SO WHEN JACQUI SMITH SAYS SHE HAS THE PAINTERS IN, WE KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS NOW!

 

"An inquiry has been launched after it was revealed that former home secretary Jacqui Smith used prisoners on day release to paint her home. The convicts who carried out the DIY were supposed to be doing community service of benefit to the wider public"

Isn't it typical of this fucking Labour Trougher that she would have two criminals doing a cheap paint job on her £450,000 mansion.  The same one that she has flipped several times, thereby making thousands out of her expenses and also the same one she said she was staying in to claim expenses, while staying at her sister's.

This would also be house that her man was wanking in, at the porn films he hired  on her expenses.  Well, I suppose at least it was cheaper than hiring a whore and putting her on our payroll.

I wonder if the painting criminals did a nice hand-job?

 

LABOUR MEN VOTE JACQUI SMITH, MOST MARRIABLE AND MARGARET BECKET, MOST SHAGABLE!

In a surprise vote for 'THE LABOUR MONTHLY', labour supporters have voted former Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO MARRY' and Margaret Beckett, 'former Grand Dame' of the party as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO SHAG'.

Jacqui was typically coy when told about the poll saying, "I think men appreciate the freedom that I give to my husband to buy porno tapes and choke his chicken as he wants.  After 20 years of marriage he doesn't want just little old me as his only sexual attraction but wants to look at young girls in school uniforms and couples dressed in rubber squirting bodily fluids over one another".

Margaret Beckett was unsurprisingly shocked at the poll finding's and told the magazine, "there must be some mistake!  I've never thought of myself in that way, but I suppose when the light's in the right direction and I'm wearing my little red suit, then I can be kind of sexy looking.  At least Tony thought so.  I guess men just want to get me in my little caravan and give me one on the camp bed and then help me to make a nice cup of tea on the Primus Stove.  And here's me nearly old enough to be a Granny too!"

Next month's article will be entitled, 'SHAGABLE MALE MPs IN THE LABOUR PARTY' by Pete Mandelson. 

Budget Jitters and sex in Penrith

JACQUI SMITH'S HUSBAND MISSING FOR 48 HOURS

The London Evening No-Standards has reported a Metropolitan Police source stating that HOME SECRETARY JACQUI SMITH'S HUSBAND has been missing from their Palatial London Home for the last 48 hours.

Mr Smith was last seen at Kings Cross Station boarding a train for Scotland for a 24 hour dirty video Seminar. He was due to change trains in Penrith and this is the last time he was seen, walking down the edge of the platform.

He is not thought to be dangerous, but if spotted by a member of the public, do not approach without a box of tissues.

THE BUDGET TOMORROW must be a REGGIE BLINKER, (scotch rhyming slang me old cocker), going by the shite coming out of no 10.

First BLEARS does a "quickie" coming out of the door and then MugaBroon gives us some load of fucking shite about MPs' expenses on the DOWNING STREET WEBSITE.

Does nothing get trailed in Parliament first, nowadays?

What a WANKER and the embarrassing thing is, he's Scottish. But then, in a little known fact to our English cousins, was BLIAR.

AND WHAT A PRICK HE WAS. HE'S NOW TRYING TO TELL THE POPE HOW TO RUN A TWO THOUSAND YEAR OLD CHURCH!

11 out of 12 alleged TERRORISTS are Pakistani students

HOME SECRETARY JACQUI SMITH GOES FOR A FISH SUPPER NEAR HER LONDON HOME

11 out of the 12 alleged TERRORISTS arrested in dawn raids to day were PAKISTANI students on a student visa. What is this Government and MI5 doing letting every Tom, Dick and Rashid into this country? Are there no checks being done before they are let in?

This is not a PAKISTANI issue, as far as I am concerned. If they were Australians, I would feel the same way.

There is however a problem with radical Muslims and whilst there are thousands of Muslims who are happy to live in Scotland and be part of Scottish Society and they are very welcome, we must do something about the Radicals.

Is our Home Secretary Jacqui Smith more interested in fiddling her expenses rather than doing her job? The problem is that there is too much POLITICAL INTERFERENCE with the Security Services to allow them to do their job properly.

SORT IT OUT SMITH/BROON OR GTF!

AND TONIGHT'S MOAN IS----------

Tonight's moan is these Pricks who insist on using the Gaelic language on Newspaper Chat Rooms, as if the ability to speak Gaelic somehow makes you more SCOTTISH.

I speak Spanish and smatterings of other European Languages. Although not as romantic as Gaelic, probably a lot more use in modern living.

I wish that I was able to speak some Gaelic, but I suppose I will just have to pride myself in my Ancestors in Clan Chattan leading the Highlanders' charge at Culloden in 1746.