BROWN SAYS TORY IMMIGRATION SCARE TACTICS APPEAL TO XENOPHOBIA

Gordon Brown warned today against political parties 'scaremongering' about immigration in the general election campaign.
In a highly-political speech devoid of policy, the Prime Minister condemned the Conservatives for appealing to the 'worst instincts of nationalism and xenophobia'.

You and your Government have let every Tomas, Ricardo and Mohammed into the country over the last thirteen years in the hope that they would be so gratified that they would vote Labour when they became citizens.  So you ONE-EYED, LYING BASTARD, don't 'WARN' other people when they try and CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT!

PET SHOP OWNER LEFT TRAUMATISED, FINED AND TAGGED!

The woman who has owned the above PET SHOP in Manchester has just been FINED £1000 and HAS BEEN ELECTRONICALLY TAGGED for two months.
Her son of 47 has been ordered to do 120 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE.
THEIR HEINOUS CRIME?  To unwittingly sell a goldfish to a 14-year-old boy taking part in a trading standards 'sting'.  At most, pet shop owner Joan Higgins, 66, expected a slap on the wrist for breaking new animal welfare laws which ban the sale of pets to under-16s.  

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO?  ALL THAT, FOR A FISH?

WHY WITH THE MOST HATED P.M. IN HISTORY ARE THE POLLS SO CLOSE?

David Cameron must ask himself that every morning.  After 13 years of Labour misrule with the Economy FUCKED, every single measurement of ANYTHING POLITICAL worse now than in 1997 and AT BEST we're heading for a hung parliament.


Well David, the answer is, YOUR FUCKING HOPELESS!  That goes as well for that little TWAT, OSBORNE.  A pair of HOPELESS BASTARDS.  You look at some of the prominent TORY GRANDEES like  Michael Portillo, Kenneth Clarke and William Hague and you think to yourself why did the Tories choose Cameron?  Why did Hague not wait and never, never wear a baseball cap?  Why did Portillo retire?  Why is Kenneth Clarke an unambitious bastard?  Can John Major still make a comeback?  Is Maggie really GA-GA!  OK, forget that one.

WE CAN'T BE IN FOR ANOTHER FIVE YEARS OF LABOUR?  CAN WE? 

NOW HEALTH AND SAFETY DOES FOR POSTMENS' BIKES!

They have survived for more than a century as one of our most familiar sights: the traditional British postman trundling up the lane on his sturdy bicycle.
But now pedal-powered deliveries are falling victim to the 21st century's most fearsome foe... health and safety.  The Royal Mail's chief executive Adam Crozier is phasing out the company's 24,000 English-made bicycles and replacing them with vans because of the 'safety risk'. 

FUCK ME!

BRAND NEW FANTASY SHOW COMING TO SCOTTISH TELEVISION STARRING A FAT, SPECCY, GAY BASTARD!

UPDATE:  This is the comment you get from the twisted, bitter gay lobby when you point out that someone like Steven Purcell is not heterosexual.

ANONYMOUS  SAID......
Well, i'll remain anonymous, and you remain an appalling, hamfisted "writer". You could never get published, but the net convinces you you have some credibility.
Your prose is appalling, your jokes blockheaded and predictable, and your tone is completely without wit.
You're just a useless, bitter, talentless cunt. Cancer is for people like you.
 
WHAT A SAD TWISTED BASTARD!



Details are emerging of a great new fantasy show coming to Scottish Television, starring someone like the fat, speccy, gay bastard in the picture above.

The fat, speccy, gay bastard lives in a city once described as the 'SECOND CITY OF THE EMPIRE'.  A city with more Parks that any other city in Europe.  A city that grew rich on the back of the Tobacco Lords many years before.  A city of rich architecture with many museums and art galleries.  A city where you would think the people would live in great contentment until a very old age.  BUT NO!

This city has been ruled for over 50 years by a political party who claim to be of, and for, the working man.  Yet, many parts of this fair city have districts where an average male can expect to LIVE UNTIL ONLY 54 due to the high level of degradation and ill health.  That is lower than anywhere else in WESTERN EUROPE and practically anywhere else in the world.  Even in the affluent parts of this fair city, recent studies have shown that the populous die at an early age.

But some of the party of the common man has done particularly well out of this arrangement.  In particular the CATHOLIC, CELTIC FOOTBALL CLUB SUPPORTING CABAL of whom the fat, speccy, gay bastard was the leader.  These COMRADES have carved up contracts and positions within the fair city's council for years making themselves rich above their wildest dreams, indeed some became millionaires and their largess was fulsome.
But then DISASTER!  THE FAT, SPECCY, GAY BASTARD BECAME A COKEHEAD AND A DRUNK!  He booked into a clinic and escaped by climbing out of a window.  Captured, and after allegations of blackmail and visits from the Police surfaced in the press, he fled to AUSTRALIA resigning both as LEADER OF THE COUNCIL AND AS A COUNCILLOR.

Now, you would think in a fictional story that the end would have been an investigation by the PUBLIC SPENDING WATCHDOG into CONTRACT IRREGULARITIES and in particular into a COUNCIL OWNED BUILDING COMPANY which only employs LABOUR PLACEMEN and by the POLICE into CRIMINAL MATTERS regarding the council.

