I have long held the theory that FUCKING WINDFARMS are to blame for all the shite weather we get in Ayrshire, as the turbines "SOOK" IN the weather depressions causing constant rain.
A windfarm at GALSTON was opened in June by his MAJESTY, ALEX SALMOND, and since then apart from a few days it has pished of rain.
I managed today to contact BBC WEATHER GURU, HEATHER (the weather) REID.
She told me, "DL you are right, this is a little known fact in the meteorological circle. Windfarms do indeed "SOOK" in bad weather, which is a bit of a FUCKER as I had booked two weeks in MILLPORT in July and it fucking pished, mind you it was better than last year when I went to Portobello Beach and I couldn't get the grains of sand out my fanny for weeks. I suppose it was my fault for shagging one of the DONKEYS!"
As I seemed to be striking up a bit of a conversation, I continued "Heather tell me, is it true you give the best BLOW-JOB in BBC SCOTLAND?" "Naw, not me, she answered in a cheery kind of homespun way, that'll be Jackie Bird you're talking about." "Thank fuck, I said, I thought you were going to say that useless FUCK-WIT who used to be in a pop group and does the fitba now".
Anyway the upshot of this tale is, ALEX WE WANT NUCLEAR POWER, STICK YOUR TURBINES RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE and if your looking for a good blowjob around PACIFIC QUAY you know where to go. (Tropical Palms Sauna, Bath Street. Special day-rates and cheapies for men over 50)