Tuesday, 12 January 2010

ACCLAIM FOR NEW SCOTTISH CHAMPIONS!



ONE of Scotland's most notorious criminal families was exposed last night as the UK's largest organised shoplifting gang.



Branded as the "biggest and richest" outfit in the UK, members of Glasgow's infamous McGovern gang were caught on camera making off with thousands of pounds worth of goods in less than two minutes.  Targeting shops around the UK and mainland Europe, BBC Scotland's Millionaire Thieves showed how members of the gang stole over £1,500 worth of stock in under two minutes – raking in £100,000 a day through a series of complex deceptions.

Head of the clan, Jimmy told Dark Lochnagar, " I'm proud, really proud, at grabbing the UK record.  We have been running a close second to the Murphy gang from Liverpool, but some of the scouse bastards got time and our superior knocking power put us in the lead.  People say we're thieves, but I tell them to look at the banks, at least we work hard for our money.  We don't have that gormless, one-eyed, shitebag Brown throwing money at us.  No, what we have, we had to take.  M&S is our favourite because they give you money back on anything, no questions asked.  Just as long as you have it in a M&S bag, piece of cake!

It is my earnest hope that we can end 2010, where we have started, Numero uno!  We will however get some serious competition from some of the London mobs, but we have an agreement not to knock on each others' patches."

Next year's competition is interesting Simon Cowell, who wants to call the programme, 'THIEVING ON THIN ICE'.

10 comments:

banned said...

They won't be too bothered about the odd £80.00 on the spot fine then? ( Which is the same fine you get for smoking at a bus stop).

Stout Heart said...

Well well Dark, now you know where the shell suite and trainers you bought in the Tam O’Shanter Inn came from.

Stout Heart said...

Well well Dark, now you know where the shell suite and trainers you bought in the Tam O’Shanter Inn came from.

Stout Heart said...

Well well Dark, now you know where the shell suite and trainers you bought in the Tam O’Shanter Inn came from.

Stout Heart said...

sorry about that - it must be the old parkinson's playing havoc with the trigger finger!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, no this is a well run organisation. None of your Fagans here. They can strip a shop in two minutes like a flock of locusts. Thank fuck Scotland's good at something. Nearly makes up for not qualifying for the World Cup.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Stouters, What's that song, "STOUT HEART, so good they named it thrice". I remember Frank Sinatra singing it!

banned said...

Flock of locusts? That'll be the orcs from the countryside who stripped our supermarkets bare of milk and bread at the first flake of snow!
Spent yesterday afternoon listening to Sally fucking Traffic on Radio 2 telling me about the roads closing again as the new nuclear winter approached, got as close as ten miles away but I just woke up and heard the sound of RAIN pissing down, Result!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, what are they going to do with all that milk. I know it lasts a week now, but come on! And the bread it will either be mouldy or every freezer will be frilled up. Surely to fuck people can do without some fucking toast!

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