But, DON'T BE SILLY!  THIS IS GLASGOW AND THE FAT, SPECCY, GAY BASTARD IS STEVEN PURCELL and they don't do investigations there, in case the POOR,  ILL,  STUPID PEOPLE WAKE UP AND VOTE FOR SOMEONE ELSE! 

PUBLIC SECTOR WORKERS OFFERED CARS FOR TURNING UP FOR WORK!

Many workers in the Public Sector where absenteeism rates are twice that of the Private Sector are being offered cars and holiday vouchers in an effort to get them to improve their attendance records at work.

Well I've got a suggestion for the Chancellor, whoever the next one should be.  Let public sector workers know how it is to be SELF EMPLOYED.  They should NOT be paid for any days off they take ill, their holidays should be unpaid and there should not be any payments to their index linked pensions on these occasions.

THAT OUGHT TO SAVE US A FEW BOB!

BARRISTERS SAY THEY CAN'T LIVE ON THEIR WAGES!

Barristers in England have told Jack Straw that they can't survive on their income from LEGAL AID cases which they say currently runs at £60 per hour, which they insist is less than a CAR MECHANIC, AYE RIGHT! 
Samples of barristers defending recent Crown Court cases found that the daily fee for a nine-day theft case was £521.66 (ten years’ qualified); for a four-day robbery trial was £483.91 (three years’ qualified); for a sexual assault it was £568.74 (four years’ qualified) and for a case of actual bodily harm (six years’ qualified) £515.68.

Hmmm!  TWO AND A HALF GRAND A WEEK!  That's even more than they get in that other great institution, the House of Commons.  And that's for the legal aid cases.  They can't fool us you know.  We've all watched RUMPOLE OF THE BAILEY and he had so much money he could afford a bottle of Claret every night at Pomerey's wine bar and he had brilliant hours.  So  I think Jack Straw, Lawyer or not, should tell them to AWAY AND THROW SHITE AT THEMSELVES!

SCOTTISH HIGHER MATHS PAPER-GLASGOW REGION

SCOTLAND
DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2010
HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

GLASGOW REGION

Name…………………………………….


Nickname………………………………..


Gangname………………………………
1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine for large. He wants to make 300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection money. How much must he charge for a gram?

2. Wee Davie reckons he’ll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week if he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the wedding will cost him £587. And he’ll have to start buying two fish suppers every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie wishes he’d stayed single?


3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes when they’re winning and every 15 minutes when they’re losing. How many times did they sing it at last season’s Cup Final?

4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the clock – and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it had been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?


5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The Flake got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous convictions did Fingers have?


EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers’ Brief?

I'M BREAKING THE OFFICIAL SECRETS ACT BUT HERE'S THE VIDEO THE ARMY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!

NOW I KNOW HE'S LOST IT. BROWN PRAISES THE 'GRAY' MAN!

Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, managed to put in an appearance at Labour's spring conference today after travelling up from Peterborough, where he appeared at another conference.  (Who the fuck's running the country)?  He praised the party's Holyrood leader Iain Gray, describing him as one of the "architects of Labour's fightback in Scotland".  Mr Brown made a jibe at the SNP First Minister of Scotland, Alex Salmond, saying Mr Gray's efforts at Holyrood had "ensured that the Salmond season is well and truly over".

The one-eyed twat has obviously lost it altogether if he thinks that fucker Gray is an effective leader and is ANY MATCH for Alex Salmond!  He would be hard pushed to run an ice-cream van, never mind a RAGTAG POLITICAL PARTY!


Brown also said  "We will work together to implement, following the Calman report, the next stage of devolution to the Scottish Parliament."  That could see Holyrood get more powers over drink driving, speed limits and air weapons.
 
Fuck me, HAUD ME BACK!  Our own control over speed limits and air guns.  Whoopydoo!
 
P.S.  Looking at the photo above, I think the Grayman could be in the first grips of Alcoholism, going by his ruddy face.

OVERSEAS AID-SHOULD IT BE CURTAILED?

Now don't get me wrong.  I believe that as a rich country that has benefited from an Empire which built this nation up to what it is today, we should contribute to overseas aid.

The problem is however, that we are skint.  Broke.  Up the Yangtze river without a paddle.  Through the Department of International Development, (DFID), we contribute 0.7% of GDP or currently £9.1 billion.  I don't know about you but I was astounded by that figure.  Both Labour and the Tories have committed as one of their election pledges to maintaining that percentage.  We also of course contribute as part of the EC.  We currently have a net contribution to that fine institution of £7.6 Billion.  That's a total of £16.7 billion.

We as a couple contribute £30 monthly to Medicins San Frontiere.  We did seriously consider if we should stop that payment as we like many other people are financially squeezed.  I decided as I believe in the 'what goes around comes around' principle to leave it in place.  Can you imagine however, if as an individual, you were BANKRUPT like the UK is and you had to make arrangements with your creditors but you insisted on giving a sizable amount to charity, well then I would imagine you would be told to fuck off in no uncertain terms.  I would think that most of these POOR COUNTRIES don't have a national debt of approaching £1,000,000,000,000.  So maybe it's time we cut back, just for a few years, our aid programme.

Oh, BTW, the DFID are boasting on their website that they've just made £150 million pounds of 'efficiency savings'.  UNBELIEVABLE! 

MURPHY TALKING SHITE AGAIN!

