Thursday, 7 January 2010

LABOUR MEN VOTE JACQUI SMITH, MOST MARRIABLE AND MARGARET BECKET, MOST SHAGABLE!





In a surprise vote for 'THE LABOUR MONTHLY', labour supporters have voted former Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO MARRY' and Margaret Beckett, 'former Grand Dame' of the party as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO SHAG'.

Jacqui was typically coy when told about the poll saying, "I think men appreciate the freedom that I give to my husband to buy porno tapes and choke his chicken as he wants.  After 20 years of marriage he doesn't want just little old me as his only sexual attraction but wants to look at young girls in school uniforms and couples dressed in rubber squirting bodily fluids over one another".

Margaret Beckett was unsurprisingly shocked at the poll finding's and told the magazine, "there must be some mistake!  I've never thought of myself in that way, but I suppose when the light's in the right direction and I'm wearing my little red suit, then I can be kind of sexy looking.  At least Tony thought so.  I guess men just want to get me in my little caravan and give me one on the camp bed and then help me to make a nice cup of tea on the Primus Stove.  And here's me nearly old enough to be a Granny too!"

Next month's article will be entitled, 'SHAGABLE MALE MPs IN THE LABOUR PARTY' by Pete Mandelson. 

15 comments:

Don't Call Me Dave said...

That Caroline Flint...I could lend her one!

Tiger said...

I've pumped them both but wouldn't marry either of them

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

DL not even if they promised to be frosted featured bukkake queens!!!

The Young Oligarch said...

Not even with yours , DL !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Fred, would you want to marry her though. That is the question.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tiger, you're a dirty bastard. You stick to your Rachael Weiss or whatever her name is and your other 10 floozies. You leave our English roses alone!

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!!! You mean you couldn't fance Mags as a Bukkake Queen. Even if she put her specs on?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Oli, you haven't seen the state of mine to be able to form that opinion!

Barking Spider said...

Not even with a bottle of vodka down me and the lights out, DL, I would give Caroline Flint one up the arse, though - once!

banned said...

Would do both of them in a violent sex romp but leave before the sex part.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Spidey, the last time I talked to her she told me, "Barking Spider, I'd let him give me one up the arse but just the once"! What a fucking coincendence.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I would maybe take a sexual pish on them if they were having lesbian sex.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tiger, Just been looking at your comment and I know now you're not the real Tiger. You didn't use the double negative in that quaint African American way you boys done.

HeadsonPoles said...

Only one person voted and he closed his good eye.
Caroline Flint though .....

Dark Lochnagar said...

Headson, you wouldn't close your eyes if you were shagging Beckett in case she tried to kiss you with those teeth and stapled your lips together!