**IT'S THE BIG ONE**-DL PEOPLE OF THE YEAR/DECADE

• POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR- Kenny MaCaskill for not capitulating to U.S. pressure and doing the right thing in the end
• WORST POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR-Iain Gray for Labour in the Scottish Parliament for not holding the Government to account
• SUCCESS OF THE YEAR-Susan Boyle for her incredible voice
• FLOP OF THE YEAR-Tiger Woods for losing his sponsors $7,000,000,000
• SPORTSPERSON OF THE YEAR-Catriona Mathew for winning the British Open Golf so soon after giving birth
• SPORTSFLOP OF THE YEAR-Scottish Football for being shite
• NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR-Daily Telegraph for the expenses expose
• WORST NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR-The Scotsman for it's bias against the SNP
• BEST U.S. PERSONALITY-Hilary Clinton for accepting post under Obama and doing it well
• WORST U.S. PERSONALITY-Robert Mueller of the FBI for being a cheeky bastard
• SORRY THEY DIED-Keith Floyd for being a character and there are too few of them
• GLAD THEY'RE STILL DEAD-Pope John Paul for the genocide he caused in Africa from denying the people the use of condoms and thus letting AIDS spread
• **PERSON OF THE YEAR**-Joanna Lumley for her work on behalf of the Gurkhas
• **ARSEHOLE OF THE YEAR**- Michael Martin closely followed by the Bankers and some MPs

      PEOPLE OF THE DECADE

• PERSON OF THE DECADE-HM The Queen for recovering from the death of Diana and the criticism that brought and standing tall at her age. (I'm not a Royalist BTW)
• ARSEHOLE OF THE DECADE-Take your pick from Osama Bin Laden, George W Bush, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and Mugabe

I've enjoyed your company since the end of March since I started writing this shite and thanks to all of you who contributed.  May I wish you and yours, A VERY HAPPY, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR and 'Aw the best at the Bells'!

OBAMA THREATENS TO BOMB YEMEN IN NEW YEAR

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The Pentagon is drawing up urgent plans for increased military co-operation with Yemen, including possible retaliatory strikes against al-Qaeda targets, according to US officials engaged in a high-stakes bid to neutralise Islamist militants without enraging the Arab world. 


The Obama Administration, caught out by the Christmas Day attempt to blow up a Northwest Airlines aircraft, is reviewing every possible response and has not ruled out military strikes if targets linked directly to the failed attack by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab can be identified.

Now you might accuse me of being cynical, but how much oil does Yemen have?  The US are not in the 'PEACE and SECURITY BUSINESS', they are in the 'WAR BUSINESS'.  Their GOVERNMENT and many of the people who are working or have worked in previous Administrations like KISSINGER are directly involved in the ARMS BUSINESS.  Why even the BUSH FAMILY have a company which produces armaments, for fuck's sake. So spout your shit if you want to MR OBAMA, the more the AMERICAN people are afraid of terrorism the more money you and your cronies make!

NEW WORLD CUP BLOW FOR ENGLAND-SPECIAL REPORT!

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In a shock move all Muslim English men have been banned from supporting the ENGLAND FOOTBALL TEAM at the WORLD CUP in S. AFRICA, next year.

In a shock statement, AYATOLLAH ALI KHAMENEI said " me and the lads, don't think English Muslim men should be supporting England next year.  It would be better if they choose a nice Muslim team like Somalia or Pakistan, alright mate!  Me and the clerics are going to have a JIHAD man, against any England supporters we might meet at the games.  And BTW that big Crouchie, nice lad, but a bit of a FANNY, know what I means?

SCOTTISH SECRETARY MURPHY IN SUICIDE ATTEMPT AFTER 'ANUS HORRIBLES'

Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy, was unfortunately recovering in Hospital after some stupid bastard rescued him, when he attempted to commit suicide at a Glasgow shipbuilding facility, earlier today.

Murphy, jumped into the freezing water after having consumed nearly a half bottle of Malt Whisky.  One of the production crew who were there a Mr John Brown said, "aye, yir Murphy man, was well pished.  He suddenly shouted something about an 'anus horribles' and jumped over the edge.  Most of the guys wanted to leave the wee bastard but the gaffer said we had to pull him up.  We did eventually, after we had been for our tea-break and by that time he had been in the water about 30 minutes and he looked even worse than when he went in, if that was possible."

Mr Murphy was rushed by ambulance to Woodford Green Hospital in London, a journey of 357 miles because no hospital in Scotland wanted to take him.  A Police spokesman later, told Dark Lochnagar, that investigations about the 'anus horribles' were still at an early stage and that they were not sure if the 'Anus' in question referred to Lord Foulkes or if Murphy was talking about his own.

BRITAIN MORE SUCCESSFUL UNDER JOHN MAJOR THAN LABOUR

The economy has suffered its worst decade of growth since the Second World War, figures revealed yesterday.

The findings, which show a far worse performance than under the Tories in the 1990s, raise serious doubts about Labour's claims to superior handling of the economy during its 13 years in power.  Gross domestic product, which is the country's total economic output, rose just 1.7 per cent a year in real terms, which means the figures have been adjusted for inflation.


At this low level, the last decade has been Britain's weakest period of economic expansion of any ten-year period since the 1940s, according to the research based on figures from the Office for National Statistics.

As usual Labour's ability to handle the economy properly is brought into question.  It has always been so, Labour fuck it up and the Tories have to take years to mend it.  Callaghan's mob was the same the last time having to call in the INTERNATIONAL MONETRY FUND to bail Britain out.  It's like declaring yourself bankrupt.  WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT the whole Labour mess has become.