Labour's man in Scotland, reckons we're being too tough on the GLASGOW CABAL, WHO HAVE RUINED A ONCE GREAT CITY!
The Bastard should hang his head in shame.  The highest deprivation in the U.K..  The lowest LIFE EXPECTANCY IN THE U.K., even in the WEALTHY BITS!  Whose been in power in the council over the last 50 years, why the THE LABOUR PARTY? FUCKING JUG-EARED PRICK! 

Nicola Sturgeon  used her speech to the SNP conference last weekend to say it was "time to shine a light - a very bright light - into the murky corridors of Labour-controlled Glasgow City Council" and I think everyone in Scotland would agree!

B&Bs TO BE FORCED TO SERVE 'GAY BREAKFASTS'-SHOCK NEWS!

A LESBIAN CHICKEN YESTERDAY WHICH ONLY LAYS LESBIAN EGGS

BRITAIN'S B and Bs could soon be prosecuted for discrimination unless they offer customers the choice of a gay cooked breakfast.

Does Britain have enough lesbian chickens?Ministers want to extend the current legislation that requires all hotels and guest houses to ensure the availability of at least two gay beds at all times or at least one very large one.  Sources say B and Bs will be in breach of the law unless they offer gay eggs, same sex tomatoes and a spoonful of beans arranged in the shape of Toto from The Wizard of Oz.  The move comes just days after a couple were refused a gay breakfast at a guest house in Berkshire.

Apologies to my new GAY readership.  But it is quite funny!

CHECK OUT THIS JOURNALIST'S NAME- IT'S A CRACKER!

h/t to don't call me Fred

Vienna Boys’ Choir caught up in sex abuse scandals

Roger Boyes, Berlin Correspondent of The Times

DISGRACE OF THE SIZE OF PENSION OF HOPELESS DE-SELECTED M.P.

An MP who was deselected by the Labour party after local activists accused her of incompetence could receive a pension worth tens of thousands of pounds.
Anne Moffat, who represents East Lothian, said she has a deal in place to retire due to ill health.  This is despite her arguing that she should be able to stand for the party in the next general election.  Ms Moffat, 51, could receive a pension of about £30,000 a year plus a one-off payment of £32,000.

This hopeless individual has been effectively SACKED by her local party because she is INCOMPETENT.  Why should she be getting a PENSION paid by us as if she was unable to continue due to ill health?
Is this ANOTHER CASE of ONE RULE FOR THEM AND ANOTHER FOR US?

OSBORNE SCRAMBLING TO FIND £10BN TO STAVE OFF N.I. RISE-A SOLUTION!

George Osborne is scrambling to find billions of pounds to stave off Labour’s proposed national insurance rises as the Conservatives seek to sharpen election dividing lines.

Just tipping the wink, George, but why not ask LORD ASHCROFT? He seems to have a few bob according to LABOUR.  You could maybe make him KING or SOMETHING!

A BAR STOOL FOR A 'REAL' SCOTSMAN

PICTURED IN ABERDEEN-A BAR STOLL FOR A 'REAL' SCOTSMAN WHO DOESN'T WEAR ANYTHING UNDER HIS KILT!

UPROAR AT CHANNEL 4 COUNTDOWN PROGRAMME!

MAKE A WELL KNOWN, SIX LETTER, ANGLO SAXON EXPLETIVE OUT OF THAT!

THIS IS NO A BUDGET FOR US CIDER DRINKERS-DARREN MURPHY

For an alternative view on the BUDGET we go over to DARREN MURPHY, (pictured centre)

"Whit do I think of the Budgie?   Ha, Ha, Budgie!  Get it?  That's cracking that!  My maw was saying that the CIDER going up 6p a two litre bottle.  That's shite that, BTW.  Ah'll maybe have to start charging mair fur ma wraps of Skunk.  Either that or there'll need to be less stuff in a wrap and ma punters will no be happy aboot that!  That bastard dissnae understand the economic consequences of putting the bevvy up.  Then he's telling us that we've got to go on a course for six months.  He can shove that up his Tory arsehole.  Am no working for peanuts! Neither are my mates.  When are we going to get the time tae drink and dae drugs an' that?  My mate's Da, says he'll no be able to run his motor when the petrol goes up, so he'll no be able to deliver curries for the Pakis and that. This lots no fur the working man. When I get the vote I'm going to text in my vote for that Labour lot, cause they Tories have done nothing for me or my mates.  Whit's that you say?  It's Labour that's been in! Your joking me?"

SMOKING TO BE BANNED IN CARS, PARKS AND ON THE BEACH!

A YOUNG SMOKER YESTERDAY, (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

A report from the ROYAL COLLEGE OF PHYSICIANS has called for smoking to be BANNED in Cars, Parks and the beach.  They say that it is impractical to differentiate from when NO CHILDREN are present in cars, so all car smoking should be banned.
The next move will obviously to get SMOKING BANNED in the home when there are children present.  Surely no-one smokes in the same room as children nowadays, DO THEY?  I can see the point of a ban in smoking when there are children present in an enclosed space, but the PARK and the BEACH?  NO, THAT'S ONE STEP TOO FAR IN WHAT IS STILL A LEGAL ACTIVITY!

MY HUSBAND BY MRS D.L.

As the election draws nearer, I thought it time that I tell you about my darling husband, Dark.


