ACCLAIM FOR NEW SCOTTISH CHAMPIONS!

ONE of Scotland's most notorious criminal families was exposed last night as the UK's largest organised shoplifting gang.



Branded as the "biggest and richest" outfit in the UK, members of Glasgow's infamous McGovern gang were caught on camera making off with thousands of pounds worth of goods in less than two minutes.  Targeting shops around the UK and mainland Europe, BBC Scotland's Millionaire Thieves showed how members of the gang stole over £1,500 worth of stock in under two minutes – raking in £100,000 a day through a series of complex deceptions.

Head of the clan, Jimmy told Dark Lochnagar, " I'm proud, really proud, at grabbing the UK record.  We have been running a close second to the Murphy gang from Liverpool, but some of the scouse bastards got time and our superior knocking power put us in the lead.  People say we're thieves, but I tell them to look at the banks, at least we work hard for our money.  We don't have that gormless, one-eyed, shitebag Brown throwing money at us.  No, what we have, we had to take.  M&S is our favourite because they give you money back on anything, no questions asked.  Just as long as you have it in a M&S bag, piece of cake!

It is my earnest hope that we can end 2010, where we have started, Numero uno!  We will however get some serious competition from some of the London mobs, but we have an agreement not to knock on each others' patches."

Next year's competition is interesting Simon Cowell, who wants to call the programme, 'THIEVING ON THIN ICE'.

THE STATE OF LABOUR'S BRITAIN-PRIEST TELLS CONGREGATION TO SHOPLIFT!

A clergyman has been criticised as 'highly irresponsible' after advising his congregation to shoplift following his Nativity sermon.



Father Tim Jones, 41, broke off from his traditional annual sermon yesterday to tell his flock that stealing from large chains is sometimes the best option for vulnerable people.


It is far better for people desperate during the recession to shoplift than turn to 'prostitution, mugging or burglary', he said.  The married father-of-two insisted his unusual advice did not break the Bible commandment 'Thou shalt not steal' - because God's love for the poor outweighs his love for the rich. (PISH- Ed)


Delivering his festive lesson, Father Jones told the congregation: 'My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.  'I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

So this is LABOUR'S BRITAIN.  A country where people are so poor and vulnerable that their RELIGIOUS LEADERS tell them to break one of their religion's fundamental commandments.

WHAT A SAD AND MORALLY IMPOVERISHED COUNTRY WE HAVE BECOME AFTER 13 YEARS OF LABOUR RULE!