In my opinion, there are only two ways to vote in Britain at the coming GE.  In England  a Conservative vote although I wouldn't discount UKIP in the right circumstances.  In Scotland the only vote is a vote for the SNP who at least will stick up for SCOTLAND over the next five years or so.  REMEMBER LABOUR'S FEEBLE FIFTY when Maggie Thatcher was in power.  WHAT A JOKE!

HAUD ME BACK! A BODYHUGGING VEST FROM M&S FOR MEN TAKES 1.5 INCHES OFF THE STOMACH!

Marks & Spencer are launching a range called Bodymax, which will help men to hide their bulges and show off a slimmer silhouette.

Its first ever range of shapewear for males is designed to flatten and shape the torso using shaped seams and a hidden support panel.
M&S said trials conducted on the range reported a reduction in waist measurements of up to 1.5in.
Made from fine stretch cotton, the range comprises a vest and T-shirt style and is available in black and white, a spokesman said.  Priced at £12 for the vest and £15 for the T-shirt, the range will be available in 70 stores nationwide and online from January 7.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THEY COME UP WITH THE VEST THAT TAKES 1.5 FEET OFF THE STOMACH.

CHINA SHOULD TELL BRITAIN TO FUCK OFF OVER EXECUTION OF BRITISH CITIZEN

Gordon Brown today led condemnation of China for executing a mentally ill, (?), British man who had been convicted of drug smuggling.
Akmal Shaikh, 53, was put to death by lethal injection just after 4am at Xishan detention centre in the western Urumqi province.  The father-of-five was buried immediately. He was the first European citizen to be put to death in China for 50 years.
In a statement shortly after Mr Shaikh's death, the Prime Minister said he condemned the execution 'in the strongest terms'.  He said he was 'appalled and disappointed' that persistent requests for clemency have not been granted.

Fu Ying, the Chinese Ambassador to London, was summoned to the Foreign Office this afternoon to explain her country's actions.  I hope she told them in no uncertain terms, to FUCK OFF AND  STOP POKING THEIR NOSES IN CHINESE DOMESTIC AFFAIRS.

When Britain starts to lock up PISSHEADS LIKE PETE DOHERTY AND KATE MOSS to name but two instead of making them CELEBRITIES then we have the right to interfere in other country's' affairs.  In CHINA if you are caught carrying more than 50 grammes of HEROIN then you are executed.  No clemency, no MENTAL HEALTH INVESTIGATION, that's it.  And guess what, they don't have a DRUGS PROBLEM!

WOULD YOU BE HAPPY HAVING A FULL 'NAKED' BODY SCAN?

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Fears over airport security could leave millions of passengers facing the indignity of a 'naked' body scan and paying higher fares to fund it. 
Hi-tech body scanners can see through clothes to detect hidden weapons or explosives such as those used in the failed Christmas Day plot.  They produce an anatomical image of passengers' bodies, including breasts and genitalia, and have been attacked as too intrusive. Critics have described them as a 'virtual strip search'.  Home Secretary Alan Johnson, the postman, said the Government was looking at the use of the full body scanners, but admitted there were cost and privacy issues.

There is no point putting in the scanners, because already my ARAB COUSINS AND ME are looking at new ways to plant bombs in the INFIDELS' PLANES!

My YEMENI MUSLIM COUSINS have invented an explosive called TVNT.  It is KHAKI coloured and will be used in one of two ways 1) The genitalia bomb or, 2) The skidmark bomb.

For the GENITALIA BOMB  the explosive will be packed into the MIGHTY MUSLIM MANHOOD or the FAMOUS FATIMA FANNY and will be exploded by lighting said TAPER or CAVERN WITH A MATCH.

THE SKIDMARK BOMB is more high-tech and is devised to outwit even the cleverest INFIDEL SECURITY OFFICER!  The explosive is squeezed onto the knickers like a shitey skidmark.  If noticed by Security the Bomber only has to say he is afraid of flying.  The Bomber then goes to the toilets and sets his knickers on fire and hopefully KERBOOM!
Only two problems arise, which are the scorching of the Genitalia if the Bomb doesn't go off and the fact that TVNT smells like SHITE and therefore is a dead giveaway!  Or maybe not, if it's an ARAB.

THE STUDENT TERRORIST NETWORK-ENCOURAGED BY LABOUR!

Almost 1.5million student visas have been handed out in the past eight years.



The beneficiaries included Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the CHRISTMAS BOMBER - given permission by the Home Office to study mechanical engineering at University College London between 2005 and 2008.  A string of other terror suspects have used the student visa route into the UK - not always by attending so-called bogus colleges.  Ten of the 11 Pakistani nationals seized on suspicion of plotting an atrocity in the North West this year had student visas.




In 2008-9 the Government issued 236,470 full student visas. In 1998 the figure was 69,607. A further 144,000 students were given permission to enter for six months or less last year, as so called student visitors - giving a total of 371,000.  Three times the number of 'work permits' which were issued.  MOST OF THEM STAY HERE WHEN THEIR VISAS EXPIRE, AS THE LACK OF CONTROL IS A DISGRACE!

Universities have a financial incentive to offer places to foreign students, who pay full tuition fees of around £15,000 a year - up to five times the amount they receive from British youngsters. Many less-established universities and colleges have come to rely upon this income to stay afloat.

