P.M. ARRESTED FOR HORSE-SHAGGING IN U.S.

THE HORSE'S ARSE THAT HE SHAGGED

A BRITISH PRIME MINISTER, GORDON BROWN, has been arrested for having sex with a horse, whilst on holiday in the U.S. with his wife SARAH, after police said the animal's owner caught him on a surveillance camera.

Police said it wasn't the first time 50-year-old GORDON BROWN had been charged; last year he pleaded guilty to having sex with the same horse and was placed on the state's sex offender list.
Police arrested BROWN on Monday, when he returned to the stable 20 miles (32 kilometres) northeast of Myrtle Beach where owner Barbara Kenley said a camera caught him having sex with her horse earlier this month.

After fucking the horse Brown, will be returning to the U.K. shortly where he will continue to Fuck the British Country.

(The names in the above story have been changed to save embarrassment to the real perpetrator)

THINGS NOT TO DO ABROAD!

Things not to do abroad, (pictured), don't get caught by paparazzi when you take your 'niece' away for a few days, DIRTY OLD BASTARD!

OTHER THINGS:

• 
  In Milan it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits.
  
• In Massachusetts, taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of the car during their shifts.
  
• In Denmark, people are legally obliged to honk the horn and check for small children underneath the car.
  
• In Thailand, it is illegal for anyone to leave a building without wearing their pants.
  
• In Michigan, anyone planning on bathing in public must have their swim suit inspected by a police officer.
  
• In Florida, any unmarried woman who parachutes on a Sunday could be jailed. Singing while wearing a swimming costume is also prohibited.
  
• In Portugal it is unlawful to urinate in the sea.
  
• In Hong Kong the wife of a husband who commits adultery is legally entitled to kill the mistress in any manner desired, and the husband with just her bare hands.
  
• In Switzerland flushing the lavatory after 10pm is illegal.
  
• In Canada if you are arrested and then released from prison, it is a legal requirement that the felon is given a handgun with bullets and a horse, so they can ride safely out of the town.
  
• In Scotland, on a night out, it is bad manners for a woman to drop her chips whilst her partner is making love to her.

13 CHILDREN TAKEN INTO CARE NOW SHE'S PREGNANT AGAIN!

A pregnant woman who has already had 13 children taken into care last night vowed to keep on giving birth until she is allowed to keep one.
Theresa Winters has spent almost half of her life having babies, but has not been allowed to keep any of them beyond the age of two.
Even her own sister believes that she should be sterilised.

After having 3 kids with her first husband, she is now producing no 14 with the TWAT ABOVE.

All her kids have been taken into care because of NEGLECT and she has not been able to keep any of them past two years old.

We often criticise SOCIAL WORKERS when they get it wrong.

GET HER STERALISED NOW AS QUICK AS FUCKING POSSIBLE, SHE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE WEANS!

STRANDED SHEEP SHOT DEAD BY R.S.P.C.A.!

Stranded Sheep Shot Dead As Rescue Bid Fails
12:04pm UK, Tuesday July 28, 2009
A sheep stranded on a cliff-face near Whitby has been shot dead after a rescue bid failed.

The ewe attracted the attention of locals near Whitby
The RSPCA feared the animal could bolt and injure those trying to save her.
She had been stuck half way down the 220-foot cliffs between Whitby and Robin Hoods Bay for several weeks.

RESCUERS WERE LATER TREATED TO A NICE BARBECUE.

BRITISH PRIME MINISTER JOINS THE TALIBAN!

(A photo knicked from somewhere which escapes me, sorry!)

In a shock statement from Downing Street, tonight, the PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN, addressed the nation,

'Remember how two days ago I said we had beat the TALIBAN in Helmann's Mayonaise, well I was lying.' 'In fact, I have decided that if we can't beat them, then I'll join them and this is me with some of the boys off into town for a few beers and and a game of PASS THE SUICIDE BOMBER.' 'That's me bottom left with a nice wee UZI.


'I'm looking forward til tomorrow when we're playing a wee game of footy with a SHEEP'S HEID.' 'My dad would have been proud of me because although the lads are quite religious, I think I may be persuading them into becoming WEE FREES.' 'Anyway they have promised not to kill anyone on a Sunday, just to see how it works out.'


Well, CHEERY for now and I am sorry about all the trouble I caused but it was all Tone's idea, honest!

WE LOSE ANOTHER HELICOPTER IN THE GULF!

Britain is now down to 17 HELICOPTERS IN AFGHANISTAN as we lost one in a search and rescue mission in the Gulf of Arabia, after it was eaten by a FUCKING BIG SHARK!

FORCED IMMIGRANT MIGRATION TO SCOTLAND

ALL MUSLIM SCHOOLS

Am I the only one who is not happy with this idea of Labour's to target Scotland for immigrants?