We met all those years ago in BERTIE'S FISH AND CHIP SHOP.  I a fish-fryer and he a struggling blog student.  As our eyes met across the range, I heard myself say, "do you want a pickled onion with that"?  Since then it's been one crazy time together.  He's not the tidiest of men.  Sometimes I have to put his dirty shirt in the wash basket and he won't touch his own knickers if they've got skidmarks, but I know he's so busy blogging away that sometimes they get that way when he's sitting on his big, fat arse all day.


But we share the chores.  Sometimes he lets me lie on the couch and fart, while he does the ironing!  But not too often!  Last week he nearly cleaned the toilet.  After all it was his mother who made the mess of it, but as he rightly pointed out, I had invited her to stay.


We've been trying for a baby.  He feels it's important for his public persona, particularly since RANTIN' RAB'S wife, FAB-RAB had a baby a few months ago.  Maybe if he hadn't been shagging that slut at the office!  Oops, sorry!  We're putting that behind us for the good of the children.  When we have some.


Anyway, Bi for now and I'll speak to you later in the campaign.  KYLIE LOCHNAGAR XXX

250 JOBS LEAVE GLASGOW FOR CARDIFF-THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING MR MURPHY!

Around 250 jobs are being transferred to Cardiff as Barclaycrud moves its lending unit from Glasgow.
The jobs will be based in Pentwyn, Cardiff, where Barclaycrud already has a lending arm called Firstplus.  The transfer means the Glasgow operation will shut down completely by the summer.  While the jobs are officially being transferred, it is expected that most will be recruited locally as few people are likely to move from Scotland.

Scottish Secretary, JIM MURPHY, (Scotland's man in the cabinet, my fucking arse), is a man who likes to do plenty of shouting.  His mouth is never shut and he has become a RENT-A-QUOTE for the Scottish Media.  He has been surprisingly silent about the transfer of these jobs which come under the Scottish Office's responsibility.  I WONDER WHY?  I'll go to his website and ask him why.  If I get a reply, I'll tell you!

LESBIAN BARES HER BREASTS AT DOORMAN THEN 'SCONES' HIM WITH A STILETTO ON HER 'WEDDING 'NIGHT!

MS HANCOX ON THE LEFT WITH HER 'BRIDE'

At the risk of being called HOMOPHOBIC for my second post in two days about Gays, I thought you might like this wee tale from the courts in SWANSEA!

A lesbian bride was arrested at her own 'wedding' reception after baring her breasts at a doorman and then hitting him over the head with her red stiletto shoe.  Sharon Hancox, 40, spent her first night of 'marriage' in police cells after the disturbance at the champagne party to celebrate her nuptials with new wife Nicola Hutin.
A court heard Hancox had drunk up to eight pints of lager and quaffed champagne after the civil ceremony.  But the court heard she had a row with club doorman David Jenkins over allowing a guest into HER 'wedding' function.
Prosecutor Julie Sullivan said: 'With that, she then pulled the top of her red dress down exposing her breasts.  She then called him a pervert and 'sconed', (my word), the doorman with her stiletto heel drawing blood.

FUCK ME!  Wouldn't you just have loved to have been at that night out.  You would be telling the story for years afterwards!  And BTW what a pair of STOATIRS, they are.  Apologies to all my new Gay contributors, but I can't see me rushing to get into a THREESOME WITH THEM!   (Can I say that?  Probably not, but you know what I mean.) 

SCOTTISH WOMEN'S SEA SWIMMING SEASON STARTS TODAY!

The Scottish Women's sea swimming season started today in North Berwick, with the women of the douce Scottish town taking the first dip of the year, so far.

Their President, BIG JEAN, commented, "Aye, weel.  It was a bit too warm for us this year.  It was only minus five outside but the water was at a tepid plus two.  Some of us had to break the ice which is unusual for sea water in these latitudes".  "Some of the girls cheated by having a 'PISHY', which gave them wee hot patches to swim in.  If we find who it was, they'll be thrown out of the club for CHEATING.  It was probably those two big soft JESSIES from LONDON.  They're no used to the delights of the  mediterranean like conditions we get in the FIRTH of FORTH.  Last year two of the lassies had to fight a POLAR BEAR.  But after we barbequed it, we found the meat was a bit stringy and tasteless, not nearly as delicious as the PENGUINS we'd pot-roasted the year before.

JADE GOODY'S MOTHER AND HUSBAND EMBRACE AT HER MEMORIAL SERVICE

Since Jade Goody died a year ago, her husband Jack Tweed and mother Jackiey Budden have not exactly been bosom buddies.
But today the pair put their differences aside and shared a hug as they arrived at the memorial service for the reality star, held a day before the first anniversary of her death from cervical cancer.

They were then given the GOOD NEWS.  She's STILL DEAD!

BTW, I'm glad they dressed up for the occasion.

B&B OWNER WHO TURNED AWAY GAY COUPLE IN TROUBLE WITH HR FASCISTS

A pair of homosexual men claim they were turned away from a bed and breakfast because the owner said it was 'against her convictions' for them to share a bed.
Police are investigating after Michael Black, 62, and John Morgan, 56, complained that the owner of the Swiss B&B in Cookham, near Maidenhead in Berkshire, had unlawfully discriminated against them.  The couple, from Brampton in Cambridgeshire, arrived at the £75-a-night guest house on Friday and were met outside by the owner, Susanne Wilkinson.  'She said, "It's a large double bed in a double room" and we said, "yes", and then she said it was against her convictions to let us stay.