In other words, the rise of domestic terrorism can be laid at this SHITEBAG GOVERNMENT'S DOOR.  If Blair/Brown and their Cabinet of ex-busmen, postmen and for all I know fucking binmen had FUNDED UNIVERSITIES properly they would not have had to import these MUSLIM NUTTERS to our shores.  Why do we have to educate all these FORIEGNERS?  Keep the BRITISH UNIVERSITIES for BRITISH STUDENTS and the so called COLLEGES that have sprung up in recent years can revert to what they should be, TECHI-COLLEGES. 

LABOUR GOVERNMENT ARE BUGGERING UP THE ECONOMY SAY TOP ECONOMISTS

Leading economists yesterday accused Labour of 'total fucking incompetance' over its failure to explain how it will cut the soaring debt mountain.

The scathing attack came in a letter signed by 11 of the country's top economists, who described the Government's lack of detailed plans as 'frankly shite.'  They warned that Britain is on the brink of a financial precipice, and that national debt heading towards an unprecedented £2.5trillion 'could be very fucking worrying'.


Bank of England Governor Mervyn King called for a 'coke snort' to sort out Britain's busted public finances, 'just the way we used to do it before the recession'.  Labour's decision to postpone until after the election a Comprehensive Spending Review, which fixes departments' budgets over a three-year period, had heightened the risk to the economy and also shows that Brown is shitting himself, the letter said. This year's budget deficit, the gap between government spending and tax receipts, is a record £278billion.

What is becoming clear is that this LABOUR GOVERNMENT is like a rabbit caught in the headlamps.  Brown does not know which way to turn.  He is out of ideas and HIS OWN PARTY IS GUNNING FOR HIM.  Time he did the decent thing and SHOT HIMSELF either that or CALL AN ELECTION! 

SO IT STARTS-TICKETLESS TICKETS TODAY, EMBEDDED MICROCHIPS TOMORROW!

Sophisticated technology would not only consign the paper ticket to history, but would also make redundant, touch-in-touch-out cards, such as the Oyster used in London.  Instead passengers would board buses and trains equipped with readers which capable of monitoring their journey from the tags and charging them the correct fare automatically. 

"It will make using public transport much faster,' said Jeremy Acklam one of the authors of the research.  "The technology would reduce boarding time on buses," he added.  The electronic tag could be fitted as a chip on a plastic card - which would remain in the passenger's pocket - or be embedded into a mobile phone.

After of course everyone gets used to the 'oh so convenient chip in their phone' which allows them to pay for their transport tickets there will come the reasoning, "WHY DON'T WE JUST EMBED THE CHIP IN YOUR BODY" like we do with cats or dogs and then it will 'be so convenient' for you to TRAVEL, BANK, SHOP, MOVE BETWEEN EU COUNTRIES and OF COURSE THE NATIONAL POLICE WILL BE ABLE TO TRACK YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE.  They won't of course tell you that if you are a TROUBLEMAKER, or run a BLOG that doesn't suit their politics, THEN YOUR CHIP WILL BE SHUT DOWN.  That of course will mean that you aren't able to TRAVEL, BANK, SHOP, MOVE BETWEEN EU COUNTRIES but of course the NATIONAL POLICE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO TRACK YOU!

Not for me thanks.  But then again I don't have any children.  I or mine won't be affected by the NEW WORLD ORDER.  WILL YOURS?  My ancestors didn't die fighting for my freedoms to let the EU or the NWO or TECHNOLOGY, enslave me now! 

CRITICISM GROWS OVER STAZI LIKE SURVELLANCE OF PHONES!

Telecoms firms have accused the Government of acting like the East German Stazi over plans to force them to store the details of every phone call for at least a year. 

Under the proposals, the details of every email sent and website visited will also be recorded to help the police and security services fight crime and terrorism.  But mobile phone companies have attacked the plans as a massive assault on privacy and warned it could be the first step towards a centralised ‘Big Brother’ database.

They have also told the Home Office that the scheme is deeply flawed.  T-Mobile said in its submission that it was a ‘particularly sensitive’ time as many people were commemorating the 20th anniversary of the protests that led to the collapse of ‘surveillance states in Eastern Europe’.

This Labour Government is determined to force us into being a subservient, totalitarian STATE. 

WHY SHOULD THEY BE ALLOWED TO BUG EVERY PHONE CALL AND E-MAIL IN BRITAIN?

There has to be an INTERNET CAMPAIGN AGAINST THIS. 

Where are the big political BLOGGERS like IAN DALE or GUIDO? 

TOO BUSY WORRYING ABOUT THEIR MERCHANDISING AND THEIR STATS?

BROWN MUST GO-NEW PLOT TO REMOVE LABOUR LEADER

BROWN TO GO AND ONE OF THESE FUCKWITS WILL BE LEADER

Labour MPs are hatching a new plot to oust Gordon Brown, despite a narrowing in the Tories' opinion poll lead.

With less than six months until the Prime Minister must go to the country, some disgruntled MPs believe there is still time to ditch a leader widely seen as an electoral liability.  Plotters are looking to Spain where former premier Jose Maria Aznar pre-announced his retirement to allow a new party leader to be chosen in time for the 2004 election. Mr Aznar remained as prime minister until the election but Mariano-Majoy fought the campaign. Tony Blair adopted a similar strategy when he remained as premier while a Labour leadership contest was held.