Since the idea was mooted of giving them extra points for settling in our Nation so they can become citizens, there has not been a peep from my fellow bloggers. Are we all too feart to say anything in case we get labelled as racists?


Well most of you know me by now so here goes:


I love my country dearly. I believe we should run our own affairs and to that end I am and have been for some time a member of the SNP. I also believe in the Party's belief that anyone who wants to come to Scotland and integrate in Scottish Society is very welcome.

That's where I have a problem. I'm sorry to say as well that it tends to be with Muslims and Muslim Pakistanis in particular. Before going on, can I say it is not exclusively with this group, but generally it is.

Now I know there are many members of the Muslim Fraternity who integrate and add richly to society. I know however from work experiences there are many who do not and can't even speak English after being here for many years.

I also have in the past worked down south in areas like Bradford and Blackburn and I don't want any of my Scottish cities becoming ghettos like they have become. Fuck me, they're bad enough with us native Scots!

It seems our population is falling.SO THE NEXT TIME YOU AND YOUR ,(HETEROSEXUAL), PARTNER GET INTO SOME SERIOUS SHAGGING. REMEMBER, IT'S FOR YOUR COUNTRY!


So that's what I think and you can call me a racist if you want, but as always please comment, (particularly if you are a Muslim), because comments are the lifeblood of any blog.

POLICEMAN SENT ON 'ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSE' FOR SWEARING AT KNIFE THUG

VIOLENT, KNIFE WIELDING, THUG GLEN FRANCIS

A man who threatened to stab four police officers in the heart and held a two-hour stand-off is launching legal action because a police sergeant swore at him.



The sergeant has been sent to an Anger Management Advice course and Northumbria Police face the threat of a civil action from the 35-year-old thug, who had to be subdued with a Taser gun.

HE ALSO THREATENED POLICE WITH A HAND GUN AND HAD TO BE TASERED FIVE TIMES TO BE SUBDUED!


Simon Reed of the Police Federation, said the case 'TYPIFIES THE BUREAUCRATIC NONSENSE POLICE OFFICERS HAVE TO CONTEND WITH.'

THE BASTARD should be given 2 months training and then sent to AFGHANISTAN.

(Er.... the thug not the policeman)!

LABOUR REJECT CALMAN COMMISSION

SECRETARY OF STATE MURPHY

The CALMAN COMMISSION'S proposals were yesterday rejected by THE LABOUR PARTY and in particular, GORDON BROWN through his mouthpiece JIM MURPHY.



THE SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT'S request that they implement transference of powers to Scotland of air weapons, traffic offences and control over elections was declined. These were all parts of the conclusions which Sir Kenneth Calman had said could be implemented quickly.

With the LIB/DEMS seemingly cooling on the whole process and now Labour refusing to give the Commission any teeth, it is left to the Conservatives to champion this EXPENSIVE, UNIONIST, PANIC-DRIVEN NONSENSE.


Let's wait for a proper consultation on Scotland's powers, as is being undertaken now by the SNP GOVERNMENT, before jumping to any regrettable decisions.

TOXIC OLYMPIC WASTE DUMPED IN SCOTLAND?

THE OLYMPIC PARK, STRATFORD, LONDON

It is alleged tonight that TOXIC WASTE from the OLYMPIC SITE IN LONDON is being transported by train to SCOTLAND where it is being allegedly dumped at the AVONDALE LANDFILL SITE NEAR FALKIRK. see http://powersminions.blogspot.com .


The Avondale site is reportedly handling up t0 1500 TONS PER WEEK. The site is operated by SHANKS MCEWAN PLC and permission has been allegedly granted by SEPA in STIRLING. The waste can no longer be dumped in ENGLAND OR WALES due to a tightening of regulations and it remains TOO TOXIC for dumping in the rest of the U.K.


So why is it being brought 400 miles to SCOTLAND?

IS THIS THE UNION DIVIDEND YOU PROMISED, MR MURPHY?

RED INDIAN LOGIC

CHIEF TWO FEATHERS

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?' The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

BARACK OBAMA IS "ILLEGAL ALIEN"

BARACK OBAMA AS A WEAN

Right Wing US conspiracists question Obama's birth certificate


On the fringes of the American right, a growing conspiracy claims that Barack Obama is hiding a Kenyan birth certificate, making him ineligible to serve as president.


They just can't accept that AMERICA would vote for a black man, can they?

CYCLOPS COUSIN FLIES IN FOR GAMES

THE OLD BROUN AND HIS FAMILY

Australia's oldest BROWN, SIR WAYNE BROUN, (82), has flown in to grab the record as the oldest FATHER at the EDINBURGH HOMECOMING GAMES.

