SCOTTISH SECRETARY MURPHY IN SUICIDE ATTEMPT AFTER 'ANUS HORRIBLES'

Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy, was unfortunately recovering in Hospital after some stupid bastard rescued him, when he attempted to commit suicide at a Glasgow shipbuilding facility, earlier today.

Murphy, jumped into the freezing water after having consumed nearly a half bottle of Malt Whisky.  One of the production crew who were there a Mr John Brown said, "aye, yir Murphy man, was well pished.  He suddenly shouted something about an 'anus horribles' and jumped over the edge.  Most of the guys wanted to leave the wee bastard but the gaffer said we had to pull him up.  We did eventually, after we had been for our tea-break and by that time he had been in the water about 30 minutes and he looked even worse than when he went in, if that was possible."

Mr Murphy was rushed by ambulance to Woodford Green Hospital in London, a journey of 357 miles because no hospital in Scotland wanted to take him.  A Police spokesman later, told Dark Lochnagar, that investigations about the 'anus horribles' were still at an early stage and that they were not sure if the 'Anus' in question referred to Lord Foulkes or if Murphy was talking about his own.

BRITAIN MORE SUCCESSFUL UNDER JOHN MAJOR THAN LABOUR

The economy has suffered its worst decade of growth since the Second World War, figures revealed yesterday.

The findings, which show a far worse performance than under the Tories in the 1990s, raise serious doubts about Labour's claims to superior handling of the economy during its 13 years in power.  Gross domestic product, which is the country's total economic output, rose just 1.7 per cent a year in real terms, which means the figures have been adjusted for inflation.


At this low level, the last decade has been Britain's weakest period of economic expansion of any ten-year period since the 1940s, according to the research based on figures from the Office for National Statistics.

As usual Labour's ability to handle the economy properly is brought into question.  It has always been so, Labour fuck it up and the Tories have to take years to mend it.  Callaghan's mob was the same the last time having to call in the INTERNATIONAL MONETRY FUND to bail Britain out.  It's like declaring yourself bankrupt.  WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT the whole Labour mess has become.

In my opinion, there are only two ways to vote in Britain at the coming GE.  In England  a Conservative vote although I wouldn't discount UKIP in the right circumstances.  In Scotland the only vote is a vote for the SNP who at least will stick up for SCOTLAND over the next five years or so.  REMEMBER LABOUR'S FEEBLE FIFTY when Maggie Thatcher was in power.  WHAT A JOKE!

HAUD ME BACK! A BODYHUGGING VEST FROM M&S FOR MEN TAKES 1.5 INCHES OFF THE STOMACH!

Marks & Spencer are launching a range called Bodymax, which will help men to hide their bulges and show off a slimmer silhouette.

Its first ever range of shapewear for males is designed to flatten and shape the torso using shaped seams and a hidden support panel.
M&S said trials conducted on the range reported a reduction in waist measurements of up to 1.5in.
Made from fine stretch cotton, the range comprises a vest and T-shirt style and is available in black and white, a spokesman said.  Priced at £12 for the vest and £15 for the T-shirt, the range will be available in 70 stores nationwide and online from January 7.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THEY COME UP WITH THE VEST THAT TAKES 1.5 FEET OFF THE STOMACH.

CHINA SHOULD TELL BRITAIN TO FUCK OFF OVER EXECUTION OF BRITISH CITIZEN

Gordon Brown today led condemnation of China for executing a mentally ill, (?), British man who had been convicted of drug smuggling.
Akmal Shaikh, 53, was put to death by lethal injection just after 4am at Xishan detention centre in the western Urumqi province.  The father-of-five was buried immediately. He was the first European citizen to be put to death in China for 50 years.
In a statement shortly after Mr Shaikh's death, the Prime Minister said he condemned the execution 'in the strongest terms'.  He said he was 'appalled and disappointed' that persistent requests for clemency have not been granted.

Fu Ying, the Chinese Ambassador to London, was summoned to the Foreign Office this afternoon to explain her country's actions.  I hope she told them in no uncertain terms, to FUCK OFF AND  STOP POKING THEIR NOSES IN CHINESE DOMESTIC AFFAIRS.

When Britain starts to lock up PISSHEADS LIKE PETE DOHERTY AND KATE MOSS to name but two instead of making them CELEBRITIES then we have the right to interfere in other country's' affairs.  In CHINA if you are caught carrying more than 50 grammes of HEROIN then you are executed.  No clemency, no MENTAL HEALTH INVESTIGATION, that's it.  And guess what, they don't have a DRUGS PROBLEM!

