN DUNDEE, GOOD!

IS IT TIME INSTEAD OF BANNING GUNS, WE ALL GOT ONE?

The latest tragedy in Cumbria, is the latest in a long line of gun tragedies in this Country.  Hungerford, Dunblane and now Cumbria.
They say that it's not guns that kill, but the fucker who pulls the trigger.  I don't want to see guns banned, I've owned a shotgun in the past and 99.9999% of all people who have a gun, use it responsibly.  I also understand that in this country, gun crime of this type is actually quite rare.  I'm told that if you want to buy an illegal gun, they're easy to come by.  So is it time, we all had guns, like in the States, then at least we could kill the nutter that shoots indiscriminately at us.

IT'S TIME WE HAD THE DEBATE!

HOAX PHONE CALL TO EDDIE STOBART TRANSPORT-REALLY FUNNY!

THE ENGLISH FOOTBALL TEAM ARRIVE HOME FROM WORLD CUP IN DISGRACE!

UPDATE:  I'VE JUST NOTICED THE STEWARDESS'S FACE.  WHAT'S THE BETTING, SOMEONE HAS STUCK THEIR HAND UP HER SKIRT!

The English Football Team have arrived back home from South Africa in disgrace, after only managing to finish in third place behind the qualifiers from the 'GROUP OF DEATH', Algeria and the United States.
England finished in third position after defeats from The United Stetes and Algeria and a 'boring' goal less draw with Slovenia saw them eliminated.
The Team had to suffer shouts at Heathrow airports from enraged fans like "Fuck off, you speccy tally bastard", "Rooney, you big eared twat", "Lampard, your cock's hanging out" and "Gerrard, you're a scouse fuckpig"  Even seasoned Journos were surprised by the viciousness of the shouts.  Team Manager, Fabio Crapello, explained to the fans, "you canna fuki off.  Mi and mi Bambini, we make quattro milliones of your English Ponds per month, so who is monkeyfuks now"!
The new favourites to win the competition are the Dominican Republic, who humiliated holders Spain, 7-0 and are now 2/15 with William Hill.

CAMERON AND CLEGG WON'T WORK DURING 'FAMILY TIME',!

Cabinet meetings will be moved to 'flexible times' so the two fathers running Britain can take their children to school.  Prime Minister David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg delayed the meetings at No10 last week to allow them to spend more time with their children.

Fuck me, we better tell the Chinese not to explode a Nuclear Bomb over London, during Breakfast time or fucking bath time!
WINSTON CHURCHILL WILL BE BIRLIN' IN HIS GRAVE!

ENGLAND TO WIN THE WORLD CUP, ALREADY!

"Fans who thought they had missed the chance to say “I was there” as England won their first football World Cup for 40 years still have the chance"- The Times

FUCK ME!  Do they never learn?  Don't get me wrong,  I wouldn't mind seeing England winning the World Cup.  I watch their games and players all year.  Scotland currently are shite, so why wouldn't I want our nearest neighbours to win it?  The only fly in the ointment however, is that THERE IS AS MUCH CHANCE OF ENGLAND WINNING THE WORLD CUP, AS ME BEING THE NEXT POPE!

Sorry, I'll need to go.  There is some twat at the door in a red robe swinging one of those smokey things.

SNP TO DROP INDEPENDENCE MEANTIME-WELL YOU CAN HAVE MY RESIGNATION!

Alex Salmond thinks full Scottish independence should be put on the back burner and more financial powers for Holyrood made the top priority, according to one of the First Minister’s confidantes.
In remarks likely to dismay SNP members, Ben Thomson said Mr Salmond had told him the focus should be on making the Scottish Parliament “fiscally responsible”.  Despite the SNP’s long-awaited Referendum Bill being unveiled shortly, Mr Thomson said the First Minister was “dropping the ideas of independence for a time”.   Mr Thomson, chairman of investment bank Noble Group and head of think tank Reform Scotland, said the comments were made in a meeting with Mr Salmond last week.

I don't think Alex Salmond is taking the SNP in the right direction.  He should have been making a case for INDEPENDENCE at the General Election.  The GE campaign was a disaster, as I have said before on this blog.  I am sure that myself and thousands of other SNP members will be aghast at these comments and will be considering our membership,  if the Party are not taking us towards INDEPENDENCE. For FUCK'S SAKE ALEX, BE BOLD!  Don't fanny about with halfway houses!