Saturday, 4 September 2010

I AM SLEEPING WITH WILLIAM HAGUE!


Tonight my fellow persons who deal in crap, I am going to sleep in the same room as WILLIAM HAGUE, just to test out this Gay shite.

Now we can only afford a TRAVELODGE because despite the fact that BIG DICK, (as I like to call him), is a multi-millionaire, it doesn't mean that we have to splash out on somewhere expensive.  Now, I'm writing this from the room.  I've already had a shower and brushed my teeth after our time in the bar and now DICK is getting titillated, sorry titivated.  Now before you say fuck all, we have separate beds although they are a bit close together for my liking.  If I feel the baldy twat's hand on my cock, he'll get a slap.  I was in a similar situation once with a pal of mine called Danny when we were working in N. Ireland.  After finding a hotel that wasn't going to get bombed, we got the last room in this place, but the beds, although separate, were a bit close together.  Anyway to cut a long story short, I awoke the next morning with a huge hard-on and as one does you give a wee rub to encourage it.  It was the biggest erection I had had in years.  Imagine my disappointment when I heard Danny say, "are you going to get your fucking hands off my cock"?

I believe Ffion is going to join us later and I have high hopes of a wee threesome.  As long as I don't have to shag BIG DICK and sorry GAY FOLLOWING, there is no way he's getting anywhere near my arse!

21 comments:

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Your gay following...

Not, you're gay, following.

Broon sauce.

Ya bam.

CrazyDaisy said...

Apparently, your not gay if you don't push back, well unless your on the edge of a cliff!

Mrs Dale is a like-able sort, or should that be lick-able?!

Bit to heavy on the Broon sauce too, makes your ring sting like mustard and butter, which is a good joke Ill save for your next homophobic post,

I'm nae stroker!

CD

Munguin said...

Oh dear! The Tory party must be in penury if they are forced to share a room in a travel lodge. Lets face it I am assuming that William and his good looking young aide were not off electioneering as a twosome, you would expect there to be numerous party flunkies there anxious to get their pic taken with the great Wee Wullie Hague, so why didn’t he share a room with some ugly old coffin dodger? Either he shagged the guy or his judgement is so poor he is not fit to be Foreign Secretary. Did he not wonder how it would look to a media anxious for any detail of sexual peccadilloes and one that have cast aspersions on his sexuality for more than a decade? Daaa!

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Looks like I may have been pished @ comment one...

Mrs Hague said...

Send him home immediately. I'm having another 'miscarriage' !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, interesting use of syntax there, big man. A skitter of Lea and Perrins to you too.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy! Me homophobic? I've got a huge gay following as you very well know. Probably even more, now that I'm a media whore!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Mungers, I've had a long heart to heart talk with big Dick. He is a little homosexual but he still loves Ffion, she taught him to speak Welsh you know, which will be handy if he's ever in Wales and he sees a sheep with it's head caught in a fence. He has told me that the aide gave him a blow job which he quite enjoyed, but insists he didn't do anything back, well apart from the masterbation and he tells me he wore gloves, surgical gloves that is, not those big winter thingies as they are no use for getting a grip on small cocks, he says.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Conan, don't worry about it, I was pished when I wrote the post. All that Champers downstairs in the bar with Dick. BTW, I still hate the smell of Brown Sauce, ya gadgie bastard!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ffion, get your arse over here for the threesome and I'll make sure you get a good Scottish seeding. There will be no more miscarriages after that, I can guarantee you.

Captain Ranty said...

I awoke this morning and there was a thing of tungsten throbbing away.

A veritable blue veiner. A diamond cutter, if you will.

By the time I got down there to deal with it, it had transmogrified into a limp noodle. A useless, feckless appendage.

Ceste la fucking vie.

CR.

Barking Spider said...

Fucking hilarious, DL. ;-)

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ranters, I fear that you may have been dreaming about having a hard-on and by the time you had got your mittens on the appendage either to admire it or perchance to give it a wee stroke or seven, you had woken up. I have that dream often.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Spidey, what do you mean? This is a serious piece of journalism!

Munguin said...

DL: as long as he didn't swallow its not gay sex! Bit like Bill Clinton and his joint.

bugsbunny said...

If you wake up in the middle of the night to find Michael Portillo, Alan Duncan, and the Ghost of Stephen Milligan with a satsuma, an iron flex, bin bag, stockings and suspenders and a grin from ear to ear from Alan Duncan carrying 250mls of lube and a butt plug,I'd get to hell out of there as soon as possible.

Bugsbunny.

bugsbunny said...

Of course, if it had been Scotland's friend and dearest champion, David Starkey, you would have nothing to worry about DL. You're a wee bit old for him you see? About 40 years too old for him, apparently. A bit like a gay Roman Polanski if what I've read is true. It was in a 2004 edition of the Sunday Sport, you see,so it must be true! (The only paper where you get tits on every page, including the sports page). lol.

Bugsbunny.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Mungers, Bill Clinton didn't swallow a joint did he? I had a friend who could swallow a fag once, but your average joint is a bit thick!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugs, welcome to the blog! I actually had a narrow escape and I can tell you because no one else will read it this late on, but there was three fuckers jumped out of the wardrobe just as I was dropping off. Well I drop kicked the first two and gave the third one a karate chop to the windpipe and got out of there quick. It was all a bit of a blur, but I do seem to remember big Dick sitting on his bed wanking like fuck with an expresion on his face like a Chinese Cheshire cat on speed. I don't know what his problem was. As for that fucker Starkey, I did a blogpost on him once, but in actual fact although he doesn't like Scots or heterosexuals, that's me fucked then if you take my meaning, I do actully quite like him although he's a shirtlifter. (Sorry Gay following). He certainly brings something to 'Question Time'!

banned said...

How was it for you DL? Did the earth move?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, the earth couldn't move quick enough to get me out of there!