Some Labour MPs, including several supporters of Foreign Secretary David Miliband, ONE OF THE FUCKWITS PICTURED, believe Mr Brown could also be persuaded to take the Aznar option by announcing in the next few weeks that he will quit politics at the election.

Now whilst I would agree that BROWN has been AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER FOR BRITAIN, can you imagine how much worse it could have been if one or both of THOSE MILIBAND PRICKS HAD BEEN IN CHARGE! 

SNP GOVERNMENT IN DISCUSSIONS ABOUT CLYDE TIDAL BARRIER

The Scottish Government is set to open discussions on a proposed £250 million Clyde tidal barrier that could revolutionise flood defences in the west of Scotland and produce enough electricity to power every home in Glasgow.

Marine architect Robert McNair and his colleague Colin MacFarlane, emeritus professor of engineering at Strathclyde, told Dark Lochnagar that bold measures would be needed if Scotland was to meet its renewable energy targets and see off the threat posed by increased flooding risk in decades to come.  The structure would dominate the mouth of the Clyde, running from Greenock to the Ardmore Point, between Helensburgh and Dumbarton, with a further rail and road bridge to be added upstream.  It could also aid shipping, as water depths could be controlled to allow passage of large vessels without the need to wait for favourable tides, and it could be built to incorporate a railway station for freight.

Once again the SNP are the driving force of innovative ideas and projects.  How different from the failed LAB/LIB administration we had previously!

THE MSM CAN'T NAME HIM-BUT DL NAMES PREMIER LEAGUE MANAGER IN THAI KNOCKING SHOP

IRVINE MEADOW MANAGER-BERT McCUBBIN (WE DIDN'T HAVE PHOTO, SO WE USED ZOLA'S INSTEAD)

The Sun reported that earlier this month that this manager spent more than an hour in the brothel, which advertises itself as a massage parlour. 


He arrived dressed in training clothes featuring his club logo and is said to have freely admitted that he knew it was a brothel. It was said to be his second trip, following an hour-long visit in October.  If the Sun or any other newspaper published his name, it could face the threat of a hugely expensive privacy action in the courts.

BUT TODAY IN YOUR SOARAWAY BLOG-the Manager can be named as........BERT McCUBBIN, MANAGER OF THE HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL- IRVINE MEADOW JUNIORS!


McCUBBIN (46), is said to have a penchant for THAI LADYBOYS which he developed in a club tour of THAILAND when he played with CHELSEA.  He has visited the brothel on a regular basis.  It is expected that opposing fans will now sing songs at matches to embarrass McCubbin.  Such as the classic, McCUBBIN YOU DIRTY BASTARD, YOU SHAG LADYBOYS which was originally written about WEST HAM MANAGER, GIANFRANCO ZOLA!

RUDOLPH GETS THE BULLET AS SANTA GOES HIGH TECH!

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Santa was seen last night delivering pressies in a sleek new Santamobile.  Rudolph and the boys seemingly have been turned into venison stew to feed the elves during this time of economic recession!

SANTA, (the fat animal killing bastard), has reached a sponsorship deal with several car companies including Land Rover who built the car shown, although he has several others in the garage.  He has also picked up several sponsors from TIGER WOODS including GILLETTE who will be featuring him on their latest advert shaving his famous beard off.

Mark my words!  The next thing he'll be at the shagging!  Even at his age.  You heard it here first!

WHO'S THE SECRET SANTA?

A secret Santa went round a store in Portland, Maine handing out envelopes with $100 bills inside.

The generous act was inspired by the story of Missouri man Larry Stewart, who handed out $100 bills for years during the festive season and who remained anonymous until shortly before his death in 2007.  Stewart handed out more than $1.3million (£815,000) over two decades.

BUT CHILDREN!  We in Britain have our own secret Santa.  Can you guess who he is?  Yes, it's Santa Gordon.  Except Santa Gordon, doesn't give us money!  No, Santa Gordon takes our money and gives it to those naughty bankers.  So far Children, he's given away £16,000 of your Mummy and Daddys' money.  BAD SANTA GORDON!

What will we do with Bad Santa Gordon.  Well Children, come May next year, Mummy and Daddy are going to vote Bad Santa Gordon out of power and the one-eyed, cack-handed Twat can go home to Fife, dig his garden and watch shitey Raith Rovers FC.  What a Bad Santa!

**THE SECOND COMING** DAMIAN BORN IN A BERNI INN WHILST LOCALS EAT ROAST BEEF!

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The second coming, came last night as diners ate their Olde English Roast Beef with all the trimmings in a Berni Inn at Bodmin Moor in Cornwall.

As Morris Dancers quaffed their pints of stout English Ale by night, three Kings of the Maji, pushed through to attend the birth of little Damian Brigstock, who was being born in the 'snug' at the famous olde coaching Inn.

The proud Dad, Elton Brigstock (35), said "Christ, you could have knocked me down with a feather.  My partner Kylie was just in the process of giving birth when these three Arab looking blokes pushed into the room saying they were bearing gifts.  Well I didn't care what they were bearing, they weren't getting a look at my partner's fanny.  I told them to sling their hook and  that they could stick their Frankincense and Myrrh up their arse.  But don't worry, me mate Roger who was videoing the birth got their faces on camera.  We'll be handing the video to the Police, after Roger edits it, to take out the pictures of the fanny.  We don't want all those dirty bastards down at the station to be ogling it for a laugh".

Police are looking for three shifty bastards who were seen leaving the pub on camels.  The names of the two 'Morris Men' who were arrested posing as midwifes, are being withheld until their families are told.  Seemingly their beards were a dead give away!