'I've been creating children for many years' , said Sir Wayne 'and it is indeed a pleasure to be able to create a few more here in the Land of my Fathers'. His 'Fathers' were sent to Australia over three hundred and fifty years ago for SHEEPSHAGGING, but over the years their sexual preferences have been refined.

Sir Wayne's vacation continues next week in Norfolk, England, where he will watch an exhibition put on by the Norwich young Morris Dancers.

Any rumours that the Broun clan and the Gay Gordon Browns are related is purely a matter of Westminster gossip.

WORST RECORD SINCE RECESSIONS BEGAN

We all know that LABOUR HAVE THE WORST RECESSION SINCE RECORDS BEGAN, but this being the weekend I would like to pose the question; WHAT IS THE WORST RECORD SINCE RECESSIONS BEGAN?

For the purposes of the exercise let's start in say 1950, (that's for you old Bastards).

My top five would be;

1. I shot the Sheriff, (but I did not shoot his fucking deputy) by that guitar playing twat
2. We're going to rock around the cock, tonight, by Bill Hailey and the Comets
3. I will rock you by Queen
4. Yellow Submarine by the Beatles
5. Anything by Paul McCartney after he left Wings.

My Favourites are;

1. Loch Lomond by Runrig
2. House of the rising sun by the Animals
3. Desperado by the Eagles
4. Hotel California by the Eagles
5. Most stuff by Oasis.

Please feel free to leave your offerings!

ANDREW MacKINLAY-HONOURABLE M.P.

ANDREW MacKINLAY M.P.

At last an honourable M.P. with the courage of his convictions. ANDREW MacKINLAY M.P. a Labour member has resigned due to his disgust at the way his fellow backbenchers have treated the case of GARY McKINNON, (see previous posts this month).

He is disgusted at the power the Government whips hold over ordinary rank and file M.P.s.

I SALUTE YOU, SIR.

MALE RAPIST TRANSVESTITE WANTS TO GO TO FEMALE ONLY PRISION

FROM THE MAIL

A transsexual killer, who tried to rape a woman, is using legal aid to fight for a transfer from a men's prison to a women's jail.
He says prison rules are violating his human rights by preventing him from living as a woman.
His legal aid bill is understood to already be five figures.
Tens of thousands more in taxpayers' pounds is being spent opposing the case by the justice department and on court costs.

LOCK THE BASTARD UP OR SEND HIM TO AN UNINHABITED ISLAND-IT'S HIS FUCKING HARD LUCK.

WHY SHOULD WE PAY!

GOBBY BASTARD FOULKES IN THE SHITE!

FROM THE INDEPENDENT:


"Lord Foulkes, the English public schoolboy who so stoutly defended Mr Speaker Martin on working-class Scottish tribal loyalty grounds, may be the most hilariously sycophantic creature even New Labour has produced. This is not an uncrowded field, but suffice it for now that Foulkes' Nose is scheduled for inclusion, between chocolate and russet, in the next Dulux colour chart."

COULDN'T HAVE PUT IT BETTER MYSELF!

DOGS GET NEW STRAIN OFGERMAN SWEINHUND FLU!

YOU JUST KNEW THERE WOULD BE SOME STUPID PRICK WHO'D GET HIS DOG A MASK!

EX DJ JIMMY SAVILLE IN BANK HIT AND RUN

A MOBILITY SCOOTER SIMILIAR TO THE ONE USED BY BANK ROBBER JIMMY SAVILLE

Police hunt elderly mobility scooter driver after woman, 90, is injured in hit-and-run after bank raid by ex DJ JIMMY SAVILLE
By Daily Mail Reporter Last updated at 12:14 AM on 24th July 2009

Police are looking for the scooter driver, believed to be JIMMY SAVILLE, an elderly man in his 70s, who earlier had raided a Branch of Barclay's Bank and got away with a large amount in cash.

The elderly woman suffered a serious cut to her leg after being hit as she walked on a high street pavement with her daughter.
The driver of the scooter - a white-haired man in his 70s - was heard to shout as he sped away, 'how's about that then'.

SAVILLE who police say has gone off the rails since his elderly mother died last year, has been increasingly short of cash since his application to be the new SPEAKER OF THE COMMONS was rejected by MPs.

Police have appealed to Saville to give himself up as he dropped his ZIMMER FRAME and the batteries on his scooter will need re-charging.

MINISTER OF WAR CHANGES TUNE!

LORD MALLOCH-BROWN

Minister of War, some FUCKING ENOBLED TWAT no-one has ever heard of, LORD MALLOCH-BROWN, ( no relation to CYCLOPS), today changed his tune after saying that we did not have enough HELICOPTERS in AFGHANISTAN.

THAT'S A SUPRISE THEN!