Quite right too.  It's her house and it's up to her who stays in it as far as I am concerned.  Call me homophobic if you like, but then most purely heterosexual men are, if they were being honest with themselves.  I for one am fed up with the GOVERNMENT and the EC telling me what I HAVE TO THINK.  I thole Homosexuals, but it doesn't mean I HAVE TO LIKE WHAT THEY GET UP TO!

SEND SUSANNE A MESSAGE OF SUPPORT AT http://www.bandbmaidenhead.co.uk/

SADDAM'S BABY SON SURVIVED FOR 6 YEARS IN HIS BUNKER EATING TINNED COUS COUS!

s

Amazing pictures are emerging of SADDAM HUSSEIN'S SON who was hiding in the back of the bunker in which the AMERICANS discovered his father.

The young SADDAM has survived the last six years by eating a supply of tinned COUS COUS which his father had hidden from the soldiers.  This has obviously held back his development because although he is EIGHT YEARS OLD, he has the appearance of an EIGHTEEN MONTH OLD BABY!
The moral of this story is therefore the next time that big, TWAT of a CHEF, AINSLEY HARRIOT, suggests you cook with COUS COUS, tell him to stick it up his BIG, BLACK ARSEHOLE!

MY FIRST BIRTHDAY

I've just realised this is the first birthday of this pile of shite!  819 posts since this time last year when I tentatively took my first steps to put my random opinions down in print.  I've probably spent about 1500 hours doing it in that time.  I don't think most people who don't run blogs realise how much time it takes, researching and finding stories, getting and doctoring photos, answering comments etc.


Have I enjoyed it?  Of course, if I didn't I wouldn't do it.  I've met many people on here who I would now consider friends even although I've never met them face to face.  Here's to ANOTHER YEAR!

RETIRING LABOUR TROUGHERS LINE UP LOBBYING JOBS AT £5K/DAY!

In a major investigation by the Sunday Times and Channel 4, retiring LABOUR TROUGHERS, STEPHEN BYERS,GEOFF HOON, MARGARET MORAN AND PATRICIA HEWITT are caught out asking for between £3000-£5000 PER DAY for lobbying on behalf of big business when they leave Parliament.

They boast that their contacts within Government have already enabled TESCOS to water down FOOD LABELING and that they are lining up jobs with 'FORIEGN DEFENCE COMPANIES' for embarrassing large amounts of money.  This practise must be stopped.  They should not be able to use any 'INSIDE' knowledge that they have picked up whilst being in Government to benefit when they leave it.

TONY BLAIR has ploughed a furrow where all the other former 'COMRADES' will follow, cocking a snoot at the Parliamentary Body set up to monitor former Ministers' work after leaving Parliament.

In 1997 Labour arrived to the strains of 'THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER'.  Aye, they got 'BETTER' alright, but only for FUCKING LABOUR POLITICIANS!

3,000 SCOTTISH COUNCIL STAFF EARN MORE THAN £50,000

A YOUNG COUPLE ARRIVE AT A COUNCIL FACILITY RUN BY SOMEONE ALLEGEDLY ON £50K+

UPDATE: IT'S PEANUTS COMPARED TO LONDON H/T DOWN IN THE SMOKE
SEE HERE

Almost 3,000 Scottish council workers are now on more than £50,000.

There are also 2,990 officials on more than £50,000 – with 2,451 of these earning up to £70,000. Glasgow Council alone has 410 employees earning between £50,000 and £70,000 while Fife has 215.  The highest-paid official in Scotland works with Glasgow City Council and earns more than £150,000.  But another four – at South Lanarkshire, Fife, Highland and Aberdeen – earn between £140,000 and £149,999.

These figures are STAGGERING.  there are several people in SCOTLAND earning more than the PRIME MINISTER.  This anomaly must be sorted and sorted quickly.  In my day it was only the NUMPTIES who went for jobs with the Council.  Well, THEY'RE NOT NUMPTES NOW!

LABOUR LATEST BIG IDEA-BUY YOUR OWN PUB!

Hundreds of pubs doomed to closure could be rescued under Government proposals to help to fund “community buyouts”, promote local beers and cut planning red tape.

Ministers will announce today that they will match money raised by residents to buy the freeholds of ailing pubs and provide business support to help to set up post offices, shops and restaurants in the same premises. The move follows growing concern that almost 40 pubs are closing every week, costing the economy millions of pounds and thousands of jobs. Last year 2,365 pubs were forced to close, resulting in 24,000 job losses.

While I can see the merits in the scheme for villages or small towns that have only one pub, I would not be chuffed if I owned a pub and I had managed to see off my local competition to find it was re-opened with the aid of public money!

Mind you, I wouldn't raise my hopes too high.  Labour seem to be bringing out one policy per day at the moment.  Already flagged and kicked into the the long grass this week were the PET IN SURANCE SCHEME and the SEPERATE SLOPS BUCKET!  It's amazing how quickly you can come up with policy despite being in power for 13 years when there is an election to CONCENTRATE YOUR MIND!

NOW POLICE BANNED FOR ASKING FOR 'CHRISTIAN' NAME IN CASE IT OFFENDS OTHER RELIGIONS!

Police officers have been banned from asking for 'Christian' names for fear of offending other religions.

FUCK ME!  Does anybody else yearn for the days when the SWEENEY burst through the doors and kicked the VILLAIN IN THE NUTS!  If they were wrong and he was INNOCENT, he got a LETTER OF APOLOGY FROM THE CHIEF CONSTABLE and if he wasn't available some DESK SERGEANT!

