SCOTTISH TORIES ELECT GAY KICK-BOXER RATHER THAN MODERNISE!

Ruth Davidson is the new leader of the Scottish Conservatives after its members narrowly rejected her main opponent’s plan to disband and start a new right-wing party.

The 32-year-old former BBC journalist edged out Murdo Fraser by only 566 votes in the bad-tempered contest after he argued the Tory brand was too mistrusted north of the Border for the party ever to succeed.

But Miss Davidson, who is openly gay and a kick boxer, said she will unite the deeply-divided party and attract new support from sections of Scottish society that have stopped listening to the Conservatives. 

I honestly think the  Scottish Tories have made a huge mistake here.  I know there are a good number of people in the SNP who are centre right, but believe in Scottish independence.  A new centre right party, in favour of independence and separate from the English Tory party could have had a significant vote in Scotland.  Remember it's only 50 years since Scotland voted overwhelmingly Tory, helped to be fair, by the anti-Catholic and therefore anti-Labour vote of the Protestant majority.  The Tory party in Scotland's full title is the 'Conservative and Unionist party' and I think that tells you all about their members.  It doesn't say much for the other two candidates that they didn't do better, when a lesbian, martial arts boxer won the contest.

But, what does Ruth Davidson bring to the party?  She's 32 and this is her first time as a MSP.  Does she have the power base to be able to rule competently?  Or is she a stopgap for someone else?  As a former TV journalist, she appears to have some grasp of the issues at stake, but has she ever worked for anyone other than the BBC?  I don't know, but my guess would be that, she will not be as nearly as effective as Ms Goldie, who for all her matronly appearance, was, as we in the West of Scotland, say, 'a nippy sweetie'!

ANNABEL GOLDIE LOOKS AT NEW JOB OPPORTUNITY

ANNABEL GODLDIE LOOKS AT A NEW BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY SELLING MARGARITAS ON AYR BEACH

SCOTTISH LABOUR LEADER LESS POPULAR THAN A WET FART DURING ORAL SEX!

Scottish Labour leader, (!), Iain Gray, (@ElmerGrayFudd), has polled less than Conservative leader, Annabel Goldie, in the second such poll this month as the wheels come off the Labour campaign for the Holyrood elections in May!

The poll findings are: 

 

Which of these party leaders do you think would make the best First

Minister for Scotland?

Alex Salmond: 30%

Annabel Goldie: 9%

Iain Gray: 7%

Tavish Scott: 2%

None of these: 16%

Don't Know: 37%

Surely, the time has come for Labour to dump this walking disaster zone before he hurts their chances any further.  Lord George Foulkes is said to be hanging onto his Blackberry waiting for the call from Labour Headquarters in LONDON, as Ed Miliband weighs up his options.  Maybe wee 'Bendy Wendy', can be persuaded to 'BRING IT ON'!

 ROFLMFAO!

SCOTTISH TORY'S ELECTION "MASTERMIND" IS SACKED!

The journalist taken on to mastermind the Conservatives' General Election campaign in Scotland, Michael Crow, has been sacked.  The Scottish Tories targeted 11 seats in Scotland and they won, err, the one they had before in Dumfriesshire, a rural county.

Along with Michael Crow, the leader in Scotland, 'Matron' Goldie, should also get the chop.  She is fucking hopeless.  There are a large number of people in Scotland who are pro-independence but are also anti the SNP's socialist, pro-European policies.  These people do not have a voice in Scotland and the Tories would be their natural choice.

The Scottish Tories have to stand on their own two feet and become independent of the English party an drop the 'Unionist' part of their name, which even many Tories think, wrongly, refers to the 'Union' between Scotland and England, when in reality it refers to the Northern Irish.  That is the first step towards the Tories revival in Scotland, particularly with the Holyrood elections a year away.

MRS DOUBTFIRE LOOKS TO THE TORY'S FUTURE BEFORE THEY GO DOWN THE TUBES!

The Tory party in Scotland are to set up a commission to look into their disastrous showing in the GE in Scotland.
Scottish Conservative leader Annabel Goldie said: "As a political party, we must always be open to fresh thinking and new ideas. It is a positive step to set up this commission.
"It will be open to everyone who has a view on how we take our party forward. No modern, progressive, political party should be resistant to change."
And the change is Annabel, break your ties with London, drop the Unionist from your title, (it refers to N.Ireland anyway), elect a younger leader not the frumpy old twat that you are and embrace independence for Scotland.
You say no party should be RESISTANT TO CHANGE, SO GO FOR IT! 

WTF IS WRONG WITH THE SCOTS?

As things stand in Scotland, we might have not bothered going to the polls yesterday.  Sat on our big, fat, lardy, subsidy-junky arses and left it up to to the English to change the Government.  A Labour government led by the most unpopular PM in history.  A country changed from being 13 years ago, a green and pleasant land to one where totalitarianism, State power and celebrity are the norm instead of the traditional avenues to success of hard work and family values and where respect for you neighbours has become an anathema.
Indeed the Labour vote in Scotland has actually gone up!  So what was the reason?  I think the SNP vote was more damaged by not being part of the Leaders' debates that even we, in the SNP thought.  I think Brown's popularity is higher in Scotland than we took account of.  With most of the day to day running of the country now being done by the Scottish Parliament, the electorate don't feel Westminster has the same impact.  The Tories in Scotland haven't had a effective Leader since David McLetchie.  Annabel Goldie, she of the outraged face, is a disaster.

There have been very few times in my life when I have been ashamed to be Scottish.  Today is one of them.  However, if the Tories form the next Government, then I believe Scotland will be independent before the next five years. 

SHOVE YOUR BURNS SUPPER UP YOUR ARSE

Whilst we in Scotland celebrate Burns Night by getting pished, maudlin (Scots word for recounting sad occasions, sort of) and eating an admittedly delicious mixture of OFFAL WRAPPED IN A SHEEP'S STOMACH, in AUSTRALIA where they have just celebrated AUSTRALIA DAY, they mark the day by having young women dressed in bikinis, WRESTLE IN VEGEMITE.  ( Rather than MARMITE in case there are any VEGETARIANS present ), ( No Harriet Harmans there then! ).

I wonder if Alex Salmond could persuade ANNABEL GOLDIE and JACKIE BAILLIE to wrestle NAKED IN A VAT OF COLD PORRIDGE to mark ST. ANDREW'S DAY.

NO, MAYBE NOT THEN!

ENGLISH TORIES COPY SNP ALCHOHOL PLANS

The Tories have unveiled radical plans to crack down on the binge-drinking culture.
They would treble taxes on alcopops and strong lagers and ciders, outlaw 'loss leader' sales in supermarkets and strip takeaways and food stores of late-night licences.
Such tax changes would mean a four-pack of extra-strong lager such as Carlsberg Special Brew costing an extra £1.30, a bottle of powerful cider an extra £1.25 and a bottle of alcopop an extra 50p. But duty on low alcohol products would be slashed.
The party says wines, spirits and 90 per cent of the beer and cider consumed in Britain would be unaffected.

That sounds suspiciously like THE SNP PLANS unveiled by the Justice Minister, three months ago, which were decried from the TORY SIDE OF HOLYROOD by WEE BILL AITKEN.

Well MS GOLDIE it seems as if your ENGLISH MASTERS have given you a RED FACE ONE MORE TIME!

Drop the UNION AND FIGHT FOR SCOTLAND AND YOU'LL SEE YOUR SUPPORT TREBLE!