Tell me this. If CYCLOPS had a young son of around eighteen years of age serving in AFGHANISTAN, WOULD WE HAVE MORE THAN 1 HELICOPTER PER 500 TROOPS?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE WOULD.

THE INCOMPETENT BASTARD.

BRITISH WEANS KICKED OUT OF FRANCE!

FRENCH HEALTH MINISTER ROSELYNE BACHELOT

FROM THE DAILY MAIL.

'Fuck off back to your disease-ridden country, you English pigs!' What the French said to young, innocent British schoolchildren with learning difficulties and swine flu.

British schoolchildren with swine flu and learning difficulties were treated like 'dangerous criminals' and 'Asylum seekers from Albania' before being kicked out of France. Medics dressed in white suits and masks swooped on the terrified children and sent them back home in a blacked-out coach, with fuck all to eat or drink or anywhere to have a shite!


BUT NO YOU FRENCH BASTARDS, YOU WERE PLEASED TO SEE US 65 YEARS AGO WHEN THE 'BOSCH' WERE RAPING YOUR MEN AND KILLING YOUR WOMEN!

THINGS YOUR 'MAIL' HATES ABOUT THE FRENCH!

1. They smell of Garlic
2. Garlic is smelly
3. Their women are hairy
4. Their men shave their legs
5. They spoke funny
6. Both sexes pish in the same public lavvy
7. Green 'Golden Delicious' apples are shite
8. They eat fucking awful
9. They eat snails
10. And frogs' leg
11. Sarkozy is a wee numpty
12. De'Gaulle's nose was fucking huge
13. They don't know who's in the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior!


READERS ARE WELCOME TO ADD THE REASONS THEY DON'T LIKE THE FRENCH IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!

HOW DID YOU SPEND YOUR £213 LAST MONTH?

AN INCOMPETENT FUCKER WHO USED TO BE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER

How did you spend your £213 last month?


Or more correctly, how did Her Majesty's Government spend it? You see £213 was the amount that every man, woman or child contributed last month to PAY THE INTEREST ON THE NATIONAL DEBT OF £800 BILLION.

It is costing US, £5000 PER FUCKING SECOND!

But I've got a better idea. Instead of paying the interest why doesn't Britain tell the people who own the national debt to FUCK OFF. Give us £426 per couple, every month and that would stimulate the ECONOMY AND GET US OUT OF THE SHIT!


You could save it up for a couple of months and stay in TURBERRY HOTEL for a night or stay for 2 months in a TRAVELODGE!

Some people would spend it in a pub or a restaurant thereby stimulating employment. Save for a year and buy a wee car. First buyers would have the deposit to get on the housing ladder thereby stimulating building.

AND THE PEOPLE WHO OWN THE DEBT? Well the CHANNEL TUNNEL hasn't made a penny in profit since it was opened and the banks just keep on re-scheduling the debt. If it wasn't deemed to be of IMPORTANCE NATIONAL, (wee bit of French there-impressed or what), and was a Limited Company it would have been shut down years ago.

SO WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!

PRIME MINISTER BURSTS INTO FLAMES***STOP-PRESS-REUTERS

A TASER SIMILIAR TO THE ONE THAT SET THE PRIME MINISTER ON FIRE

The British Prime Minister was tonight in a Western Australia outback Hospital after being SET ALIGHT BY A POLICE TASER in a bizarre incident at a FILLING STATION.

THE PRIME MINISTER who seemingly had been SNIFFING PETROL charged at two policemen carrying a CAN OF PETROL and a LIGHTER!

Despite repeated warnings the PRIME MINISTER would not put the PETROIL down and was TASERED by the constables.

This had the unfortunate effect of setting the PRIME MINISTER alight. The POLICE rolled him on the ground and managed to put the flames out.

The PRIME MINISTER was later charged by the police of being in possession of a "SNIFFING SUBSTANCE".


Alright you guessed........ it wasnae CYCLOPS just some poor unfortunate ABORIGINE TRYING TO GET A CHEAP HIGH!

FUCKING GOOD STORY THOUGH!

BLAIR MAKES £2,000,000 ON HOUSE IN CONNAUGHT SQUARE

Ex Prime Minister, Anthony Blair, has been estimated to have made a paper profit of £2 million quid on his house in Connaught Square.


The ex new Labour FUCK-PIG, re-mortgaged his house in Sedgefield to put the deposit down on the house in London, (Despite the fact he stayed at Downing Street), and claimed his mortgage payments for a second home.

He should be made to pay back any profit to the taxpayer. He has diligently made the pursuit of money his first priority since he left power and he should be judged like any criminal and have his wealth confiscated.

JOGGER MAIMED BY A BIG BUZZARD!