AH!  THE NOSTALGIA.

AMAZING PHOTO OF HITLER AS A BABY EMERGES AS HE IS EJECTED FROM KINDERGARTEN!

An amazing photograph, (above), of ADOLF HITLER as a baby has emerged from an archive of early German colour photography from 1897.

The pictures show a young Adolf, lovingly dressed by his mother in a STORM-TROOPER'S UNIFORM at the age of 18 months being GOOSESTEPPED out of his local KINDERGARTEN.  Baby Adolf had been a bad boy that day, setting light to one of his playmates who happened to be JEWISH with some VULCAN matches his Papa had given him.  Shortly before that the playful Adolf had eaten a Russian Girl's Lunch and taken a DUMP on a little FRENCH BOY who had recently joined the class.

He would have run amok entirely had not a plucky BRITISH LAD given him a 'BLOODY NOSE' whilst shouting, "TAKE THAT, FRITZ, YOU BOUNDER"!

SUPERMARKETS TARGET ALCOPOPS AT KIDS AND FAT LASSIES!

Supermarkets are promoting alcopops - the powerful drinks often targeted at teenagers - more than any other alcohol.
Figures published today reveal 46 per cent of the controversial drinks have been on offer throughout the past year.  The deals are designed to increase sales of products like the Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff Ice and WKD ranges - which are sugary drinks with an alcohol kick.  Ten years ago, alcopops such as Hooch were blamed for enabling a generation of teenagers to consume alcohol in large quantities, replacing cider as the young's favourite drink.  The next most discounted drink was beer and lager at 21 per cent.

Anyone who doesn't now realise that SUPERMARKETS are targeting the YOUNG and FAT LASSIES in particular, whose drink of choice is the SUGARY SHITE that is the ALCOPOP, to get them addicted to Alcohol and high sugar products, IS NIEVE IN THE EXTREME! 

It also has interesting ramifications for the SNP's alcohol pricing policy.  The London Government has targeted ALCOPOPS with increased taxes but the more they increase the tax the more the SUPERMARKETS cut the price.  Now, I understand that the Government's reason for increasing the price of Alcopops is not purely for the health of the young but also as an easy tax hike, but if they weren't in the PAY and I mean PAY, of the BIG SUPERMARKETS then they could take them on and properly protect the health of the nation by making them at least ADEQUATELY label food products, so the consumer has a choice and secondly, make them cut down on the amount of packaging they use, if they're SUPPOSED TO BE so keen on protecting the ENVIRONMENT!

WILL YOU PAY A £1000 FINE FOR PUTTING YOUR RUBBISH IN THE WRONG BIN?

Householders could be fined up to £1,000 if they fail to comply with complex new rules on refuse sorting.  Food scraps, tea bags and vegetable peelings thrown into the wrong dustbin could land them with hefty penalties under government plans to be unveiled today.

Families could end up with five different bins and receptacles - including compulsory slop buckets for food waste - and be forced to sift through rubbish for anything that can be recycled, reused or converted into electricity.

This is Hilary Benn's idea, the FUCKWIT.  A vegetarian PRICK with a WOMAN'S NAME!  Not that's there is anything wrong with being a Vegetarian, but he let's it cloud his thought process.  But I suppose if you were a man and your name was BERYL, it could be a bit fucking weird!  This re-cycling carry on is getting too serious.  Now don't get me wrong, I didn't mind at first putting rubbish in two different bins.  But FIVE BINS!  Where are we going to keep them all?  How often are they going to be emptied?  Will they pong in Summer?  Will there be an explosion of MAGGOTS?

My wife is quite keen on the old re-cycling, but I must admit I'm getting to the point where I slip the odd bit of rubbish into the wrong bin as a PROTEST!  AM I LOSING THE PLOT?

TWAT KICKED OUT OF JOB CENTRE FOR WEARING A HOOD CLAIMS HE IS A JEDI KNIGHT AND GETS A LETTER OF APOLOGY!

CLICK TO ENLARGE

The letter of apology above was written to some Twat called CHRIS JARVIS in Southend who was flung out of his local job centre because he refused to take down his hood because he is a JEDI KNIGHT and follows the religion of JEDIISM.

Now there are two ways you can look at this.  On one hand you could say that if this is his religion and MUSLIM women and SIKH men can wear headgear in public, then he is also entitled.  On the other hand you might say that the TWAT should be committed to a secure establishment for a very long time for following an imaginary religion that he saw in a film. 

However if you look into it a bit deeper you discover the following.  Jediism, which bases its teachings on the 'the Force' from the Star Wars films, was officially recognised as a religion in 2001.  It has more than 400,000 members in the UK, is inspired by the Star Wars films in which the Jedis represent the 'light side' in the fight against Darth Vader's 'dark side'

IT'S GOT 400,000 MEMBERS.  FUCK ME!  That's nearly one percent of the population.  Are you seriously trying to tell me that one person in a hundred you meet in the street, thinks they're  A FUCKING JEDI?  A make-believe, science fiction film, set centuries in the future.  We're facing a GENERAL ELECTION which could be make or break for the UK and there are bastards walking around thinking they're OBI JUANKAN-OBE or whatever he's called. 

HOLD ON!  There is a knock at the door.  THANK FUCK it's the men in white coats coming to take me away.............!

