LABOUR MEN VOTE JACQUI SMITH, MOST MARRIABLE AND MARGARET BECKET, MOST SHAGABLE!

In a surprise vote for 'THE LABOUR MONTHLY', labour supporters have voted former Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO MARRY' and Margaret Beckett, 'former Grand Dame' of the party as the 'WOMAN THEY'D MOST LIKE TO SHAG'.

Jacqui was typically coy when told about the poll saying, "I think men appreciate the freedom that I give to my husband to buy porno tapes and choke his chicken as he wants.  After 20 years of marriage he doesn't want just little old me as his only sexual attraction but wants to look at young girls in school uniforms and couples dressed in rubber squirting bodily fluids over one another".

Margaret Beckett was unsurprisingly shocked at the poll finding's and told the magazine, "there must be some mistake!  I've never thought of myself in that way, but I suppose when the light's in the right direction and I'm wearing my little red suit, then I can be kind of sexy looking.  At least Tony thought so.  I guess men just want to get me in my little caravan and give me one on the camp bed and then help me to make a nice cup of tea on the Primus Stove.  And here's me nearly old enough to be a Granny too!"

Next month's article will be entitled, 'SHAGABLE MALE MPs IN THE LABOUR PARTY' by Pete Mandelson. 

BROWN WANTS BECKETT FOR SPEAKER

It is widely reported from WESTMINSTER that the Labour Whips are whipping the Labour Hordes, (that's hordes not whores), to vote for Margaret Beckett as the new Speaker, because she is the least likely to change the way MPs go about their duties.

The OLD ONE EYED LIAR IS BEHIND THIS PLAN OF COURSE. So much for MORE TRANSPARANCY, THE LYING BASTARD.


If they do vote for the TOOTHY, OLD, STUCK-UP FUCKER, then we will know that it has been nothing but a bigger pack of lies we have been asked to swallow since the EXPENSES SCANDAL BROKE 4 WEEKS AGO.

CALL AN ELECTION NOW, BROWN!