JOGGER MAIMED BY GIANT BUZZARD!

Another jogger was left covered in blood after he was attacked by a swooping buzzard.
Solicitor Stuart Urquhart, 36, is the second person to be attacked by the birds of prey in a week after Paul Powell, 38, suffered a similar fate while half way through a four-mile run in GloucesterRead.

Wouldn't it be great if there is a BUZZARD TRAINER somewhere who is training Birds of Prey to attack joggers, PARTICULARLY FUCKING SOLICITORS!

Mind you it may be because he has brown hair, the bird thought he was a rabbit!

Buy a bicycle helmet and see how fucking stupid you look then!

ADVICE TO JOGGERS:

MAKE SURE YOUR PUBES AREN'T STICKING OUT YOUR SHORTS!

ULRIKA GETS NEW BODY! SHOCK EXCLUSIVE!

FROM THE DAILY MAIL

I've got the body of a 16-year-old! says Ulrika Jonsson... after £11k of surgery
By Simon Cable Last updated at 1:06 AM on 20th July 2009

It cost her a pretty penny and she probably spent a few uncomfortable weeks in bandages.
But you won't hear any complaints from Ulrika Jonsson about her £11,000 cosmetic surgery marathon.
Because, for the first time in decades, she says she is happy in her own skin.


Now I admit I'm getting on a bit, but I'm FUCKING SURE I DON'T REMEMBER A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD WITH A BODY LIKE THAT!

THAT'S LIFE, THE BODY OF A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD AND THE FACE OF A SIXTY YEAR OLD!

JELLYFISH DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING-MY ARSE!

Why is it everything nowadays is blamed on FUCKING GLOBAL WARMING.

Because some large Jellyfish have been found washed up off the Moray Coast, the seas must be getting warmer.

MY FUCKING ARSE!

I spent my childhood summer holidays at a caravan we owned in Maidens near Turnberry, where the Open Golf is presently being played.

When I was 11, (45 years ago), I was stung by a Jellyfish and had to get a pain killing injection. My Brother and me afterwards spent many a happy hour smashing Jellyfish that had been washed up, with stones.

There was hundreds of the Bastards and believe me they were fucking huge.

SPEAKING OF GLOBAL WARMING AND OPEN GOLF, I stay about 25 miles from Turnberry as the seagull flies, adjacent to Troon and I had to put my central heating on for a short spell tonight as it was FUCKING FREEZING!

So no doubt CYCLOPS will think up some new tax based on the "hugeness" of Jellyfish as proof that Global Warming is taking place, when many experts say that it's not the case.

The state of this country currently we will soon have to eat Jellyfish like they do in Japan!

INJURED SERVICEMEN TREATED AS SCROUNGERS

FROM THE DAILY MAIL

Now the BASTARDS are using covert surveillance to spy on our injured SERVICEMEN who have fought and died for THE UNION FLAG.


Well let me tell you one thing, I'M FUCKING SURE IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO AN INDEPENDENT SCOTLAND'S WAR MAIMED!

CHERIE GOT SWINEFLU-I HOPE IT'S SERIOUS

CHERIE'S GOT SWINE FLU!

HOW CAN THEY FUCKING TELL?

I hope she gives it to that BASTARD she's married to!

GARY MCKINNON CARTOON

Sorry to touch on Gary McKinnon again, but this cartoon from the Mail sums it all up. I watched that fucking fat slag, Diane Abbott on TV to night. She was another TURNCOAT, she who is supposed to be so touchy feely.

I have lost any respect I had for the Arsewipe, which wasnae much.

GORDON BROWN SECTIONED!

Thanks to tractor stats for the photo

Reports are reaching us tonight that THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, GORDON BROWN has been dragged out of no 11 Downing Street to the Westminster Physiatric Hospital where he has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act of 1961.

A senior Labour source, Prime Minister Lord Mandelson said tonight, " I would like to pay tribute to Gordon, who although as Chancellor got us into this fucking awful mess, has been becoming increasingly delusional". "Since Tony retired and asked me to take over as PM, Gordon has had the weird idea that he was PM". " He even held a cabinet reshuffle without telling me, the old one-eyed TWAT".

"I knew that it was a bad idea letting him bat for me, so to speak, at PMQs as of course as a Lord, I am not allowed in the Lower Chamber". "It would have been a better idea getting Harriet to do it, but in some ways I felt sorry for him, but Cameron just made a fucking arse of him".

His wife, the LESBIAN GAY RIGHTS CAMPAIGNER said, " I am afraid Gordon has been going round the bend for some time now, I wish I'd never let him join in my LESBIAN SESSIONS WITH CHERIE BLAIR, but sitting in the corner masturbating seemed to give him some release, so to speak". "Of course it made an awful mess of the carpet, unfortunately".