FAILED ASYLUM SEEKER GIVEN LEAVE TO STAY IN UK AFTER MURDERING 12 YEAR OLD GIRL

An asylum seeker who ran over a girl of 12 and left her to die has won his appeal to stay in the UK after arguing his right to a family life.

Aso Mohammed Ibrahim, 32, was banned from driving and awaiting deportation when he ran away with Amy Houston trapped under the wheels of his car.  But the Iraqi Kurd, who was jailed for four months, used the European Human Rights Act to avoid being sent home because he has since had two children here.

Last night Amy's family condemned the decision and said Ibrahim had destroyed their own right to a family life.   Exactly.  That's why because it's Christmas, which he doesn't believe in anyway, he should be allowed to stay until the NEW YEAR and then told to FUCK OFF back to Kurdistan, forcibly if required.

At least that should be the outcome.  we are however so hamstrung with European Legislation that we can't EVEN run our OWN COUNTRY!

A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

REJOICE! MIDWINTER HAS PASSED. NIGHTS ARE FAIR DRAWING OUT!

MIDWINTER'S DAY was the 21st of December.  Until the 21st of June, 2010 at precisely 11.28am, for us in the NORTHERN HEMISPHERE, the days are getting longer.  Or as we say in Scotland, the days are fair drawing out.


So HAPPY MIDWINTER to all my readers in the North and to my few readers in the South, HAPPY MIDSUMMER, your nights are fair drawing in.

FATHER OF 16 YEAR OLD JAILED FOR ENCOURAGING HIS SON TO RAPE AND MARRY 12 YEAR OLD COUSIN

WOOD GREEN CROWN COURT

The father of a teenager encouraged to marry and rape his 12-year-old cousin was jailed for three years today.

The 54-year-old man was arrested by Scotland Yard child abuse detectives over an arranged marriage at a house in Woolwich, south east London.  Investigators discovered a 16-year-old boy was told by several family members to illegally marry the young relative and have sex with her.  

The sham Muslim ceremony took place at his parents' house in front of relatives in March last year.

WITHOUT WANTING TO SOUND RACIALLY PREJUDICE, YOU KIND OF KNEW THEY'D BE MUSLIMS, DIDN'T YOU?

BRITAIN STILL THE ONLY MAJOR ECONOMY IN RECESSION AFTER LATEST QUARTERLY FIGURES

Labour's economic credibility was further damaged today after new figures revealed Britain's economy remains mired in recession.

While France and Germany came out of recession in June, the figures reveal Britain's economy shrank by a worse-than-expected 0.2 per cent between July and September.  Economists had been hoping for Britain to begin emerging from recession, but in a fresh blow to Chancellor Alistair Darling, a fall in output for the UK's powerhouse services saw the economy dragged lower, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) said.

GORDON BROWN was the man who told us that BRITAIN was BEST placed to be the country that WOULD LEAD the WORLD out of recession.  After SIX MONTHS, they're all out and WE'RE STILL IN!

BILL CLINTON was once asked what the biggest issue was in RE-ELECTION.  His answer, "IT'S THE ECONOMY STUPID"  

TAXI FOR BROWN! 

SHOCK! HORROR! ENGLAND GETS SNOW IN DECEMBER! FULL HORROR STORY REVEALED!

Tens of thousands of people in England are sleeping in their cars and temporary shelters like department stores, scout huts, restaurant kitchens, public toilets and stately homes tonight after thousands of cars were abandoned on UNTREATED ROADS after THE GRITTERS FAILED TO APPEAR!  Problems included:

• Met Office issues ice warning on 'one of the coldest night of the year'
• AA reports busiest night in 25 years - 70,000 breakdowns coming in every hour today
• 200,000 motorists trapped in snow on the Basingstoke ring road
• More than 10,000 people spend the night in Buckinghamshire department store
• Eurostar resumes limited service - four days after its trains were crippled by cold
• Delays and cancellations at major airports including Heathrow and Manchester

YES, IT SEEMS THE GUYS WHO DRIVE THE GRITTERS COULDN'T GET TO THEIR WORK FOR THE SNOW!

JAILED PC IS LET OUT FOR 3 DAYS AT XMAS-WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

The mother of a 16-year-old Newcastle girl killed by a speeding police officer has hit out at the decision to release him from prison for three days over Christmas.




Grieving Yvonne Adamson is facing her second Christmas without daughter Hayley, who was killed instantly last May when PC John Dougal hit her with his patrol car in Newcastle's West End.  The officer had reached speeds of 94mph in a 30mph zone, without either his sirens or blue lights engaged to warn pedestrians and other drivers.


He will be given three-days' leave from his three-year jail sentence - of which he has served just eight months - between Christmas Day and New Year's Day to visit his family. Mrs Adamson was outraged by the generous terms of his imprisonment.

Why am I not surprised.  From the killing of innocent Brazilians to the murder of an innocent passer by at a disturbance in a London street, THERE SEEMS TO BE ONE RULE FOR THE POLICE AND ANOTHER FOR THE REST OF US!

THE STATE OF LABOUR'S BRITAIN-PRIEST TELLS CONGREGATION TO SHOPLIFT!

A clergyman has been criticised as 'highly irresponsible' after advising his congregation to shoplift following his Nativity sermon.



Father Tim Jones, 41, broke off from his traditional annual sermon yesterday to tell his flock that stealing from large chains is sometimes the best option for vulnerable people.


