ENGLAND FANS HOPE FOR HISTORIC DOUBLE, THE WORLD CUP AND A MURRAY WIN-EVENING STANDARD

Andy Murray was in a hurry at Wimbledon with a quickfire victory which kept English sports fans dreaming of a historic sporting double.  On the eve of England's crunch World Cup clash with Germany, Murray showed Wayne Rooney and company the way to do it by breezing past Gilles Simon in just 1 hour and 50 minutes.

Fuck me!  First they steal your oil and then they steal your tennis players.

THE AMERICANS DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW!

ENGLAND TO WIN THE WORLD CUP, ALREADY!

"Fans who thought they had missed the chance to say “I was there” as England won their first football World Cup for 40 years still have the chance"- The Times

FUCK ME!  Do they never learn?  Don't get me wrong,  I wouldn't mind seeing England winning the World Cup.  I watch their games and players all year.  Scotland currently are shite, so why wouldn't I want our nearest neighbours to win it?  The only fly in the ointment however, is that THERE IS AS MUCH CHANCE OF ENGLAND WINNING THE WORLD CUP, AS ME BEING THE NEXT POPE!

Sorry, I'll need to go.  There is some twat at the door in a red robe swinging one of those smokey things.

SHOP SELLING 'ANYONE BUT ENGLAND' WORLD CUP SHIRTS ARE WARNED BY POLICE

A company selling "Anyone but England" T-shirts for this year's World Cup has rejected suggestions it is racist after police in Aberdeen visited its store.  Police warned Slanj, which also has stores in Glasgow and Edinburgh, that a window display featuring the shirt could cause offence.

Grampian officers advised a store worker to consider whether the display was appropriate and should be removed.  Ross Lyle, from the company, said: "To be honest we're absolutely flabbergasted.  "We have been selling this T-shirt for the past three months and we've had a great response.  "Even the English people who come into the store think it's a laugh and just a bit of tongue-in-cheek football banter.

Aye, I suppose it is a 'bit of a laugh' and twenty years ago, I would have been at the front of the queue to buy one.  But I may surprise a few people when I say that I think we in Scotland with some degree of autonomy from England, although I would like more,  should be a bit more mature and drop this xenophobic attitude.  Personally, I hope England do well.  I watch their players playing every week, because let's face it, Scottish Football is SHITE!  There is more chance of me winning Friday's Euro Lottery as there is of SCOTLAND WINNING THE WORLD CUP.

Now, WHERE DID I PUT THAT TICKET?

ENGLAND FANS-GET YOUR WORLD CUP STAB VESTS HERE!

The stab vests being sold to England fans for the World Cup

Stab vests sporting the England flag are being sold to fans bound for the World Cup - sparking claims the company behind them is cashing in on fears of South Africa's crime rate. 

It is claimed the £50 vests, which carry the cross of St George, will protect fans from stabs, cuts, slashes and blows from sharp-edged or spiked weapons. 

I'M BEGINNING TO BE GLAD SCOTLAND DIDN'T QUALIFY!

NEW WORLD CUP BLOW FOR ENGLAND-SPECIAL REPORT!

CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE

In a shock move all Muslim English men have been banned from supporting the ENGLAND FOOTBALL TEAM at the WORLD CUP in S. AFRICA, next year.

In a shock statement, AYATOLLAH ALI KHAMENEI said " me and the lads, don't think English Muslim men should be supporting England next year.  It would be better if they choose a nice Muslim team like Somalia or Pakistan, alright mate!  Me and the clerics are going to have a JIHAD man, against any England supporters we might meet at the games.  And BTW that big Crouchie, nice lad, but a bit of a FANNY, know what I means?