Tuesday, 13 October 2009

SCIENTISTS-"STOP GLOBAL WARMING-KILL COWS AND SHEEP"

A "JOEY" about to be slaughtered yesterday



Scientists have today come up with a novel way to end GLOBAL WARMING at a stroke. Kill all COWS and SHEEP on the planet and eat KANGAROOS and CHICKENS instead.


That way METHANE GAS LEVELS would fall drastically as Kangaroos and chickens practically DON'T FART.



HIGH FIBRE DIETS much loved in the nineties and the DRINKING OF GUINNESS would also be banned as this significantly raises METHANE PRODUCTION AMONGST HUMANS. Oh and BAKED BEANS as well.

15 comments:

Don't Call Me Dave said...

Perhaps cows can be reared indoors with an extraction system to collect the gas and burn it for fuel?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Dave, your talents are wasted leading the Tories. Move up to Scotland, join the SNP and you could become Scottish Climate Change Tsar. You'll make more money, not that you need it anyway, and you'll go down in history instead of being a footnote on the back of an election phamflet.

Toronto Elli said...

Guinness??? NOoooooo. No way, it is pretty much the best beer in the world and you would ban it? I'd rather give up cows and sheep for that...haha. Anyways, check out my tips on how to stay cool and keep your home cool. Maybe you'll find it useful. Maybe cooling the earth with one huge AC unit is the way to go here..haha.

Take care, Elli

scunnert said...

Save ea tree - kill a beaver.
Save a horse - kill a cowboy.

Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian and notorious for his flatulence.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Elli, I live in Scotland. Keeping cool is not a prtoblem for us. In fact the only difference between summer and winter is 5 degrees and it rains more in summer.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert, you are not paying attention to your uncle DL. Being a vegetarian is high fibre therefore lots of methane gas. In Hitler's case though I bet he just did it to annoy his Generals! Der poopenfuerer.

Gigits said...

What about Whales? They produce 2000 litres of methane with every chuff (and the resultant surface bubbles have been known to capsize boats).

Puts Greenpeace in a bit of a quandary that one, doesn't it.

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

Phekk me Gigits I wouldn't want to be drawing long on a full strength when one of them buggers blasted off under my keel.

Why don't we just chop up odour eaters in the cattle fodder? We make them eat all sort of other shit.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Gigits/Incoming... This is dreadful news. We should really be killing Wales. I never liked the fuckers anyway, wee black bastards coming up here every two years for the Rugby with their fucking leeks and choirs. Tom Jones, he's one of them, stupid old twat, but then again so are Church and Mrs Douglas and they're a bit of all right. If you could just stick Douglas's head on top of Church's body, you would have my perfect woman, particularly if she didn't shave her oxters, but that's a wee foible of mine. So it's only the male Wales we want to kill, they'll be the ones who fart anyway.

banned said...

Save the planet, kill yourselves.
Maybey Jim Jones was onto a winner back in 1978

Mass suicide 900 dead

Dark Lochnagar said...

Was that Tom's father or his son?

Shades Of Ansel said...

The Great Global Warming SCAM just got a whole lot darker.I wonder when WE'll be shot for shitting?Microchips can be fitted just about anywhere nowadays...and you having the chip 5 minutes after being born,won't know a fucking thing.

Gigits said...

This blog has become the most irreverant place on earth.

Love it!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ansel. In all seriousness I do believe that the ruling elite in the world, ie the bankers are working towards having everyone chipped. It won't happen in my lifetime and the DL line stops with me so really I don't give a fuck.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Gigits, I believe it's our duty as Bloggers to ridicule all these wankers we see round about us and I won't stop until they stop my pills.....