It is far better for people desperate during the recession to shoplift than turn to 'prostitution, mugging or burglary', he said.  The married father-of-two insisted his unusual advice did not break the Bible commandment 'Thou shalt not steal' - because God's love for the poor outweighs his love for the rich. (PISH- Ed)


Delivering his festive lesson, Father Jones told the congregation: 'My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.  'I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

So this is LABOUR'S BRITAIN.  A country where people are so poor and vulnerable that their RELIGIOUS LEADERS tell them to break one of their religion's fundamental commandments.

WHAT A SAD AND MORALLY IMPOVERISHED COUNTRY WE HAVE BECOME AFTER 13 YEARS OF LABOUR RULE!

INTERNATIONAL NEWS-AUSTRALIAN FARMERS SEE OFF DANCING BANANA

A dancing banana has been dropped from an Australian Wrigley's chewing gum advertisement after farmers threatened a day of protest.

The advert featured an animated banana, coffee, doughnut and soft drink with the slogan "they are really nasty little things that cause plaque."

It's a good thing they haven't been banned here.  In my part of Scotland the 'dancing banana' is a euphemism for something substantially more fleshy, A MAN'S TADGER!  This is taken from the fifth verse of RABBIE BURN'S LOVE SONNET, 'My Love is Like a Red Red Rose'.  Although this verse is less well known it goes, "Aucht times weel go doon tae the Savannah, An' there big Rab will show me his BANANA"

This verse was dropped in the late 19th century as it was thought to cause offence to CARRIBEAN BANANA PRODUCERS, an early case of Political Correctness.

ALEX SALMOND AND SCOTTISH MINISTERS TO BE QUESTIONED BY WESTMINSTER COMMITTEE

The First Minister is to be quizzed by Westminster MPs next month, it was announced today.


The case of the Lockerbie bomber will loom large when Alex Salmond appears before the Commons Scottish Affairs Committee.  Also giving evidence with Mr Salmond on January 10 will be Sir John Elvidge, the Scottish Government's permanent secretary and most senior civil servant.  Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill, who turned down an application for Abdelbaset ali Mohmed al Megrahi to be transferred to a Libyan prison but granted an application for compassionate early release on health grounds, will be questioned by the committee after Mr Salmond.

I don't see  why Scottish Ministers from a sovereign Parliament should be answering questions on devolved subjects before a Westminster Committee, particularly when the Chairman is Mohamed Sarwar, a man who has had several dubious allegations made about him.


When then are Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling coming before a Holyrood committee or indeed the whole Parliament to answer for their mishandling of the Scottish Economy? 

SANTA TOO FAT SAYS SOME TWAT IN AUSTRALIA

It is time for Santa Claus to clean up his act by cutting down on the mince pies and stopping the drink driving, say critics.

The image of a fat, jolly and slightly tipsy Father Christmas sends out the wrong message and could damage millions of lives, say Dr Nathan Grills and illustrator Brendan Halyday, from Monash University in Melbourne, Australia.  Instead of sitting back in his sleigh and breaking the speed limit, Santa should get off and walk or jog, they say.  Obese Santa also needs to swap the brandy and mince pies left out by hopeful children for carrots and celery sticks stolen from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Have you ever heard such PISH in all your life.

Sounds to me like the AUSSIE TWAT has been drinking to much of the AMBER NECTAR!  Of course SANTA'S FAT when he visits Australia, he's got a lot SKINNIER by the time he gets here and by the time he gets to the States he's practically ANOREXIC!

DOUGLAS HOGG MP TO USE 900 YEAR OLD LAW TO AVOID PAYING FOR MOAT!

The MP who used his Commons expenses to clear his moat is refusing to pay back thousands of pounds, claiming he is protected by an ancient law brought to Britain by William the Conqueror.


Former Tory Cabinet Minister Douglas Hogg says he and other MPs accused of abusing their allowances are entitled to keep their expenses based on the Norman law of 'estoppel' - derived from the French word for 'bung'.  The law stops a person denying the truth of a statement of facts he has previously asserted to be true.  The former barrister has spent weeks composing a 15,000-word, 30-page statement setting out his legal stand.

I VERY MUCH DOUBT IF THE LAW APPLIES TO SCOTLAND.  WHY NOT SUE THE THIEVING BASTARD HERE?

LABOUR CAUGHT IN MORE SLEAZY DEALS WITH THEIR DONORS

Ministers were last night accused of drumming up trade for a multi-million-pound company owned by one of Labour's biggest donors. Caparo, the engineering firm founded by Lord Paul, the Labour peer who has non-domicile tax status, was invited on a UK delegation to Saudi Arabia headed by the trade minister Lord Davies of Abersoch earlier this month.


Lord Paul's son, Angad, the chief executive of Caparo, represented the company on the visit to Jeddah, and to an entirely new metropolis on the Red Sea called King Abdullah Economic City. At the same time, it emerged that Caparo has contracts with the Ministry of Defence for nearly half a million pounds.

The disclosures fuelled concerns that the company and the Paul family are benefiting from a close relationship with Labour. Lord Paul, who has donated £400,000 to the Labour Party and who is worth an estimated £500m, is a close friend of Gordon and Sarah Brown.  Lord Paul gave £45,000 to Mr Brown's 2007 leadership campaign and is expected to donate a significant amount towards Labour's general election fund.

