Showing posts with label BLOWJOBS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BLOWJOBS. Show all posts

Thursday, 5 April 2012

MALES TO GIVE SPERM WHEN THEY GIVE BLOOD!

Sperm and egg donation 'should be like giving blood'

Donating eggs and sperm should become as common as giving blood, the fertility watchdog claimed as it proposed new "centres of excellence" where donors will be made to feel more welcome.

Sperm and egg donors should write 'pen portraits'

At last dear reader, I am up to speed on this sperm donor carry on.

It just happens in these difficult financial times a and due to the  facts that my sperm is of such high quality, (as it doesn't escape very often) and my health, looks and physique being so good that I am in great demand at these centres, where one can also make a few bob.
As usual this morning, I was given a plastic beaker and a copy of 'Hustler' magazine from the 1980s and sent to my usual cubicle to do the business, so to speak.  Now as you also get paid an hourly rate I was still in there about an hour later reading the readers letters to the editor when I heard someone going into the cubicle next to me, the first time this had happened.  "Fuck me", I thought, "I don't fancy choking the chicken with some bastard listening to me", when it became apparent that he wasn't in there alone,  as I could hear a female moaning.

I crept up on a chair and looked over and here was some arsehole getting a blow job from the nurse.  Well, I pulled the strides up and marched out, straight up to the front desk and shouted at the receptionist, "how come I get a plastic beaker and a copy of a wank mag and that bastard next door is getting a blow job from the nurse"?  

Smiling sweetly, she said, "sorry Mr Lochnagar, I didn't realise you had private health insurance.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

WINDFARMS TO BLAME FOR BAD WEATHER-OFFICIAL!


I have long held the theory that FUCKING WINDFARMS are to blame for all the shite weather we get in Ayrshire, as the turbines "SOOK" IN the weather depressions causing constant rain.
A windfarm at GALSTON was opened in June by his MAJESTY, ALEX SALMOND, and since then apart from a few days it has pished of rain.
I managed today to contact BBC WEATHER GURU, HEATHER (the weather) REID.
She told me, "DL you are right, this is a little known fact in the meteorological circle. Windfarms do indeed "SOOK" in bad weather, which is a bit of a FUCKER as I had booked two weeks in MILLPORT in July and it fucking pished, mind you it was better than last year when I went to Portobello Beach and I couldn't get the grains of sand out my fanny for weeks. I suppose it was my fault for shagging one of the DONKEYS!"
As I seemed to be striking up a bit of a conversation, I continued "Heather tell me, is it true you give the best BLOW-JOB in BBC SCOTLAND?" "Naw, not me, she answered in a cheery kind of homespun way, that'll be Jackie Bird you're talking about." "Thank fuck, I said, I thought you were going to say that useless FUCK-WIT who used to be in a pop group and does the fitba now".
Anyway the upshot of this tale is, ALEX WE WANT NUCLEAR POWER, STICK YOUR TURBINES RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE and if your looking for a good blowjob around PACIFIC QUAY you know where to go. (Tropical Palms Sauna, Bath Street. Special day-rates and cheapies for men over 50)