Tuesday, 19 April 2011

SMOKING TO BE BANNED WITHIN 100YDS OF ROADS AFTER M1 FIRE!

A single cigarette tossed from an open car window may have started the inferno that shut the M1, causing travel mayhem and costing the economy millions.

Much of the motorway was still closed yesterday as the Highways Agency came under renewed attack for not repairing the damage more quickly.  The full six lanes will not reopen before the end of next week, meaning thousands of families will face
Easter travel chaos.
Click to enlarge

The Government has been forced to bring in EMERGENCY LEGISLATION, banning smoking anywhere within 100 Yards of a road.  This along with new EU legislation banning smoking in cars where there are non-smoking passengers, has fueled the purchase of 4X4s, which are able to drive up the sides of high mountains in Scotland and Wales, above the tree line, where the owners are able to smoke with impunity.  It is thought that the Scottish and Welsh Parliaments will be bringing in legislation taxing 'ALTITUDE SMOKING', as soon as they reconvene after the Election.
Scottish Labour Leader @ElmerGrayFudd told D.L., "we see this as one of the planks of our election.  People have been saying that I am as thick as that plank, but that's all a matter of opinion and not unsurprisingly, I don't agree.  But, then I couldn't possibly comment"!

9 comments:

Elmer Gray Fudd said...

I enjoy sucking on a fag when I am out hill walking.
I certainly wouldn't do it near a main road so this new ban won't affect me.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Elmer, But is there a chance of you setting the shrubbery on fire. You must be above the tree line for the safety of yourself and anyone else who may be climbing said mountain!

SHINAR'S BASKET CASE said...

Such an obvious fake.

The real Daily Fail article would read "thousands of HARDWORKING families will face Easter travel chaos."

Anonymous said...

Total and utter shite. Absolute tosh. A single cigarette started the fire? BOLLOX!
Problem - reaction - solution

Problem - how do we totally remove smoking from society?

Reaction - start a fire on a motorway deliberately and blame it on a smoker.

Solution - smoking banned in yet more public areas.

And people believe the shite they read in the newspaper? You know DL, I'm turning into a misanthropist as I grow older, purely for the fact that people are happily building the chains and prisons their future generations will wear and live in. It's like someone continually stating to you "the fire keeps burning my hand" and you reply "well stop putting it in the bloody fire then you fucking moron!"

People deserve all they get quite frankly. They're fucking idiots.

Harbinger

Dark Lochnagar said...

DAFT BASKET, welcome to the blog. Yes, obviously the Journo who wrote that bit must have just come back from the pub and it was all he could muster after 8 pints.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Harbingers, I wouldn't argue with that. It's the way that they meekly accept it, that really annoys me. They stand back and believe all the shite they are fed. Take this Royal wedding. I have a theory that they've been told to have it, 6 days before the Scottish Election to damage the SNP and boost the pro-Unionist parties. "Oh they wouldn't do that", I told. Not fucking much they wouldn't, if it meant Scotland becoming independent and controlling the oil!

banned said...

You might think that this is a joke but they blamed the Kings Cross underground fire (1987) on smokers and thus began the smoking ban, starting with public transport.

The real cause of that disaster is that London Underground had failed to remove years of collected detritus (including, to be fair, fag ends) from within the workings of the escalators.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I think you may be right there. I remember a load of shite on the escalators the last time I was in London, but that was after they banned smoking.

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