This is the administration that exploded onto the scene in 1997 promising to 'CLEAN UP POLITICS'.  Their first move was to receive a bribe from BERNIE ECCLESTONE and they have continued along their SLEAZE RIDDEN PATH ever since.  They now have become known as the PARTY OF SLEAZE AND THE QUICK 'BUCK'.  DISGUSTING!  KEIR HARDIE will be birlin' in HIS GRAVE.

WOMEN WORSE AT PARKING THAT MEN-SCIENTIFIC STUDY CONFIRMS!

Women are slower and less accurate at parking than men, according to a scientific study that confirms the suspicions of many male motorists.

As part of the test 65 people were asked to park an Audi A6 family saloon in a standard-sized parking space.  Their manoeuvres – including head-on, reverse and parallel parking – were timed and rated for accuracy, which was judged by how far they kept the vehicle from the edges of the bay.  While the researchers expected the women volunteers to be slower, they were surprised to find that most of the time, their driving was shite.  The men however were slower at PUTTING ON LIPSTICK in their rear view mirror.


Dr Claudia Wolf from Ruhr University in Bochum, Germany, who led the study, said that the research confirmed previous findings that men have better co-ordination and spatial awareness than women, and take more risks behind the wheel,  "This is a massive failing by women.  Men have claimed that they knew they were BETTER DRIVERS than women and now this study CONFIRMS IT.  I am afraid to say that my studies confirm that MOST WOMEN should not be driving, unless it is PICKING THEIR MAN UP FROM THE PUB"!

IT'S ONLY THE BRITS WHO DON'T APPRECIATE ME- SAYS BLAIR

Tony Blair has hit back defiantly at his British critics, insisting that he is appreciated overseas much more than at home. He also defended his money-making activities.

“If I did what these people who criticise me here wanted, I’d end up just sitting in a corner, but that is never going to be me,” he said.   “You get to a position where the criticism you get, you just have to live with. It’s the way it is. When you are someone like me, you create a lot of controversy one way or another. You just decide to do what you are going to do and let that speak for itself.”


He blamed his negative image in Britain on the press, (you should try being in the SNP !), saying: “They don’t approach me in an objective way. Their first question is how to belittle what I’m doing, knock it down, write something bad about it. It’s not right. It’s not journalism. They don’t get me and they’ve got a score to settle with me. But they are not going to settle it.”

You've got it wrong Tony.  We just hate you and your protegee Brown and everything you stand for, which has turned a once proud NATION into a BASKETCASE.  I really don't think  that like the MPs at WESTMINSTER,  YOU GET IT!  It took the TORIES ten years to sort out the shite that LABOUR left the last time it was in power and CAMERON IS GOING TO HAVE TO DO THE SAME.

P.M. IN CHRISTMAS ADDRESS TO TROOPS

Gordon Brown has sent Christmas greetings to British troops in Afghanistan and told them he would have liked to play Santa by bringing them presents on his recent trip to the country.

The troops replied by saying they would have liked to have given him a present too- a FUCKING BIG BAYONET RIGHT UP HIS ARSE!

WAYNE ROONEY'S ILLEGITIMATE BROTHER IN BUS RAMPAGE!

A man who stole a bus and took it on a 30-mile joyride has been handed an indeterminate jail sentence.

SHAYNE ROONEY, 27, of Ossett, West Yorkshire, is the illegitimate brother of MANCHESTER UNITED FOOTBALLER, WAYNE ROONEY.  He stole the single-decker Arriva bus from Wakefield bus station in August and took it on a rampage through the city's streets, ploughing into other vehicles and street signs on the way.   At Leeds Crown Court, Judge Kerry Macgill jailed Rooney indefinitely to serve at least three-and-a-half years.

WAYNE ROONEY has issued a statement saying, "Me old man was some SHAGGER so he was.  Me Mam never knew who he was knocking off, so am not surprised I got a brother.  Me and Coleen will see him OK when he comes out the knick.  Ah'll mibbees get Coleen to write a book called, WAYNE and SHAYNE, NO BRAIN!

SATURDAY SEXIST PHOTO TO BRING A LITTLE JOY TO MY MALE HETERESXUAL READERS.

Isn't this one of the sexiest pictures you've ever seen?  Sarah Jessica Parker in New York on Thursday.

RESTAURANTER THE FIRST IN SCOTLAND TO HAVE CAR CONFISCATED FOR DRUNK DRIVING

• Inspector David Milne with the restaurateur's Land Rover Freelander that was confiscated by the courts and will now be put up for auction


A DRINK-driver has become the first in Scotland to have his car confiscated by the courts as part of a major crackdown on repeat offenders.


Restaurateur John Tse, 55, had his Land Rover Freelander seized as the festive drink-driving campaign got tougher. His car, said to be worth more than £5,000, will be offered at auction. Money from the sale will go into the Scottish Consolidated Fund – a general public purse operated by the Scottish Government.  Lothian and Borders Police Inspector David Milne said more than 20 cars had been seized across Scotland since the new policy was introduced, but this was the first to be removed permanently from its owner.

As the businessman and entrepreneur had a conviction for drink-driving within the past five years, his car was seized and became the first in Scotland to be forfeited by the courts. The father of one, who pleaded guilty, has seven days to appeal against the sentence. He was also disqualified from driving for four years and fined £200.

Drink driving is obviously considered to be a serious offence, although 35 years ago when I was a youth it was commonplace.  I even did it on occasion myself.  But maturity set in.  I do feel sorry though for the person who drives the next day after being at a party the night before and gets caught.  I SUPPOSE THOUGH, it is a sign of the times we live in, that  'BIG BROTHER POLICE STATE'  now confiscates your VEHICLE FOR BEING CAUGHT TWICE!

