Thursday, 31 December 2009


  • POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR- Kenny MaCaskill for not capitulating to U.S. pressure and doing the right thing in the end
  • WORST POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR-Iain Gray for Labour in the Scottish Parliament for not holding the Government to account
  • SUCCESS OF THE YEAR-Susan Boyle for her incredible voice
  • FLOP OF THE YEAR-Tiger Woods for losing his sponsors $7,000,000,000
  • SPORTSPERSON OF THE YEAR-Catriona Mathew for winning the British Open Golf so soon after giving birth
  • SPORTSFLOP OF THE YEAR-Scottish Football for being shite
  • NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR-Daily Telegraph for the expenses expose
  • WORST NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR-The Scotsman for it's bias against the SNP
  • BEST U.S. PERSONALITY-Hilary Clinton for accepting post under Obama and doing it well
  • WORST U.S. PERSONALITY-Robert Mueller of the FBI for being a cheeky bastard
  • SORRY THEY DIED-Keith Floyd for being a character and there are too few of them
  • GLAD THEY'RE STILL DEAD-Pope John Paul for the genocide he caused in Africa from denying the people the use of condoms and thus letting AIDS spread
  • **PERSON OF THE YEAR**-Joanna Lumley for her work on behalf of the Gurkhas
  • **ARSEHOLE OF THE YEAR**- Michael Martin closely followed by the Bankers and some MPs

  • PERSON OF THE DECADE-HM The Queen for recovering from the death of Diana and the criticism that brought and standing tall at her age. (I'm not a Royalist BTW)
  • ARSEHOLE OF THE DECADE-Take your pick from Osama Bin Laden, George W Bush, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and Mugabe

I've enjoyed your company since the end of March since I started writing this shite and thanks to all of you who contributed.  May I wish you and yours, A VERY HAPPY, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR and 'Aw the best at the Bells'!


Anonymous said...

A nice list there DL and the same to you and yours!

Scottish Unionist said...

This article needs additional citations for verification.
Please help improve this article by adding reliable references. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (January 2008)

Human Feces (also faeces — see spelling differences), also known as stools, is the waste product of the human digestive system and varies significantly in appearance, depending on the state of the whole digestive system, influenced and found by diet and health. Normally stools are semisolid, with a mucus coating. Small pieces of harder, less moist feces can sometimes be seen impacted on the distal (leading) end. This is a normal occurrence when a prior bowel movement is incomplete; and feces are returned from the rectum to the intestine, where water is absorbed.

Meconium (sometimes erroneously spelled merconium) is a newborn baby's first feces. Human feces are a defining subject of toilet humor.

Contents [hide]
1 Fecal management
2 Laboratory testing of feces
3 Bristol Stool Chart
4 Color variations of feces
4.1 Yellow
4.2 Black
4.3 Blue
5 Fecal contamination
6 Utilization
7 See also
8 References

[edit] Fecal management

If feces is too hard or large, a plunger might be needed to flush it.Main articles: Night soil, Toilet, Latrine, and Sewage
The management of feces is an issue of hygiene, since feces contribute to spreading of diseases and intestinal parasites. Toilets were known in ancient India (dated as early as 2,500 BC), in Ancient Rome, Egypt and China, although the contemporary flush toilet originated in 19th century Victorian England.

Until the end of the 19th century, the primary concern of sewage collection and disposal in the Western world was to remove waste away from inhabited places, and it was common to use waterflows and larger bodies of water as a destination of sewage, where waste could be naturally dissipated and neutralized. With the increased population density this is no longer a viable solution, and special processing of sewage is required. The lack of the latter is a grave sanitary and public health problem in developing countries.

[edit] Laboratory testing of feces
Feces will sometimes be required for microbiological testing, looking for an intestinal pathogen or other parasite or disease.

Biochemical tests done on feces include fecal elastase and fecal fat measurements, as well as tests for fecal occult blood.

It is recommended that the clinician correlate the symptoms and submit specimens according to laboratory guidelines to obtain results that are clinically significant. Formed stools often do not give satisfactory results and suggest little of actual pathological conditions.

Three main types of microbiological tests are commonly done on feces:

Antibody-antigen type tests, that look for a specific virus (e.g. rotavirus).
Microscopic examination for intestinal parasites and their ova (eggs).
Routine culture.
Routine culture involves streaking the sample onto agar plates containing special additives, such as MacConkey agar, that will inhibit the growth of Gram-positive, thick membranes organisms and will selectively allow enteric pathogens to grow, and incubating them for a period, and observing the bacterial colonies that have grown.

[edit] Bristol Stool Chart

The Bristol Stool Chart or Bristol Stool Scale is a medical aid designed to classify the form of human feces into seven categories. Sometimes referred to in the UK as the "Meyers Scale," it was developed by K.W.Heaton at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997.[1] The form of the stool depends on the time it spends in the colon.[2]

The seven types of stool are:

1.Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
2.Sausage-shaped but lumpy
3.Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
4.Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
5.Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
6.Fluffy pieces with ragged edges,

31 December 2009 15:43

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year DL and let's all give the bastards twice as much shit in 2010 ;-)


Rog T said...

The thought of having to take my pick from your selection of arseholes put me off my dinner. A truly repulsive choice.

Happy New Year and keep giving them hell

Dark Lochnagar said...

Headson, Have a good one. Thanks for your contributions.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Unionist, a delightful and thoughtful response which requires a longer and more complicated answer than I am able to give at the moment as the wife is shouting at me to get ready to go out. But I will revert.

Dark Lochnagar said...

G.O.T. and to you. Yes, sounds good to me.. I in the hell giving business, I just wish I could design the pics that you do.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rog T. I must admit I find thinking of arseholes human or not, puts me off my tea!

banned said...

Wake up you dozy pissed old twat DL, come on It's 2010 Yay!

Good list especially Joanna Lumley as person of the year and The Queen, God bless Her.

I would also add "Secret Squirrel of the year". Whoever, leaked Climategate. He/She is probably languishing in a secret dungeon beneath the Met Office in Exeter awaiting rendition when the skies clear.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, you're joking I was only out for 3 hours. Pavements fucking trecherous with snow and ice. I went on my fucking arse twice. I nearly broke my carry out! Now I can't sleep and I find you in the same state.

The Climate bandits will be waiting for the secret squirrel and that is guaranteed!

Ecky said...

Happy New Year to you and all your readers.

Scottish Unionist...

Talking shite as usual while being bumfucked by your masters in London.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ecky, and to you and yours. Aye, S.U.'s response was a bit weird. Still as you say, he'll need to do his master's bidding.

Don't Call Me Dave said...


Happy New Year to you and yours. It’s a pity you live in Scotlandshire as we could do with you here in North West London. Perhaps the SNP would like to field some candidates in Barnet?

More power to your keyboard!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Fred, thanks and to you. I've been on that site of yours and you've got some funny bloody politicians down there. They might have to, to get a fair hearing on the Leaders TV Platform.