Mr Brown seems to be getting on well with his fellow patients, God, the Pope, Elvis Presley and Alistair Darling.

One hundred and seventy four former members of the Cabinet who have resigned in the last two years are expected to apply for their jobs back.

SCOTTISH LABOUR SLIMEBAG MPS

FROM THE DAILY MAIL

BETRAYED: Spineless Labour MPs who backed Asperger's victim's bid to beat extradition desert him
By James Chapman and Ian DruryLast updated at 12:35 AM on 16th July 2009
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Labour MPs were accused of hypocrisy last night after abandoning Gary McKinnon in his fight against extradition to the U.S.
Dozens had previously given written pledges of their support to the Asperger's Syndrome sufferer.
But only eight stuck to their guns and joined the Tories and Liberal Democrats in voting against the Government.

THE ROLL OF DISHONOUR FOR SCOTS MPS WHO WOULD SEND ONE OF THEIR OWN TO THE U.S.A. FOR A POSSIBLE 60 YEAR PRISION TERM, A BOY WHO IS MENTALLY RETARDED ARE:

RUSSELL BROWN DUMFRIES

MARK LAZAROWICZ EDINBURGH NORTH

JIM McGOVERN DUNDEE WEST

ANNE McGUIRE STIRLING

ANNE MOFFAT EAST LOTHIAN

GAVIN STRANG EDINBURGH EAST

If any of these slimy scumbags are your MP, please go onto the "they work for you" website and send them a letter asking why? Then please write to your local newspaper and tell the rest of your area what they did.

BASTARDS!

NO WONDER I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THOSE MUMBAI BASTARDS

WIRING IN INDIA

FUCK ME! It's no wonder I can't understand what the FUCK THEY ARE TALKING about when I call a PC call centre in MUMBAI!

BERCOW-I TOLD YOU SO!

As exclusively revealed here in June, BERCOW IS AN UNTRUSTWORTH BASTARD!

He has refused to reveal if he has taken the rise in salary, which even SPRINBURN MICK refused to take, although he is suspected of doing so.

SO MUCH FOR MORE TRANSPARENT GOVERNMENT.

THE WEASLEY BASTARD!

IT COSTS MORE TO HOLIDAY IN SCHOOL HOLIDAYS? HARD LUCK!

THE SWIMMING POOL AT MY HOTEL LAST TIME I TOOK HOLIDAY IN SCHOOL HOLIDAYS

Cash-strapped families vow to break term-time holiday ban
By Sean PoulterLast updated at 4:15 PM on 13th July 2009

Parents are threatening to rebel against rules that force them to take holidays outside term-time.
Holiday companies and airlines add hundreds of pounds to their prices from the point schools break up for summer.

WELL FUCKING HARD LUCK. SORRY but people with children get money flung at them left, right and centre.

We take our holidays in term time, (when we can afford them and at a cooler time of year), puposely to avoid your little brats, screaming and diving into the swimming pool. It may be cute to you but to me it's a FUCKING NUISANCE.

So if you can't afford to go in the school holidays then you shouldn't have had the little bastards in the first place!

ONE IN TEN SOLDIERS TO DIE IN AFGHANISTAN

There is growing anger that ONE IN TEN OF OUR SOLDIERS could die in AFGHANISTAN.

Whether or not you agree with the war, they are our soldiers and they in my opinion deserve OUR FULL SUPPORT.

THIS FUCKING GOVERNMENT HOWEVER DOES NOT SEEM TO AGREE!


Depite assurances in 2006 by CYCLOPS that "they could have whatever they needed", his promise has not been fulfilled.

Consider the following;

Our troops have EIGHT TIMES LESS HELICOPTERS THAN THE AMERICANS PRO-RATA

Our "NEW" SNATCH TRUCK COSTS £600,000 EACH AND HAS ALREADY BEEN REJECTED BY THE AMERICANS BECAUSE IT DOES NOT GIVE PROTECTION FROM ROAD SIDE BOMBS.

The truck it is replacing "THE VECTOR" WAS IT'S REPLACEMENT UNTIL IT WAS FOUND TO BE TOTALLY HOPELESS. The first time ever that a vehicle WAS REPLACED BY THE VEHICLE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO REPLACE! AND WE BOUGHT 200 AT £500,000 EACH!

Our troops are having to buy privately, their own equipment like BOOTS.


We have a new Defense Secretary BOB AINSWORTH, WHO IS TOTALLY OUT OF HIS DEPTH!

He is a former COMMUNIST, SHEET METAL WORKER WHO WAS A BULLY BOY AS A WHIP and he has the second largest second home expenses in Westminster.

If you expect our troops to die for you BROWN, EQUIP THEM PROPERLY OR BRING THEM HOME!