BANANAS MAY BE THE KEY TO STOPPING AIDS SAY SCIENTISTS

Bananas may hold the key to powerful new treatments that protect against the Aids virus.  In laboratory tests, scientists found that a banana ingredient called BanLec was as potent as two existing anti-HIV drugs.
Researchers in the U.S. found that the lectin found in bananas can inhibit HIV infection by blocking the virus's entry into the body. BanLec acts on the protein 'envelope' that encloses HIV's genetic material.

Or alternatively, GAY MEN, if you feel the urge for sex with another man who may be gay, STICK A BANANA UP YOUR ARSE instead and there will be no chance of you getting AIDS!

LOCKERBIE BOMBER KEEPING WELL!

The health of the freed Lockerbie bomber has 'greatly improved' now he is home in Libya, Colonel Gaddafi's son said yesterday.  He said Abdelbaset Ali Mohamed al-Megrahi was doing much better since being released seven months ago by the Scots on compassionate grounds because he had 'only three months to live'.

Good!  I hope the bastard hangs on.  He must be in constant pain.  I hope it's fucking sore, even if it wasn't him that planted the bomb.  That will teach him to be a FALLGUY!

I AGREE WITH JACK STRAW-I MUST BE LOSING IT!

Jack Straw, (the weasel faced bastard), is said to be working on plans to include the abolition of the HOUSE OF LORDS and it's replacement with an elected SENATE, modelled on the American legislature with elections held at the same time as a General Election with members being able to sit for a maximum of three, five year terms.

Strangely enough, for once in my life, I broadly agree with LABOUR!  I think it's time we got rid of the House of Lords and it should be elected.  I don't agree though that it should be elected at the same time as at a General Election.  If it was, it would broadly reflect the same vote as the make-up of the Commons, even if it was by proportional representation.  It would be much better if it was elected MID-TERM and then perhaps it would be of a different make-up to the Commons and consequently it would not necessarily agree with the voting intentions of the upper house and would therefore be better placed to be a check on the Government of the day.  It shouldn't be able to make legislation but should be used to scrutinise what the Upper house is doing and if necessary send it back to them for amending.

The wearing of ermine robes should not be compulsory!

A WEE MAUDLIN SONG!

It's 2 in the morning and I've had a good night.  I'm half pished and I've been having a laugh and a good argument with my Brother-in-Law, whose Scottish and proud but has stayed in England for 40 years.  He's unfortunately forgotten his passion  IMO in that time.


This is a wee indulgence from me.  To all my many English friends, I'm sorry about this, but just think what it would be like to have your young people THIS engaged for a Jacobite folk song!  And to all you Scots people, I don't have to explain MAUDLIN!

GPs AND DENTISTS COMPLAIN THEY'RE NOT BEING PAID ENOUGH!

SCOTTISH HEALTH SECRETARY, NICOLA STURGEON

DOCTORS and dentists yesterday accused the Scottish Government of cutting their pay, as the SNP announced record funding for health boards.

GPs said a pay award of just under 1 per cent next year would leave their salaries falling far behind those of doctors in the rest of the UK and dentists claimed efficiency savings which they are expected to introduce would be unrealistic.  The warning came as health secretary Nicola Sturgeon announced funding for NHS boards would rise to £8.4billion for 2010-11.  She said the amount equated to a 2.7 per cent increase, with the extra money being prioritised for spending on front-line services. 

Dr Robert Kinloch, chairman of the Scottish Dental Practice Committee, said: “The idea that one per cent efficiency savings can be found is simply unrealistic!!
WELL MR KINLOCH, our hearts bleed for you.  You can't in these TIMES OF FINANCIAL RESTRAINT find a 1% EFFICIENCY SAVING?  EH?  How about turning down the heating by ONE DEGREE?  How about opening your fucking dental practises in the evenings and at weekends, so that PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE TIME OFF WORK to get their teeth seen to?  Or would that interfere with your HECTIC SOCIAL LIFE?  My dentist is making so much money, (and he's NHS), that he takes Thursday afternoon and Friday off and he's only in his early forties!! 

Or even better, stop shagging your DENTAL NURSES so that you don't have to pay them money when you want to EMPLOY A MORE SHAGGABLE, YOUNGER ONE!

THE NEW GOVERNMENT WHOEVER IT IS, MUST CONTROL IMMIGRATION

According to government statistics, one immigrant arrives every minute, and a new British passport is issued every three. In the past ten years, almost 750,000 British people have left the country, and 2.5 million immigrants have arrived.



The rate of inflow is 25 times higher than any previous period of immigration since the Norman Conquest.  Last month it emerged, under the Freedom of Information Act, that far from being unexpected, this massive increase was sanctioned by the Blair Cabinet - not least to ensure a strong backing for Labour from the new immigrants at successive elections.

The new government whoever it is, must put an end to the immigration influx that we have seen in the last thirteen years.  As increasing financial pressure comes to bear on the NHS and Schools any new usage is like a cut back.  If for instance we allow another five percent immigration that is the same as cutting the budgets by five percent.  Along with the pressure that puts on housing, social security and basic infrastructure that will create 'tinderbox' areas of the country, where the BNP and other parties with radical views will thrive.

The next few years is not the time to increase immigration because the south-east of England needs CHEAP LABOUR!

