Thursday, 24 December 2009

**THE SECOND COMING** DAMIAN BORN IN A BERNI INN WHILST LOCALS EAT ROAST BEEF!



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The second coming, came last night as diners ate their Olde English Roast Beef with all the trimmings in a Berni Inn at Bodmin Moor in Cornwall.

As Morris Dancers quaffed their pints of stout English Ale by night, three Kings of the Maji, pushed through to attend the birth of little Damian Brigstock, who was being born in the 'snug' at the famous olde coaching Inn.

The proud Dad, Elton Brigstock (35), said "Christ, you could have knocked me down with a feather.  My partner Kylie was just in the process of giving birth when these three Arab looking blokes pushed into the room saying they were bearing gifts.  Well I didn't care what they were bearing, they weren't getting a look at my partner's fanny.  I told them to sling their hook and  that they could stick their Frankincense and Myrrh up their arse.  But don't worry, me mate Roger who was videoing the birth got their faces on camera.  We'll be handing the video to the Police, after Roger edits it, to take out the pictures of the fanny.  We don't want all those dirty bastards down at the station to be ogling it for a laugh".

Police are looking for three shifty bastards who were seen leaving the pub on camels.  The names of the two 'Morris Men' who were arrested posing as midwifes, are being withheld until their families are told.  Seemingly their beards were a dead give away!

13 comments:

Barking Spider said...

Good one, DL, Merry Christmas, mate. :-)

Lorenzo said...

I started reading and then began to think perhaps I'm being over come with carbon monoxide poisoning so went and opened all the windows in the house. Then I read on and realised it actually said what it said, now I can't tell if I'm shaking from laughter or shivering to death.

scunnert said...

Merry Christmas DL.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Spidey, Ach well, you need a laugh at Christmas with all this goodwill. I've had my elerly parents in law here for two nights and they're driving me round the fucking twist already. I'm not sure I'll make it to boxing day!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Lorenzo, I'm glad you enjoyed. Sometimes I just get in a stupid mood!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnart, and to you and yours and aw the best at the bells.

banned said...

As a good Moslem I am in the habit of entering these Allah cursed drinking houses to be offended by the sight of infidels drinking foul alcohol and eating disgusting pork. Imagine my level of offendedness to be presented with this blatent Christianite propaganda in a public place!
If a good citizen can't be left in peace what is the world coming to ? I shall be writing to The Guardian about this.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I would expect nothing less from you. Of course I believe that the 'Christ' is seen as a prophet in your religon. But you're right the smell of the afterbirth would put you right off your steak and chips.

the pope said...

I bless this child ( after I get up off my arse )

Dark Lochnagar said...

Your Popiness, it is indeed an honour to talk with you on this most holy of your Christian festivals. Blessings be to your holy arse and might I suggest you make me the head of your security at of course an inordinate amount of money as I believe that the failed Nun who knocked you over, tried the same thing last year, the whore of hell.

the pope said...

Bless you darkie and thanks for your offer of security but it's all been sorted. We're getting the Italian Army when they return from Afghanistan. They're being redeployed to protect the Vatican.
They weren't suited to the guerilla warfare in Afghanistan as it was too difficult to find someone to surrender to.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Your Popiness, look on the bright side. They're bullets will be nice and shiny for shooting someone if they ever learn to use use their guns. Gorrilla warfare? Are you sure they weren't in the Rwandan rainforest?

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.