A QUESTION OF ROAD SAFETY!

**UPDATE PERVERT  FROM KIMARNOCK ARRESTED FOR SNIFFING YOUNG GIRLS BICYCLE SEATS**

Traffic Question :
Most men will get this right! 
Q:   You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING FOR 2 MILES sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider. Do you:
(a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles , or

(b) Do you break the law and pass?

         Which is the correct choice?               

 THE CORRECT ANSWER IS: 

 

A:  Why take unnecessary risks?

BANANAS MAY BE THE KEY TO STOPPING AIDS SAY SCIENTISTS

Bananas may hold the key to powerful new treatments that protect against the Aids virus.  In laboratory tests, scientists found that a banana ingredient called BanLec was as potent as two existing anti-HIV drugs.
Researchers in the U.S. found that the lectin found in bananas can inhibit HIV infection by blocking the virus's entry into the body. BanLec acts on the protein 'envelope' that encloses HIV's genetic material.

Or alternatively, GAY MEN, if you feel the urge for sex with another man who may be gay, STICK A BANANA UP YOUR ARSE instead and there will be no chance of you getting AIDS!

SHOCK AT OLYMPICS AS CANADIAN SKATER FORGETS HER KNICKERS!

There was a shock tonight in the ICE ARENA at the Vancouver Olympics when top Canadian skater, Marylee O'Connor, took to the ice for her routine not wearing a pair of panties, which she had left in the changing room.

Miss O'Connor did not realise she was not wearing her knickers until she went into her first TRIPLE SOLSKA, when the waft of wind round her ARSE alerted her to the fact.  She however managed to complete her routine, earning A WORLD RECORD POINT SCORE for artistic impression.
Unfortunately the Ice Dancing had to be discontinued after her performance as two of the elderly male judges had to be rushed to hospital with suspected heart problems.

One Old Timer and big Ice Dancing Fan, DAN FOGERTY, told our reporter, "you don't usually see the CANADIAN BEAVER until mid march, but I suppose with all the mild weather we've been experiencing...."!

LABOUR TO TAX TOILET PAPER (FOR ENVIRONMENTAL REASONS)

The government has today announced it's White Paper into the taxing of SHITE PAPER. The Department of the Environment sponsored Bill, The Tolley Paper Tax and Ancillary Nose Blowing Paper Act, 1909 with guidance from H.M. Treasury is hoped to become law within this Parliamentary Session.

Her Majesties Government is concerned that too much toilet paper is being used, over and above the statutory double sheet and this is damaging the environment and leading to GLOBAL WARMING.

Henceforth a tax of 50p per standard 120 sheet roll will be levied to stop excess SHITE ROLL damaging our rivers and sewage works, (ANY EXCUSE FOR A RIP-OFF TAX)!

All of those with FUCKING BIG FAT ARSES who are now normally using, three or even four sheets will have to go on a diet to save money on CRUD CLEANER, thereby leaving more grub for the rest of the population who are SKINNY BASTARDS.

MPs and BANKERS will as usual be exempt from paying the new tax as HM Government don't want to endanger the fragile recovery.

Anyone found to be WIPING THEIR ARSE with OLD NEWSPAPER or KITCHEN ROLL will be liable for a on the spot fine not exceeding £1000. SHITE WARDENS and SNIFFER DOGS are in the process of undergoing arsehole newsprint training as we speak!