They have survived for more than a century as one of our most familiar sights: the traditional British postman trundling up the lane on his sturdy bicycle.
But now pedal-powered deliveries are falling victim to the 21st century's most fearsome foe... health and safety. The Royal Mail's chief executive Adam Crozier is phasing out the company's 24,000 English-made bicycles and replacing them with vans because of the 'safety risk'.
FUCK ME!
For an alternative view on the BUDGET we go over to DARREN MURPHY, (pictured centre)
"Whit do I think of the Budgie? Ha, Ha, Budgie! Get it? That's cracking that! My maw was saying that the CIDER going up 6p a two litre bottle. That's shite that, BTW. Ah'll maybe have to start charging mair fur ma wraps of Skunk. Either that or there'll need to be less stuff in a wrap and ma punters will no be happy aboot that! That bastard dissnae understand the economic consequences of putting the bevvy up. Then he's telling us that we've got to go on a course for six months. He can shove that up his Tory arsehole. Am no working for peanuts! Neither are my mates. When are we going to get the time tae drink and dae drugs an' that? My mate's Da, says he'll no be able to run his motor when the petrol goes up, so he'll no be able to deliver curries for the Pakis and that. This lots no fur the working man. When I get the vote I'm going to text in my vote for that Labour lot, cause they Tories have done nothing for me or my mates. Whit's that you say? It's Labour that's been in! Your joking me?"
The Scottish Women's sea swimming season started today in North Berwick, with the women of the douce Scottish town taking the first dip of the year, so far.
Their President, BIG JEAN, commented, "Aye, weel. It was a bit too warm for us this year. It was only minus five outside but the water was at a tepid plus two. Some of us had to break the ice which is unusual for sea water in these latitudes". "Some of the girls cheated by having a 'PISHY', which gave them wee hot patches to swim in. If we find who it was, they'll be thrown out of the club for CHEATING. It was probably those two big soft JESSIES from LONDON. They're no used to the delights of the mediterranean like conditions we get in the FIRTH of FORTH. Last year two of the lassies had to fight a POLAR BEAR. But after we barbequed it, we found the meat was a bit stringy and tasteless, not nearly as delicious as the PENGUINS we'd pot-roasted the year before.
