Wednesday, 17 March 2010

TWAT KICKED OUT OF JOB CENTRE FOR WEARING A HOOD CLAIMS HE IS A JEDI KNIGHT AND GETS A LETTER OF APOLOGY!

CLICK TO ENLARGE

The letter of apology above was written to some Twat called CHRIS JARVIS in Southend who was flung out of his local job centre because he refused to take down his hood because he is a JEDI KNIGHT and follows the religion of JEDIISM.

Now there are two ways you can look at this.  On one hand you could say that if this is his religion and MUSLIM women and SIKH men can wear headgear in public, then he is also entitled.  On the other hand you might say that the TWAT should be committed to a secure establishment for a very long time for following an imaginary religion that he saw in a film. 

However if you look into it a bit deeper you discover the following.  Jediism, which bases its teachings on the 'the Force' from the Star Wars films, was officially recognised as a religion in 2001.  It has more than 400,000 members in the UK, is inspired by the Star Wars films in which the Jedis represent the 'light side' in the fight against Darth Vader's 'dark side'

IT'S GOT 400,000 MEMBERS.  FUCK ME!  That's nearly one percent of the population.  Are you seriously trying to tell me that one person in a hundred you meet in the street, thinks they're  A FUCKING JEDI?  A make-believe, science fiction film, set centuries in the future.  We're facing a GENERAL ELECTION which could be make or break for the UK and there are bastards walking around thinking they're OBI JUANKAN-OBE or whatever he's called. 

HOLD ON!  There is a knock at the door.  THANK FUCK it's the men in white coats coming to take me away.............!

26 comments:

May the force be with him said...

I suppose there is more evidence for the Jedi religion than for Christianity. Everybody has seen the Star Wars films so knows there are indeed jedis out there with the force. I've never seen any films of jesus doing miracles or any kind of evidence of Noahs Ark and that.
If I wasn't a pagan I might have given it a try.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Forcers, I once saw a film called 'the Devil Rides Out' all about satanism when I was a boy and it didn't make me a devil-worshipper. Mind you all that sex on the altar stone and human sacrifices were a bit of a turn on. Far better than being a fucking Jedi!

banned said...

The 400,000 Jedi membership came from a concerted student campaign against the census asking nosey questions some years ago.

The question of whether wearing a hood is required of a Jedi Knight or not was discussed elswhere a while back and the consensus was that it is only required during ceremonial rites and not for everyday use so CHRIS JARVIS is just being an awkward fucking prick and I would hope that WENDY FLOWERS is awre of this in case he respnds to her invite to call her for a friendly chat.

Lorenzo said...

The Jobcentre are always stopping employers from advertising jobs how they like to describe as it might upset Ms Harmperson and her equalities crap so the woman wrote her apology for fear of being sued and being hauled across the coals by her New Labour masters. PC nonsense coming back around to bite them on the bum, serves them right. Now where do I sign up to be a Jugeye.

Don't Call Me Dave said...

I think Chris Jarvis has done the public a great service. Yes, he is an absolute twat. But he is an absolute twat who has proved beyond all possible doubt that there are even bigger twats running this country. May 4th be with him, as it says in the Good Book, er DVD.

Jocko said...

Why discriminate at all between this guy and anyone else who lets religion rule their life? This twat (and I wholeheartedly agree with your description) has based his beliefs on something somebody made up just a few decades ago. How does that differ to the millions of other twats who rule their lifes around something else entirely made-up a couple of thousand years ago? What is the difference? Lets face it, the bible is a much poorer 'story' than that of Master Skywalker and his fight against the Dark Side. Is Noah dying at the age of 950 (Genesis 9:29) really more believable than discovering a mysterious 'force' centuries in the future? Fuck no. Does space travel seem more believable than the parting of the Red Sea? Fuck yes. Personally I think anyone holding any kind of false and stupid belief in something so unscientific should be banned from humanity - not just the friggin' Job Centre.

Benefits from cradle to grave said...

I went to the jobcentre with a condom on my nose. When the interviewer asked "what work do you want", i replied....

Don't Call Me Dave said...

Benefits

I once went to a fancy dress party with a condom in my ear. When the host asked what I had come as I replied: “A ghost - you know, one of them eerie fuckers.”

Dark Lochnagar said...

To all, sorry about being a bit late answering your comments, I've been away all day from early. Appreciated as usual!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, as usual I am indebted to you for your knowledge of obscure religions. Do they have to wear the hood when they're shagging a virgin on the sacrificial marble slab? Or am I confusing them with some other nutters?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Lorenzo, you're right. We are so up our own fucking arseholes nowadays that we can't see the trees for the shit. I hope he sues the bastards and gets thousands. I want to sign up to, particularly if you get to shag young virgins wearing a goat's head.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Honourable Fred, he has just shown what a lot of shite there is in this country. Any sensible country would tell the Jedi to fuck off and get a life. Unless there is virgin pumping.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Jocko, welcome. I take your point. I don't think it is sensible either, but live and let live. The only thing I would say is that Chrisianity is quite well documented down the ages whilst we know Star Wars is a film. But yir man up in the clouds doesn't make sense to me either. Maybe when I get older, I'll believe more but I doubt it. No give me a religion where you shag young virgins wearing a goat mask and then sacrifice them.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Benefits, Am I being obtuse or have you not given the answer? Anyway what's that got to do with young virgins getting shagged by me with a goat's mask on?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Honourable Fred, how many ears did Davey Crocket have? Three! A right one, a left one and a wild frontier!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Benefits, If I went to the virgin shagging wearing not a goat's head but a cornflakes packet on my head, would that make me a cereal shagger?

Non denominational tax dodger said...

I went to the job centre and insisted on removing my trousers before the interview.
The back to work consultant asked "Are you of a particular religious persuasion?"
I replied "No. Just a victim of cuts"

Jedi beware said...

The jobcentre staff will now have their phasors set to kill.

banned said...

Jedi beware, phasors was Star Wars mate, didn't Star Wars use kitchen lights?

Jedi beware said...

banned..

I think phasors was Start Trek but it's a bit like catholics and protestants.
Star Wars and Star Trek are very closely related religiously.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Dodgers, It's a wonder he didn't think you were a Mason!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Jedi Beware, the only time I was in there, the fat fucker bhind the desk was farting to kill. Not that I mind a fat fucker, hell, I'm one myself!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, so who was the one who shagged the Virgins before sacrificing them on a marble slab. You know about these things! If you know what I mean, not that I'm saying you're a Satanist or anything.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Jedi Beware, now don't chastise Banned for making a wee mistake, you know what he meant. He likes a small libation now and again!

banned said...

Frankly, I'm totally lost here. Used to be a fan of early Star Trek but am in Star Wars Poverty.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I know the feeling. I keep on seeing a Starwars film coming on and I watch 15 minutes of it to discover it's no4 in the series and I don't know what the fuck they're on about!