WOULD YOU BE HAPPY HAVING A FULL 'NAKED' BODY SCAN?

SCAN PIC TO ENLARGE

Fears over airport security could leave millions of passengers facing the indignity of a 'naked' body scan and paying higher fares to fund it. 
Hi-tech body scanners can see through clothes to detect hidden weapons or explosives such as those used in the failed Christmas Day plot.  They produce an anatomical image of passengers' bodies, including breasts and genitalia, and have been attacked as too intrusive. Critics have described them as a 'virtual strip search'.  Home Secretary Alan Johnson, the postman, said the Government was looking at the use of the full body scanners, but admitted there were cost and privacy issues.

There is no point putting in the scanners, because already my ARAB COUSINS AND ME are looking at new ways to plant bombs in the INFIDELS' PLANES!

My YEMENI MUSLIM COUSINS have invented an explosive called TVNT.  It is KHAKI coloured and will be used in one of two ways 1) The genitalia bomb or, 2) The skidmark bomb.

For the GENITALIA BOMB  the explosive will be packed into the MIGHTY MUSLIM MANHOOD or the FAMOUS FATIMA FANNY and will be exploded by lighting said TAPER or CAVERN WITH A MATCH.

THE SKIDMARK BOMB is more high-tech and is devised to outwit even the cleverest INFIDEL SECURITY OFFICER!  The explosive is squeezed onto the knickers like a shitey skidmark.  If noticed by Security the Bomber only has to say he is afraid of flying.  The Bomber then goes to the toilets and sets his knickers on fire and hopefully KERBOOM!
Only two problems arise, which are the scorching of the Genitalia if the Bomb doesn't go off and the fact that TVNT smells like SHITE and therefore is a dead giveaway!  Or maybe not, if it's an ARAB.

THE STUDENT TERRORIST NETWORK-ENCOURAGED BY LABOUR!

Almost 1.5million student visas have been handed out in the past eight years.



The beneficiaries included Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the CHRISTMAS BOMBER - given permission by the Home Office to study mechanical engineering at University College London between 2005 and 2008.  A string of other terror suspects have used the student visa route into the UK - not always by attending so-called bogus colleges.  Ten of the 11 Pakistani nationals seized on suspicion of plotting an atrocity in the North West this year had student visas.




In 2008-9 the Government issued 236,470 full student visas. In 1998 the figure was 69,607. A further 144,000 students were given permission to enter for six months or less last year, as so called student visitors - giving a total of 371,000.  Three times the number of 'work permits' which were issued.  MOST OF THEM STAY HERE WHEN THEIR VISAS EXPIRE, AS THE LACK OF CONTROL IS A DISGRACE!

Universities have a financial incentive to offer places to foreign students, who pay full tuition fees of around £15,000 a year - up to five times the amount they receive from British youngsters. Many less-established universities and colleges have come to rely upon this income to stay afloat.

In other words, the rise of domestic terrorism can be laid at this SHITEBAG GOVERNMENT'S DOOR.  If Blair/Brown and their Cabinet of ex-busmen, postmen and for all I know fucking binmen had FUNDED UNIVERSITIES properly they would not have had to import these MUSLIM NUTTERS to our shores.  Why do we have to educate all these FORIEGNERS?  Keep the BRITISH UNIVERSITIES for BRITISH STUDENTS and the so called COLLEGES that have sprung up in recent years can revert to what they should be, TECHI-COLLEGES. 

LABOUR GOVERNMENT ARE BUGGERING UP THE ECONOMY SAY TOP ECONOMISTS

Leading economists yesterday accused Labour of 'total fucking incompetance' over its failure to explain how it will cut the soaring debt mountain.

The scathing attack came in a letter signed by 11 of the country's top economists, who described the Government's lack of detailed plans as 'frankly shite.'  They warned that Britain is on the brink of a financial precipice, and that national debt heading towards an unprecedented £2.5trillion 'could be very fucking worrying'.


Bank of England Governor Mervyn King called for a 'coke snort' to sort out Britain's busted public finances, 'just the way we used to do it before the recession'.  Labour's decision to postpone until after the election a Comprehensive Spending Review, which fixes departments' budgets over a three-year period, had heightened the risk to the economy and also shows that Brown is shitting himself, the letter said. This year's budget deficit, the gap between government spending and tax receipts, is a record £278billion.

