JACQUI SMITH-HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN!

 

 Standing outside a porn shop in Soho, former Home Secretary, JACQUI SMITH, is seen waiting for her pimp who is lining up her next customer.  Wearing a tatty old raincoat, she is just a shadow of the fine woman that took all the men on, with such gusto.  Ever since that day that her husband was seen with the wank videos which had appeared on Smith's Westminster expenses, her carer has spiralled downwards.

Her fanny muscles are strained to the limit, the scratch marks on her once proud, erect breasts illustrate the deprivation to which she has sunk.  Friends say she now seems distant and the injection marks on her arms show that she has resorted to injecting heroin, a habit she got into when she and Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, would have sex parties and she was forced to make lesbian love to Brown's wife, Sarah.

Smith though, is not a cheap whore like many in her profession.  She is known professionally as 'Whippy Wendy' and her speciality is making men squirm before her 'cat o' nine tails' which she has taken over the rumps of some of the most powerful men in the country.  Some of her customers include Nick Clegg, Peter Mandelsen and the Leader of Scottish Region of the Labour party, @Elmer GrayFudd, the new Twitter star.

Her husband, the man who caused her downfall, as currently working as a rent boy in the employ of 'two Jags' Prescott, the former deputy Prime Minister and now Lord Prescott, 'the vermin with the ermine' as he dubbed his noble Lords before taking ennoblement.  The Media though that he nickname, 'two Jags' was made after his habit of having two Jaguar cars when it was actually named after his drug habit, which had become uncontrollable during the last few months of the Labour Government.

(Extracts taken from Ms Smith's new Biography, 'My Man's a Whoremaster-My Years in New Labour, available at all branches of Bargain Books, priced at £1.25)

MAY 5th? OK, BUT LET'S EXTEND THE REFERENDUM!

DICK GREGG the leader of the LIBTHINGIES and a leading member of the Coalition Government, wants to hold his referendum on May 5, which is the same day as the Scottish Holyrood Election.

Labour and the SNP have united in opposition to the date in case it detracts from the Scottish Election.  But I say however, BRING IT ON!  If we're going to have a referendum let's extend it to have a vote on the CALMAN recommendations, CALMAN PLUS giving fiscal responsibility to Holyrood and while we're at it let's have a vote on FULL SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE.  Four questions to answer.  Surely 60 years of Labour haven't made us that FUCKING STUPID that we can't vote on a few questions while we vote for the SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT!

ANYBODY STUDY BODY LANGUAGE?

Tell me this, those of you who like me study BODY LANGUAGE.  Looking at the above photo, what do you think the chances of CLEGG AND BROWN forming a coalition are?

I would say, NONE AND FUCK ALL!

CLEGG CATCHES PEANUTS ON NEW PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST!

SENIOR LABOUR POLITICIANS STICK UP FOR CLEGG IN ATTEMPT TO STAY IN POWER!

Senior Labour politicians have sought to defend Nick Clegg amid increasing signs that the party has accepted it can stay in office only with the support of the Liberal Democrats. 
In an unprecedented show of support for a rival leader, Lord Mandelson, the Business Secretary, and David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, attempted to shield Mr Clegg from the increased scrutiny which has followed his sudden popularity.
Although Labour are trailing in third place in most opinion polls, the way the parties’ votes are distributed means that a strong showing for the Liberal Democrats could allow SHITEBAG Brown to stay in No 10.

If you are thinking about voting Lib Dem, can I urge you not to.  In Scotland we had a coalition between LABOUR and the LIBDEMS in the Scottish Parliament and the Lib Dems were squashed by Labour and given a few paltry posts in Government.  The same thing will happen in WESTMINSTER.

If you're in SCOTLAND please vote SNP to keep Labour out and in ENGLAND please vote for the TORIES or UKIP where they strong, (Bercow's seat!).  DON'T LET FUCKING LABOUR BACK IN BY THE BACK DOOR! 

LIBDEM LEADER IN ASTONISHING NAZI SLUR ON BRITAIN

Nick Clegg has claimed that the British people have ‘a more insidious cross to bear’ than Germany over the Second World War.

In an astonishing attack on our national pride, the Liberal Democrat leader said we suffered from ‘delusions of grandeur’ and a ‘misplaced sense of superiority’ over having defeated the horrors of Nazism.

Well Mr Clegg, I'm old enough to have had a father who fought bravely against the NAZI HORDES and saw many men die in battle beside him.  The Battlefields of the World are littered with brave men who fought and died against your GERMAN FRIENDS and believe me when I tell you that all over Britain tonight, people are seeing the LIBDEMS in a different light, as the APPEASERS OF TYRRANY.  You Sir, are nothing but a POPINJAY!
 The HUN may come again, but know one thing, when Dark Lochnagar is dragged before the FIRING SQUAD, at least I'll know I died a SCOTTISH PATRIOT and not a STINKING LIBDEM! 

LABOUR CANDIDATE IN MORAY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SACKED

STUART MacLENNAN, the LABOUR candidate, in MORAY has been sacked by that ARSEHOLE JIM MURPHY for amongst other things calling OAPs, 'COFFIN DODGERS'.
In a series of posts scattered with four-letter words, he attacked the Commons Speaker John Bercow ("tit"), David Cameron ("twat"), Nick Clegg ("a bastard") and the Labour backbencher Diane Abbot ("a fucking idiot").

Well, WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO ARGUE WITH THAT?  The words that Stuart used are the language of the young.  TWITTER is full of similar comments.  LABOUR should have the courage of their convictions.  The whole thing is a load OF PISH!  Just wait till I get onto TWITTER.  I'LL SORT THE BASTARDS OUT!

NICK CLEGG-"I WANT TO BE PRIME MINISTER"

This man, who I believe is called Nick Clogg and is the LEADER of the Liberal Socialist Democrat Thingies, or whatever they now call themselves, has been heard stating at a half empty party conference hall that he wants to be PRIME MINISTER!


WELL NOCK I WANT TO WIN £25 MILLION ON THE LOTTERY AND THERE IS AS MUCH CHANCE OF ME DOING THAT AS YOU BECOMING PRIME MINISTER.

(That's none and fuck all, BTW)