COPENHAGEN ENDS IN ACRIMONY AND FAILURE-BROWN FUMING!

The Copenhagen summit ended last night without meaningful agreement between the 119 heads of states who attended.  Obama fell out with the Chinese and Brown fell out with everyone else!                                                                            A successful deal would have seen rich nations pledging to cut carbon dioxide emissions and the creation of a £67 billion fund to help poor countries cope with global warming. The West also wanted the developing world to sign up for cuts in future emissions.

The deadlock left Gordon Brown fuming. Sources said he vented his frustration at the lack of progress, angrily jabbing his fingers at a succession of world leaders during a private meeting and demanding: 'what are you going to do to make this work, you Arsehole?'

Prime Minister Gordon Brown offered to cut Britain's carbon emissions by 42 per cent - 10 times the United States' proposed level.  (How economically successful would that make us)?

Mr Brown had offered to hand over £7.5 billion in extra cash,(we've got that much of it after all),  to developing countries to sweeten the deal.   Late last night, environmentalists said hopes of a meaningful deal were 'SHITE'.

SO ONCE AGAIN SUPERBROWN CAN TAKE OFF THE UNIFORM AND DREAM ONCE MORE OF THE DAY, 'HE'LL SAVE THE WORLD'.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US!

The number of town hall-controlled Big Brother CCTV cameras has trebled in a decade, it emerged last night.



There are now 60,000 cameras trained on members of the public by council snoopers - one for every 1,000 people in the UK.  The huge increase has cost hundreds of millions of pounds, including at least £170million in Home Office grants - although there are doubts over whether the cameras actually help catch criminals.  Many images are so poor they cannot be used to identify violent thugs, while police have admitted as few as one crime is solved for every 1,000 cameras.

SO WHY DO WE HAVE THEM?  ANSWER.  SO WE CAN BE SNOOPED ON BY AN EVER INCREASINGLY TOTALITARIAN STATE.  DOES ANYONE DISAGREE?

LABOUR'S NEW IMMIGRATION POLICY IN TATTERS!

Labour's £1.2billion 'electronic borders' scheme to protect Britain from illegal immigrants and terrorists descended into a shambles last night.



The project's success depends on logging every passenger movement in and out of the UK so police, border guards and the security service know who is here.  But, in order for the scheme to be ruled legal by EU bureaucrats, the Government has been forced to make a raft of concessions to Brussels.

 Concessions to the EU to allow Labour's 'electronic borders' scheme mean EU citizens can still enter the country even if they refuse to hand over their personal details in advance.  These include EU citizens and their relatives - regardless of nationality - being allowed to enter the UK even if they refuse to hand over their personal details in advance.  Effectively, the crucial compulsory element of the eborders scheme has been stripped away for millions of people.

Isn't it wonderful to watch the way the LISBON TREATY is creeping into BRITISH LAW at all levels.  It's just starting to snarl, it's a long way away from biting yet.  GET US OUT SOMEONE, PLEASE?

NAKED FOOTBALLER CLAIMED HE WAS BEING CHASED BY A GHOST!

If you asked a policeman about the excuses people use, they would probably tell you that they have heard them all.  But a Peruvian footballer looks like he might have come up with a completely new one.


Carlos 'Kukin' Flores, a midfield star with Inti Gas Deportes, told police he was being chased by a ghost when he was stopped for running naked through the streets.  Flores, who in the past has admitted to having issues with cocaine, eventually admitted that he had been "engaging with dirty ladies" and that he came up with the ghost line to try and hide the truth from his wife.

Flores said: "I didn't want my wife to be suspicious about ladies so I just told her it was a ghost. She failed to believe me."   The midfielder also denied the incident had anything to do with his previous cocaine problems, he added: "This was nothing like that. I just had a bad day."

I hope it doesn't catch on or there will half my village running about in the SKUD and it's a bit bloody parky for that.  BRASS MONKEYS ANYONE?

PRINCE CHARLES INTERFERES IN POLITICS!

A Cabinet minister was lobbied by aides of the Prince of Wales over the design of eco-towns within hours of being appointed, it has emerged.


The letter to Hazel Blears, from a director at the Prince’s Foundation for the Built Environment, suggested that the towns should follow the design principles of his neo-Georgian village of Poundbury. It has again raised questions about the extent of the Prince’s involvement in political affairs.


The letter, and further communications from directors at the charity requesting — successfully — to meet ministers to discuss housing policy, have been released by the Government following a series of freedom of information requests.  Documents obtained by The Guardian also reveal that Prince Charles wrote personal letters to at least eight government departments since 2006. The contents of these letters were not released by the Government.

JUST WHO does the JUG-EARED TWAT think he is? 

BLEEDIN' ALAN SUGAR?

BBC POLL ON EXECUTING HOMOSEXUALS DISAPPEARS SHARPISH!

The BBC was under fire last night for opening a debate on whether gays should be executed.


The broadcaster started a discussion on its BBC News website asking: 'Should homosexuals face execution?'  The question was posed after a proposed law to execute homosexuals was put forward in Uganda.  More than 633 comments were sent to the discussion board, 206 of which were published before it was closed, making it the most popular forum on the website today.


The idea that Homosexuals should be executed is patently ridiculous, but surely the BBC who have a very successful WORLDWIDE SERVICE should be able to discuss it in the context of NIGERIA?