'BUZZ LIGHYEAR' BEATS NEIL ARMSTRONG TO THE MOON

Buzz Lightyear, the enthusiastic animated hero in Disney's Toy Story, was the first man on the Moon, according to one in ten school pupils.

FUCK ME!  Mind you, if you believed the conspiracy theories about the MOON LANDINGS, THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT!

BLIZZARDS ON THE WAY!

The country will enjoy mild spring weather this weekend as the big chill is finally banished, according to the Met Office.

Right!  Watch out for Blizzards.  There will be a possible hurricane with snow drifts up to 18 feet.  Frogs will drop from the sky.  The river Thames will be frozen for the first time for 150 years and an ice-skating gala will be held.  DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED!

HEALTH & SAFETY STRIKES AGAIN-CHEESE ROLLING EVENT CANCELLED!

An annual cheese rolling race that attracts thousands of spectators has been cancelled due to health and safety fears.

This year's event, scheduled for May 31st, will not take place because of police and local council concerns about overcrowding on Cooper's Hill, near Gloucester, organisers announced.  "We have had to cancel on the advice of the police and local authorities this year because of the issues of health and safety and other aspects," said Richard Jefferfies of the organising committee.   Following a 200 year old tradition, competitors run down the treacherous 1:2 gradient hillside in pursuit of bouncing 7lb Double Gloucester cheeses. Injuries are common and the sheer volume of spectators jams roads, prompting complaints from locals.

What a land we live in when a man can't chase a fucking cheese down a hill because some COUNCIL JOBSWORTH tells him it's dangerous.  Stick the cheese up his COUNCIL ARSE!  OR IS THERE NO ROOM IN THERE BECAUSE HE'S GOT A TOWN HALL UP IT ALREADY!

JESUS SAVES YOUNG MAN FROM BURNING-THEN LEAVES HIS IMAGE IN FRYING PAN!

An image of Jesus has appeared in burned bacon fat at the bottom of a frying pan, it has been claimed.  Toby Elles, 22, made the discovery after burning the food when he fell asleep while cooking.
After lifting off the scorched bacon Mr Elles, from Salford, Lancs, could not believe his eyes when the Christlike image stared back at him.  The face is complete with eyes, nose, a beard and is framed by long flowing hair. Mr Elles, a cashier for Halifax Bank, said: "I fell asleep cooking some bacon and it had burned this face onto the pan, it's some kind of miracle.  I believe that God is watching over me and nothing bad will ever happen to me"  said Toby just before he suffered the large heart attack which killed him.

It looks more like Charles the Second to me! 

KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT-NEW YORK BANS SALT IN RESTAURANTS!

The nannying tendencies of New York's civic leaders have reached a new level with a proposal to fine restaurants that add salt to food.

Felix Ortiz has proposed a bill that would ban the use of salt in New York restaurants.  Bill A10129 would fine restaurateurs $1000 (£600) each time they were caught adding salt to food.  The New York assemblyman said it would allow diners to choose whether to do it themselves.  The administration of Michael Bloomberg, New York City's mayor, has already outlawed smoking from many public areas, banned unhealthy trans fats from prepared food and ordered many restaurants to list the calories in each item on the menu. He also favours a new tax on sweet fizzy drinks to help cut obesity.

And we're still arguing over the smoking ban!  Believe me down the line this law is coming to the UK.  I don't want to add my own salt.  I want the BASTARD who is cooking it and whom I am paying to 'CREATE' a dish for my pallet.  I hope they never get round to banning FARTING IN LIFTS, that's a particular favourite of mine!

LOVE NEVER DIES

"AND NOW A SONG FROM THE NEW MUSICAL, LOVE NEVER DIES"

The Devil is lurking in the very heart of the Roman Catholic Church, the Vatican's chief exorcist claimed on Wednesday.

Father Gabriele Amorth said people who are possessed by Satan vomit shards of glass and pieces of iron.  He added that the assault on Pope Benedict XVI on Christmas Eve by a mentally unstable woman and the sex abuse scandals which have engulfed the Church in the US, Ireland, Germany and other countries, were proof that the Anti-Christ was waging a war against the Holy See.  "The Devil resides in the Vatican and you can see the consequences," said Father Amorth, 85, who has been the Holy See's chief exorcist for 25 years.  "He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, or even appear to be sympathetic. At times he makes fun of me. But I'm a man who is happy in his work."

FUCK ME!  To think the Reverend Ian Paisley has been right all along!

THE TRAMS THAT NO ONE APART FROM THE LABOUR/LIBTHINGIES WANTED-IN THE SHITE!

(THIS PICTURE IS PHOTO-SHOPPED BTW)

The trams that nobody in Edinburgh wanted.  Well apart from the last Labour/Libthingy coalition in the Scottish Government, who probably had a wee snigger behind doors as the had left the SNP with a WHITE ELEPHANT.

Well, no one is sniggering in Edinburgh NOW as THE TRAM PROJECT is forecast to run two years over the completion date and cost a minimum of £145 million extra.  This extra cost will have to be borne by the EDINBURGH TAXPAYER, (who didn't want the Trams in the first place), because the SNP Government are refusing to pay more than £500 million they agreed to.  So after having to endure three years of disruption in their City, it's now going to cost them a fortune in their council tax.  I wonder what this will do for the LIBTHINGY'S vote in Edinburgh in eight weeks time?

Anyone for the Glasgow Airport Rail Link?