Tuesday, 14 September 2010


POPE Benedict XVI has promised his UK tour will feature the live on-stage incineration of those who consort with demons. 
It's all about bums on priests.Sales for the cleric's spoken word stadium dates had been hovering slightly below the level of Jedward's recent tour, prompting the last-minute addition of medieval-style burnings.  A spokesman for the Catholic Church said: "We wanted to update the show with some spectacular Vegas-style pyrotechnics yet remain faithful to the cultural heritage of Catholicism.
We decided therefore that the burning of some witches would go down a treat with an audience looking to embrace the Pontiff's love for the first time.  We are therefore looking for oldish women in Glasgow, for the Holy C's visit, that might be wizened, with a warty face and own a black cat.  If they happen to be Glasgow Rangers supporters, that would be a bonus".
The Holy Pontiff  will also perform an exorcism, live on stage, with a 'Big Brother' contestant and in a bid to reach a new audience, there will be live Lesbian acts and various homosexual men will perform acts of random buggery.
The evening in Glasgow will end with Carol singing.  Amongst the songs the choir and audience will be performing are, 'The Fields of Athenry', 'There's not a Team Like the Glasgow Celtic' and 'You can shove the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland, up your proddy arse'.

Inspired by 'The Daily Mash'


Anonymous said...

You are some seriously fucking half wit, who clearly has no sensibility about the make up of the nation that you proclaim to love so much. As s so called Scot you should be aware of our shameful secterian divide and yet your blog panders to these low life. Do us all a favour and take a gun to your head and blow your fucking brains out. Oh, slight problem, you have no fucking brains. I sincerely hope that you are steralised so that you have no progeny to follow you, you dumb cunt.

Billy said...

Dear! Dear! Anonymous - How could this blog be pandering to the sectarian low-life when they would not know how to switch on a computer.

You have just got to have a laugh at them just like DL has done here because they are basically just thick.

What do you call an Old Firm fan with one brain cell - A miracle.

Mind you the same joke can be used for Labour voter (same difference in most cases).

banned said...

Kill two birds with one stone, "burn the paedo priests" sorted.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, you don't do sectarian irony very well, do you. I live in the West of Scotland and I see on a daily basis these pricks that claim to love the same imaginary friend who sits up there in the Sky with all their relatives waiting for them to die. Except that, they each do it differently and most of them think that the other lot are wrong, so they won't be up there, but down there with the DEVIL, who is waterski-ing, in shite which they have up to their mouths.

And what is the way to bring this out and lessen the sectarian divide? Why, humour! I am afraid that you, my friend are the dumb cunt, if you can't see that.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Billy. It's actually a shame. Half of these anonymous cunts shouldn't be let out on their own. But, I suppose that 'care in the community' under this SNP Government, has helped them adjust mentlly. Nice that.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I would go along with that. What about killing four birds with one stone, so to speak and burning a few politicians and bankers!

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Steralised? Is that having a clean weegie glare at you?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, yes will the Chief Rabbi, please reveal yourself!