ALI'S BOOK STORE AFTER THE BOOK SIGNING
There were chaotic scenes in Baghdad, last night after an appearance by Ex-Prime Minister, Tony Blair. The book signing of his new book, 'I'm a murdering, millionaire fuckpig', has to sell 5,000,000 copies before it breaks even, after Blair was given an advance of £10m, of which he is giving £3.46 to the British Legion as a tax dodge.
The evening started with Blair being flown in by Army helicopter at the British Taxpayers' expense. A large crown had gathered outside 'Ali's Book Store', the Iraqi equivalent of 'Waterstones', right next to 'Nadir's Carpets', the Iraqi subsidiary of 'Carpet Right' of London, Paris and Tel -Aviv. As Blair arrived the crowd started to chant, "Blair, Blair, fucking murdering pigdog"! It was at this point the barrage of shoes started to be thrown, a ancient Arab insult, well at least when they're new but these were real smelly bastards.
I asked an incensed bystander who had appeared to have flung his whole family's shoes including his baby's bootees, which having been made out of river reeds, didn't go very far. "Why do you hate Mr Blair so much", I asked? "Because he sent his soldiers here to kill all my family when I was out looking for water", he told me", tears welling up in his eyes. "Why does Queen Elizabeth send soldiers to invade Iraq, we no do fuck all to England"?
As I couldn't really answer his question, I concluded the interview and made my way by Army Tank back to my badly damaged, bullet strewn hotel with the Iraqi's voice resonating around my head.