CLOSE CALL FOR POLITICIANS

GOD......"MISSED THE BASTARDS".

SARAH BROWN AND LUMLEY IN LESBIAN TRYST

SARAH BROWN AND JOANNA LUMLEY PREPARE TO "TONGUE WRESTLE" BEHIND BROWN'S BACK

Prime Minister's wife Sarah has tonight been talking about her lesbian tendencies.

"It's really been growing over the last few months, what with this fucking so called GLOBAL crisis". Gordon knows it's really his fault with his hopeless handling of the Economy over 10 years and he's been so grumpy". "He was never any good in bed anyway and how we managed to have children is beyond me". "He keeps going on about sinning in the eyes of the Lord when we're shagging and to be honest with you it fucking puts me off".

"Anyway", continued Sarah, "Harriet and Blearsy were round a couple of months ago and the three of us got a bit rat arsed on No 10's claret and we ended up in the Sauna, bollock naked". "Well one thing led to another and before I knew where I was, I was being introduced to Lesbian Power Sex".

"As you know Gordon insisted that I went on the Gay Pride March a couple of weeks ago and I got talking to a couple of nice old girls in denim boiler suits and anyway the upshot is that I think I am going to come out".

"When I met Joanna Lumley, I knew she would be up for a "good old tonsil tonguing" as she had appeared in a couple of porno movies when she was younger, but surprisingly she was not too happy about it".

"I wonder if Cherie Blair will be home this weekend as I hear she's up for it and Gordy would like to watch whilst "CHOKING THE CHICKEN".

THE LUNATICS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM!

JOS PRISION IN NIGERIA

There are 400 Nigerian citizens in British prisons.

Ah, I hear you say why don't we deport the BASTARDS back to NIGERIA. Seemingly we can't do that because NIGERIAN PRISIONS are not up to scratch and it WOULD OFFEND THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS!

FUCKING HARD LUCK!


So the solution from this bunch of WANKERS is to spend £3,000,000 of our money building a NEW PRISION IN JOS, NIGERIA, WHERE THEY CAN BE SENT!


FUCK ME!

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME, DON'T DO THE CRIME!

R.I.P. COMMONSENSE

THE GRAVE OF COMMONSENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. COMMON SENSE.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion

.Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;and criminals received better treatment than their victims.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I'm A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

"SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE" IN TOILET CAUSES CHAOS AT EDINBURGH AIRPORT

Thousands in airport security alert
BRIAN DONNELLY
July 07 2009
THOUSANDS of travellers were evacuated from Scotland's second largest airport yesterday after army bomb disposal experts were called to deal with a suspicious package left in a toilet.
Some families were ordered off their planes and the check-in and security screening processes were halted, forcing people to wait on the approach roads outside the terminals at Edinburgh Airport.
Other travellers were also held up in the arrivals hall during the mass evacuation, which lasted for two-and-half hours.

The "suspicious package" was later found to have been left by BIG TAM SCOBIE, FAE DALKEITH, who last night insisted on having third helpings of the Vindaloo Beef Curry at the "TAJ" INDIAN RESTAURANT IN ROSE STREET, where Sunday Night is "EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN FOR A TENNER".

MR SCOBIE had started the night off with nine pints of heavy, "afore he went ontae the wee voddies".

Mr Singh, the proprietor of the "Taj" Restaurant said, "Yes ideedy, I am remembering BIG TAM, the big man is a regular and by the way we also do a very good "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE", night on a Tuesday" "Last orders 1 A.M.".

Security staff at the airport's first suspected a LETHAL GAS ATTACK. The supervisor on the shift a Mr Charles Farquar told reporters, "aye, the smell was fucking bowfin like, eh". "We called in the Bomb Squad right away and aefter their controlled explosion, there was fucking shite a'ways, eh", "it'll take a month tae get the shite oot the cracks, eh".

A spokesman for BAA said that flights will be in the meantime be diverted to Glasgow, a real airport, where, terrorists can expect a good doing from baggage handlers.

***STOP PRESS-LONDON WASHED AWAY***

THAMES BARRIER UNABLE TO COPE WITH SUDDEN DOWNPOUR!

REUTERS- A torrential downpour has washed away many parts of CENTRAL LONDON with the HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT and 10 DOWNING STREET almost wiped off the map!

Damage is said to run into £BILLIONS and although casualties have been fairly high, London was fortunate that it was a Sunday night and pedestrian and vehicular traffic was light.


ATTRACTIONS like the LONDON EYE are just a mangled pile of metal as water reckoned to have a force of three million gallons per minute cascaded down the Thames


However it's not all been bad news as a FULL MEETING OF THE CABINET was taking place in Downing Street and they have all been swept away, feared drowned. Should by any chance you should find one of the USELESS BASTARDS, STILL BREATHING, please hit them on the head with a sharp object as quickly as possible before checking for lack of pulse and phoning the POLICE.


