Tuesday, 22 December 2009

SHOCK! HORROR! ENGLAND GETS SNOW IN DECEMBER! FULL HORROR STORY REVEALED!



Tens of thousands of people in England are sleeping in their cars and temporary shelters like department stores, scout huts, restaurant kitchens, public toilets and stately homes tonight after thousands of cars were abandoned on UNTREATED ROADS after THE GRITTERS FAILED TO APPEAR!  Problems included:

  • Met Office issues ice warning on 'one of the coldest night of the year'
  • AA reports busiest night in 25 years - 70,000 breakdowns coming in every hour today
  • 200,000 motorists trapped in snow on the Basingstoke ring road
  • More than 10,000 people spend the night in Buckinghamshire department store
  • Eurostar resumes limited service - four days after its trains were crippled by cold
  • Delays and cancellations at major airports including Heathrow and Manchester
YES, IT SEEMS THE GUYS WHO DRIVE THE GRITTERS COULDN'T GET TO THEIR WORK FOR THE SNOW!

16 comments:

Quiet_Man said...

Wasn't so bad, we only had 6 inches here in Kent and everything's working ok apart from the Eurostar trains.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Quiet_Man, that's because you're not in London! No I'm only having a gentle ribbing. It seems everytime there is half an inch of snow in England it's a national emergency. First story on the news etc. What happened to global warming? Is this Copenhagen having a laugh? :-)

banned said...

Was chatting to the wife of a Highways Agency chap earlier today. He's the guy who gives the order for the gritters to go out on the local motorways and Major Trunk roads.
I asked if the Met Office had correctly forcast this cold snap and advised the Highways Agency accordingly.
"Oh yes, I think so..." she replied.

It seemed impolite to ask " Then WTF was I trying to get to Plymouth so-called Airport on Monday at six thirty in the morning at 2 below fucking zero with Black Ice on Each and Every fucking roundabout and not a sign of salt or grit or fuck all? Nothing to do with every Council 'Worker' in the land still being pissed up after 'Black Friday' and the promise of a Council Tax payer funded two week Christmas holiday ?

Lazy cunts, probably waiting to be called out on Xmas day to be paid quadruple time for their efforts.

Edgar said...

Snow is snow.

The sooner everybody gets used to the idea, the better.

Sir Fred the Shred said...

I blame global warming. And councils losing all their money in Icelandic banks. Should have invested in the UK.
Lovely jubbly here in Marbella but.

CrazyDaisy said...

DL,

I'm in Londistan and I laugh my tits off at these soft southern jessies, canny handle a wee bit of snow and ice.

More yet to come, pussies!

CD

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, it's just not worth travelling at this time of year. We used to go to the Carribbean for our annual hols at this time, but the drive back up from Manchester in bad weather when you're jetlagged was horrific. It wasted the holiday.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Edgar, snow is snow is snow. The quicker that Local Authorities realise that it's going to happen most years the better.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Fred. As one of your biggest fans and someone who has repeatedly stood up for you against your critics, is there any chance of a couple of weeks in your villa when you're finished with it?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy, fuck me you get around. The last time I spoke to you, you were in Hong Kong. Are you a Jockey or a Jewel Thief?

CrazyDaisy said...

DL,

Neither my friend, I'll be 4000 miles away next month. It would be great to be home living in Scotland but work does not permit that for at least another 4 years unless we gain Independence. In the meantime I must learn as much as possible about how it all works so I may be of benefit to a free Scotland!

CD

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy, your knowledge will be invaluable in a free Scotland. I hope that a lot of current ex-pats would return.

Sir Fred said...

DL. Of course. You're welcome to use the villa. I'll only charge you standard rates as you're a mate.

www.fredsvilla.esp

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Fred, excellent news, are you booked for the Glasgow Fair holiday, 3 and 4th weeks in July).

Sir Fred said...

No problem. Just check the book. Yes we have space for two. Sharing with a party from Kilmarnock. Mr and Mrs Nesbit and family. Hopefully that will be satisfactory. The Nesbits are happy to share but ask that you keep quiet from 4am until 1pm as they enjoy their sleep. That seems fair.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Sir Fred. I would be happy ro share with Roberto as long as he changes his bandage now and again. I know what those Killie bastards are like, their personal hygene leaves a lot to be desired and I don't want him leaving a scummy film on the pool water.