Wednesday, 27 October 2010


Smoking lobby speaks out against swimming pool pissing ban

not many pleasures left in lifeStill smarting from the ban on smoking in public places, the tobacco industry today turned its attention to another unjustified infringement of civil liberties that it says has clear parallels to the smoking ban – the requirement that all urinators leave swimming pools if they want to enjoy a piss.
‘Let’s be clear,’ said a spokesman for British American Tobacco, ‘damage to the cigarette business was never our primary concern about the smoking ban. What keeps us awake at night is the nanny state’s gradual erosion of the rights of the individual. It’s cigarettes in pubs one day, pissing in pools the next. There is a clear trend towards the banning of all sociable pastimes, and we cannot stand idly by and watch.’
‘The medical evidence put forward to support this outrageous ban is partial and contradictory,’ insisted a spokesman for grass-roots organisation FORESP, Freedom Of Right to Enjoy Swimming-pool Pissing. ‘Many doctors are certain that there are no harmful effects whatsoever from swimming in a pool full of someone else’s urine, and to appease the few whingers we all have our fundamental right to piss in public pools infringed. It’s a pleasant, warm feeling and does no-one any harm, for goodness sake!’
speedos to carry health warningHowever, leisure centres up and down the country are adamant that a ban on pissing in pools is essential if they are to protect employees such as lifeguards and swimming instructors from the harmful effects of what doctors are calling ‘passive pissing’. ‘These people have the right to get on with their jobs without being exposed to second-hand urine,’ said David Nicholson, Chief Executive of the NHS. ‘I’m not saying we should ban pissing all together – that would be uncomfortable for everyone – but all the evidence suggests that pissing can lead to health problems in the long term, and floating yellow slicks in the short term.’
But if authorities are to tackle the harm caused by pissing, many believe they need to challenge the widely-held view that it is acceptable to empty your bladder in public swimming baths.
‘It was having kids that changed my perspective,’ said one former pisser, Gordon Renfrew. ‘I quit eight years ago. It was tough at first – I missed the warmth and camaraderie.  still get the urge from time to time, especially if I’m out swimming with friends who still piss, but I’d never go back to it. That said,I have been known to nip into the toilets to have a sneaky little slash in the basins. Just to be sociable, like'.

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Barking Spider said...

It was very tempting to rate this one as "pish", DL! ;-)

Conan the Librarian™ said...

I've "taken" the liberty.

Anonymous said...

They have created a fear that is based on nothing’’
World-renowned pulmonologist, president of the prestigious Research Institute Necker for the last decade, Professor Philippe Even, now retired, tells us that he’s convinced of the absence of harm from passive smoking. A shocking interview.

What do the studies on passive smoking tell us?

PHILIPPE EVEN. There are about a hundred studies on the issue. First surprise: 40% of them claim a total absence of harmful effects of passive smoking on health. The remaining 60% estimate that the cancer risk is multiplied by 0.02 for the most optimistic and by 0.15 for the more pessimistic … compared to a risk multiplied by 10 or 20 for active smoking! It is therefore negligible. Clearly, the harm is either nonexistent, or it is extremely low.

It is an indisputable scientific fact. Anti-tobacco associations report 3 000-6 000 deaths per year in France ...

I am curious to know their sources. No study has ever produced such a result.

Many experts argue that passive smoking is also responsible for cardiovascular disease and other asthma attacks. Not you?

They don’t base it on any solid scientific evidence. Take the case of cardiovascular diseases: the four main causes are obesity, high cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes. To determine whether passive smoking is an aggravating factor, there should be a study on people who have none of these four symptoms. But this was never done. Regarding chronic bronchitis, although the role of active smoking is undeniable, that of passive smoking is yet to be proven. For asthma, it is indeed a contributing factor ... but not greater than pollen!

The purpose of the ban on smoking in public places, however, was to protect non-smokers. It was thus based on nothing?

Absolutely nothing! The psychosis began with the publication of a report by the IARC, International Agency for Research on Cancer, which depends on the WHO (Editor's note: World Health Organization). The report released in 2002 says it is now proven that passive smoking carries serious health risks, but without showing the evidence. Where are the data? What was the methodology? It's everything but a scientific approach. It was creating fear that is not based on anything.

Why would anti-tobacco organizations wave a threat that does not exist?

The anti-smoking campaigns and higher cigarette prices having failed, they had to find a new way to lower the number of smokers. By waving the threat of passive smoking, they found a tool that really works: social pressure. In good faith, non-smokers felt in danger and started to stand up against smokers. As a result, passive smoking has become a public health problem, paving the way for the Evin Law and the decree banning smoking in public places. The cause may be good, but I do not think it is good to legislate on a lie. And the worst part is that it does not work: since the entry into force of the decree, cigarette sales are rising again.

Why not speak up earlier?

As a civil servant, dean of the largest medical faculty in France, I was held to confidentiality. If I had deviated from official positions, I would have had to pay the consequences. Today, I am a free man.

Le Parisien

Dark Lochnagar said...

Spidey, when you stay in the west of Scotland and as a nipper you are tempted to take what the 'old people' told you was a fun experience, i.e. a dip in the Firth of Clyde, it was the only way to make the experience acceptable was to have a pish and warm the water up a bit. Now the hygienic aspect wasn't really as important as it is now, as a you regularly got a condon, tampax or worse a piece of shite in your mouth as you swam There was no flagged beaches in those days, when men were men and the end of the sewer pipe only came out 100 yds, with no sewage works!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, you always know who the bastard was who did it. I remember being in the Dominican Republic and this guy was sitting, at the in pool bar, drinking copious amounts of beer and didn't go for a pish in 6 hours, the dirty bastard!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, my Mother in Law, who's 84, went a couple of years ago to her Consultant who wouldn't believe she never smoked. However my Father in Law smoked a pipe for 30 years.

I was a smoker and if I am ever told I've only got 3 months to live will probably go back to it. However, it stinks, it undoubtedly causes problems with passive smoking. So it's not going to change. Either stop or accept it and work round it.

banned said...

Mum to lifeguard "why did you tell my little Tommy to leave?"
Lifguard "Because he was weeing in the pool"
Mum "Oh really!. Lots of little boys do that for goodness sake"
LG "Yes madam, but not from the top diving board".

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I've always said the old ones are the best! Like that man the other day. The wife was leaning across the freezer to get a frozen chicken and he though, "that will do for me" and he had entered her from behind. He's been banned sine die from Asdas.