Unfortunately some other LYING, CONNIVING BASTARDS WILL BE TAKING THEIR PLACE SHORTLY!

MY "LEARN TO BE A PARACHUTIST" WEEKEND WAS A DISASTER!

ANYBODY WANT TO BUY A PAIR OF GENUINE ALLIGATOR SHOES?...........

MURDOCH EMPIRE OUT TO GET US!

Robert Murdoch and his CEO John Hartigan

A stinging attack by John Hartigan, the CEO of Rupert Murdoch’s News Limited, labels bloggers and alternative media outlets as “political extremists”. Hartigan implies that bloggers should be jailed as they are in oppressive police states like China and Burma.

I have no doubt that is what he and his AUSSIE BOSS would want. After all we can't have us BLOGGERS writing better copy than the SHITE that we get in his papers like THE SUN.

Not for us the serious news story of Amy Knockerfest from Birmingham and her 36DD boobs.

Nor for the anti-SNP bile that we read in the Pro-Unionist press that we Bloggers have to rail against day after day.

Maybe you see your media empire going the same way as many newspapers in America and in this country, i.e. losing money hand over fist and you feel you have to bring out your "attack dog" C.E.O.

WELL, GET USED TO IT MATE, because your Empire is going down the Swanee faster than a barrel going over NIAGRA FALLS.

I'D BE TEMPTED TO TELL YOU TO STICK YOU SUN UP YOUR ERSE, but I wouldn't want the ink staining your BIG, PINK, FLABBY, AUSSIE ARSEHOLE and anyway there's probably one or two other things stuck up there already!

BROWN TO FULFILL JACKSON O2 CONCERTS

(Thanks to TRACTOR STATS for the photo) PRIME MINISTER, Gordon Brown or "COOL" JACKSON BROWN", as he now wants to be known is working hard rehearsing to fulfill the 02 concerts of the late MICHAEL JACKSON.

"I DON'T WANT THE KIDS LET DOWN, MAN" enthused a pent up PM. "I believe it is the purpose of Government to keep the people happy".

He is seen above rehearsing his current hit song, sang to the tune of "Billy Jean" entitled MANDY DEAR IS NOT A QUEER....
HE'S JUST THE MAN WHO'S UP MY BUM!

There are reports that Cool Jackson is trying to get the original members of his quintet together for one last concert run. The members of the COOL JACKSON FIVE include JOHN PRESCOTT, JACK STRAW, MARGARET BECKETT and HAZEL "THE YAPPY BASTARD" BLEARS.

Support acts including topnotchers like SUSAN BOYLE and ED "KARIOKE" BALLS may also be appearing.

MAN GIVES HIMSELF DIY CIRCUMCISION

A Stevenage man had to be rushed to Hospital after circumcising himself WITH A PAIR OF NAIL CLIPPERS!

FUCK ME, it doesn't bear thinking about!

BROON WIRED TO THE MOON

"Biggest pair of knockers I've ever felt"!

IS BROWN FINALLY GOING OFF HIS ROCKER?

This is a man who spent 10 years as Chancellor of the Exchequer, in which time he must have had hundreds of briefings about the economy and yet he stands up PMQs and says------

"THERE WILL BE A ZERO PERCENT INCREASE IN PUBLIC SPENDING IN 2013/2014!"


So the next time you get a 0% increase in wages, don't worry it's really a rise!

OTHER BROWN PREDICTIONS ARE:

There will be a 0% increase in unemployment this year.

There will be a 0% increase in National Debt this year.

There will be a 0% increase in businesses going belly up.

There will be a 0% increase in Whisky Jobs in Kilmarnock.

There will be a 0% increase in people seeing Michael Jackson alive, ( in a chip shop).

There will be a 0% increase in suicides due to the recession caused by Labour.

There will be a 0% increase in the Scottish budget this year to fight the recession, (true!)

There will be a 0% increase in Aircraft Carriers built on the Clyde.

GET OUTA TOWN NOW BONKERS BROWN, THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE GETTING INTO THE VAN!

WHERE'S YOUR UNION DIVIDEND NOW-MURPHY?

So, the two aircraft orders that are supposed to be started next week on the Clyde are to BE CANCELLED.

These orders were much trumpeted by the UNIONIST PARTIES AND THE "SKULL" MURPHY IN PARTICULAR.

There is going to be a minimum of 4,000 job losses. These are skilled jobs we will need in our economy WHEN SCOTLAND IS INDEPENDENT.

So I ask you MURPHY, where's yir unionist dividend now?