Tuesday, 12 January 2010
ACCLAIM FOR NEW SCOTTISH CHAMPIONS!
ONE of Scotland's most notorious criminal families was exposed last night as the UK's largest organised shoplifting gang.
Branded as the "biggest and richest" outfit in the UK, members of Glasgow's infamous McGovern gang were caught on camera making off with thousands of pounds worth of goods in less than two minutes. Targeting shops around the UK and mainland Europe, BBC Scotland's Millionaire Thieves showed how members of the gang stole over £1,500 worth of stock in under two minutes – raking in £100,000 a day through a series of complex deceptions.
Head of the clan, Jimmy told Dark Lochnagar, " I'm proud, really proud, at grabbing the UK record. We have been running a close second to the Murphy gang from Liverpool, but some of the scouse bastards got time and our superior knocking power put us in the lead. People say we're thieves, but I tell them to look at the banks, at least we work hard for our money. We don't have that gormless, one-eyed, shitebag Brown throwing money at us. No, what we have, we had to take. M&S is our favourite because they give you money back on anything, no questions asked. Just as long as you have it in a M&S bag, piece of cake!
It is my earnest hope that we can end 2010, where we have started, Numero uno! We will however get some serious competition from some of the London mobs, but we have an agreement not to knock on each others' patches."
Next year's competition is interesting Simon Cowell, who wants to call the programme, 'THIEVING ON THIN ICE'.