What is becoming clear is that this LABOUR GOVERNMENT is like a rabbit caught in the headlamps.  Brown does not know which way to turn.  He is out of ideas and HIS OWN PARTY IS GUNNING FOR HIM.  Time he did the decent thing and SHOT HIMSELF either that or CALL AN ELECTION! 

SO IT STARTS-TICKETLESS TICKETS TODAY, EMBEDDED MICROCHIPS TOMORROW!

Sophisticated technology would not only consign the paper ticket to history, but would also make redundant, touch-in-touch-out cards, such as the Oyster used in London.  Instead passengers would board buses and trains equipped with readers which capable of monitoring their journey from the tags and charging them the correct fare automatically. 

"It will make using public transport much faster,' said Jeremy Acklam one of the authors of the research.  "The technology would reduce boarding time on buses," he added.  The electronic tag could be fitted as a chip on a plastic card - which would remain in the passenger's pocket - or be embedded into a mobile phone.

After of course everyone gets used to the 'oh so convenient chip in their phone' which allows them to pay for their transport tickets there will come the reasoning, "WHY DON'T WE JUST EMBED THE CHIP IN YOUR BODY" like we do with cats or dogs and then it will 'be so convenient' for you to TRAVEL, BANK, SHOP, MOVE BETWEEN EU COUNTRIES and OF COURSE THE NATIONAL POLICE WILL BE ABLE TO TRACK YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE.  They won't of course tell you that if you are a TROUBLEMAKER, or run a BLOG that doesn't suit their politics, THEN YOUR CHIP WILL BE SHUT DOWN.  That of course will mean that you aren't able to TRAVEL, BANK, SHOP, MOVE BETWEEN EU COUNTRIES but of course the NATIONAL POLICE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO TRACK YOU!

Not for me thanks.  But then again I don't have any children.  I or mine won't be affected by the NEW WORLD ORDER.  WILL YOURS?  My ancestors didn't die fighting for my freedoms to let the EU or the NWO or TECHNOLOGY, enslave me now! 

CRITICISM GROWS OVER STAZI LIKE SURVELLANCE OF PHONES!

Telecoms firms have accused the Government of acting like the East German Stazi over plans to force them to store the details of every phone call for at least a year. 

Under the proposals, the details of every email sent and website visited will also be recorded to help the police and security services fight crime and terrorism.  But mobile phone companies have attacked the plans as a massive assault on privacy and warned it could be the first step towards a centralised ‘Big Brother’ database.

They have also told the Home Office that the scheme is deeply flawed.  T-Mobile said in its submission that it was a ‘particularly sensitive’ time as many people were commemorating the 20th anniversary of the protests that led to the collapse of ‘surveillance states in Eastern Europe’.

This Labour Government is determined to force us into being a subservient, totalitarian STATE. 

WHY SHOULD THEY BE ALLOWED TO BUG EVERY PHONE CALL AND E-MAIL IN BRITAIN?

There has to be an INTERNET CAMPAIGN AGAINST THIS. 

Where are the big political BLOGGERS like IAN DALE or GUIDO? 

TOO BUSY WORRYING ABOUT THEIR MERCHANDISING AND THEIR STATS?

BROWN MUST GO-NEW PLOT TO REMOVE LABOUR LEADER

BROWN TO GO AND ONE OF THESE FUCKWITS WILL BE LEADER

Labour MPs are hatching a new plot to oust Gordon Brown, despite a narrowing in the Tories' opinion poll lead.

With less than six months until the Prime Minister must go to the country, some disgruntled MPs believe there is still time to ditch a leader widely seen as an electoral liability.  Plotters are looking to Spain where former premier Jose Maria Aznar pre-announced his retirement to allow a new party leader to be chosen in time for the 2004 election. Mr Aznar remained as prime minister until the election but Mariano-Majoy fought the campaign. Tony Blair adopted a similar strategy when he remained as premier while a Labour leadership contest was held.


Some Labour MPs, including several supporters of Foreign Secretary David Miliband, ONE OF THE FUCKWITS PICTURED, believe Mr Brown could also be persuaded to take the Aznar option by announcing in the next few weeks that he will quit politics at the election.

Now whilst I would agree that BROWN has been AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER FOR BRITAIN, can you imagine how much worse it could have been if one or both of THOSE MILIBAND PRICKS HAD BEEN IN CHARGE!