ELMER GRAYFUDD-A MAN OF VISION!

SCOTTISH LABOUR LEADER LESS POPULAR THAN A WET FART DURING ORAL SEX!

Scottish Labour leader, (!), Iain Gray, (@ElmerGrayFudd), has polled less than Conservative leader, Annabel Goldie, in the second such poll this month as the wheels come off the Labour campaign for the Holyrood elections in May!

The poll findings are: 

 

Which of these party leaders do you think would make the best First

Minister for Scotland?

Alex Salmond: 30%

Annabel Goldie: 9%

Iain Gray: 7%

Tavish Scott: 2%

None of these: 16%

Don't Know: 37%

Surely, the time has come for Labour to dump this walking disaster zone before he hurts their chances any further.  Lord George Foulkes is said to be hanging onto his Blackberry waiting for the call from Labour Headquarters in LONDON, as Ed Miliband weighs up his options.  Maybe wee 'Bendy Wendy', can be persuaded to 'BRING IT ON'!

 ROFLMFAO!

ED MILIBAND-COUNTRY IN THE SHITE, NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!

Red Ed Miliband at cuts march in central London just as the violence started:

"We come in the traditions that have marched in peaceful but powerful protest for justice, fairness and political change," he said.

"The suffragettes who fought for votes for women and won. The civil rights movement in America that fought against racism and won. The anti-apartheid movement that fought the horror of that system and won."

Now whether you think the cuts are too deep and too quick, they are only marginally less than what the prospective Labour Chancellor, Alistair Darling, was proposing before the election.  Is RED ED now claiming that he was not part of the Government that fucked up the British economy by allowing the banking sector a carte blanche to do whatever the fuck they wanted?  

Is he actually comparing a march by Trade Unionits in London to the fight for votes for women, the Civil Rights campaign and the anti-apartheid movement.  What a fuckwit!  At this rate we could get @ElmerGrayFudd as a future Labour Leader!  Aaaaaaargh!

JACQUI SMITH-HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN!

 

 Standing outside a porn shop in Soho, former Home Secretary, JACQUI SMITH, is seen waiting for her pimp who is lining up her next customer.  Wearing a tatty old raincoat, she is just a shadow of the fine woman that took all the men on, with such gusto.  Ever since that day that her husband was seen with the wank videos which had appeared on Smith's Westminster expenses, her carer has spiralled downwards.

Her fanny muscles are strained to the limit, the scratch marks on her once proud, erect breasts illustrate the deprivation to which she has sunk.  Friends say she now seems distant and the injection marks on her arms show that she has resorted to injecting heroin, a habit she got into when she and Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, would have sex parties and she was forced to make lesbian love to Brown's wife, Sarah.

Smith though, is not a cheap whore like many in her profession.  She is known professionally as 'Whippy Wendy' and her speciality is making men squirm before her 'cat o' nine tails' which she has taken over the rumps of some of the most powerful men in the country.  Some of her customers include Nick Clegg, Peter Mandelsen and the Leader of Scottish Region of the Labour party, @Elmer GrayFudd, the new Twitter star.

Her husband, the man who caused her downfall, as currently working as a rent boy in the employ of 'two Jags' Prescott, the former deputy Prime Minister and now Lord Prescott, 'the vermin with the ermine' as he dubbed his noble Lords before taking ennoblement.  The Media though that he nickname, 'two Jags' was made after his habit of having two Jaguar cars when it was actually named after his drug habit, which had become uncontrollable during the last few months of the Labour Government.

(Extracts taken from Ms Smith's new Biography, 'My Man's a Whoremaster-My Years in New Labour, available at all branches of Bargain Books, priced at £1.25)