As the election draws nearer, I thought it time that I tell you about my darling husband, Dark.
We met all those years ago in BERTIE'S FISH AND CHIP SHOP. I a fish-fryer and he a struggling blog student. As our eyes met across the range, I heard myself say, "do you want a pickled onion with that"? Since then it's been one crazy time together. He's not the tidiest of men. Sometimes I have to put his dirty shirt in the wash basket and he won't touch his own knickers if they've got skidmarks, but I know he's so busy blogging away that sometimes they get that way when he's sitting on his big, fat arse all day.
But we share the chores. Sometimes he lets me lie on the couch and fart, while he does the ironing! But not too often! Last week he nearly cleaned the toilet. After all it was his mother who made the mess of it, but as he rightly pointed out, I had invited her to stay.
We've been trying for a baby. He feels it's important for his public persona, particularly since RANTIN' RAB'S wife, FAB-RAB had a baby a few months ago. Maybe if he hadn't been shagging that slut at the office! Oops, sorry! We're putting that behind us for the good of the children. When we have some.
Anyway, Bi for now and I'll speak to you later in the campaign. KYLIE LOCHNAGAR XXX