Wednesday, 30 December 2009

SCOTTISH SECRETARY MURPHY IN SUICIDE ATTEMPT AFTER 'ANUS HORRIBLES'



Scottish Secretary, Jim Murphy, was unfortunately recovering in Hospital after some stupid bastard rescued him, when he attempted to commit suicide at a Glasgow shipbuilding facility, earlier today.

Murphy, jumped into the freezing water after having consumed nearly a half bottle of Malt Whisky.  One of the production crew who were there a Mr John Brown said, "aye, yir Murphy man, was well pished.  He suddenly shouted something about an 'anus horribles' and jumped over the edge.  Most of the guys wanted to leave the wee bastard but the gaffer said we had to pull him up.  We did eventually, after we had been for our tea-break and by that time he had been in the water about 30 minutes and he looked even worse than when he went in, if that was possible."

Mr Murphy was rushed by ambulance to Woodford Green Hospital in London, a journey of 357 miles because no hospital in Scotland wanted to take him.  A Police spokesman later, told Dark Lochnagar, that investigations about the 'anus horribles' were still at an early stage and that they were not sure if the 'Anus' in question referred to Lord Foulkes or if Murphy was talking about his own.

7 comments:

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

DL I wondered what all the blues and twos were down here. Hopefully when he's dried out in Wood Green and is sent back he'll get busted on some ecolunacy charge for polluting the Clyde. Sweet.

banned said...

Fuck me I'm pissed, do you want a fucking row now Dark Lochnagar or fucking what, you cunt ?

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!! They have cleaned the Clyde up so a piece of shite like him would be spotted a mile off,

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, you are a fucking wanker. How come you got pissed and didn't tell me you fuckpig. I could have got pissed too and we could have had a right good fight. Fucking arsehole!

banned said...

Oops, should have learned my lesson some years ago, like me old mum said; 'don't go posting on t'internet when pissed.'

Since you will be totally blathered this time tomorrow may I take the opportunity to wish you the very best for 2010 Dark Lochnagar ?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, fuck me you sobered up quickly! So I'm no longer a cunt. ;-) Yes all the best for 2010 to you, your family and your friends and as we say in my family, 'Aw the best at the Bells'. Now away to your bed, you stupid old fart!

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