CAN SOMEONE GET ME A FRESH LOAF IF THEY'RE PASSING?

WHAT'S THE WEATHER GOING TO BE IF IT SNOWS ON ST. SWITHIN'S DAY?

ME, THIS MORNING, SWEEPING THE PATH!

I know all this shite about it raining for 40 days and 40 nights if it rains today, St. Swithin's day, but WHAT HAPPENS IF IT SNOWS?

RUBBISH PILES UP AS BINS NOT LIFTED FOR FIVE WEEKS BECAUSE OF SNOW AND ICE!

Thousands of homeowners have been left with mounting piles of rubbish because councils have refused to empty bins for five weeks due to the weather.

It's a GOOD THING that the HUN didn't win the last war as I don't think some PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY could have suffered CONCENTRATION CAMPS or MASS EXTERMINATION if they can't face A WEE BIT OF SNOW AND THE RUBBISH PILING UP!

Still two consolations, the RUBBISH WON'T BE SMELLING AT THESE TEMPERATURES and it'll KEEP IT NICE AND FRESH FOR THE TRAMPS!

SHOCK! HORROR! ENGLAND GETS SNOW IN DECEMBER! FULL HORROR STORY REVEALED!

Tens of thousands of people in England are sleeping in their cars and temporary shelters like department stores, scout huts, restaurant kitchens, public toilets and stately homes tonight after thousands of cars were abandoned on UNTREATED ROADS after THE GRITTERS FAILED TO APPEAR!  Problems included:

• Met Office issues ice warning on 'one of the coldest night of the year'
• AA reports busiest night in 25 years - 70,000 breakdowns coming in every hour today
• 200,000 motorists trapped in snow on the Basingstoke ring road
• More than 10,000 people spend the night in Buckinghamshire department store
• Eurostar resumes limited service - four days after its trains were crippled by cold
• Delays and cancellations at major airports including Heathrow and Manchester

YES, IT SEEMS THE GUYS WHO DRIVE THE GRITTERS COULDN'T GET TO THEIR WORK FOR THE SNOW!

SATURDAY JOKE

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. “In most parts of the USA we can’t play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring,” the American said.


“Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter. Snow and cold are no object to us,” said the Scot.

“Well, what do you do? Paint your balls black?” asked the American.

“No,” said the Scot, “we just put on an extra sweater or two.”