Thursday, 8 October 2009

ONE GAY MAN,TWO LESBIANS, A THREE-LEGGED CAT AND A POISONED CURRY!


A gay man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours by putting SLUG PELLETS into their curry after he was accused of SHAGGING their three-legged cat.


Gary Stewart, 37, had been at loggerheads with Marie Walton and Beverley Sales for months.
But things looked brighter when he made a peace offering of some curry, claiming he had ordered too much from the Indian takeaway.

When the women started to eat, they found the curry studded with SLUG PELLETS.
They called the police and Stewart was arrested. He was later charged with attempted murder and CAT SHAGGING which is punishable by having your GONADS circumcised with a sharp piece of PIANO WIRE under a little known 1784 Act of depraved sexual relations with domestic animals.



The Act fortunately does not cover SHEEP AND OTHER FARM ANIMAL SHAGGING which is a constant source of relief for most men North and West of Inverness.



BTW I've had some bad curries in my day, but never one with BLUE CROUTONS!

(Alright he didn't shag the cat, he just kidnapped it)

15 comments:

Gay Boy said...

It's stories like this that give Gays stereotypically a bad name.

Dark Lochnagar said...

FUCK OFF!

banned said...

Whats wrong with shagging cats ?

scunnert said...

Maybe Gay Boy is into cats? Banned at leaast has come out of the closet.

Dark Lochnagar said...

The problem with shagging a cat is that they scratch your balls like fuck as you enter your chosen cat orifice. Even rubbing the rest of the KY Jelly on your scrotum can't ease the pain. No, No take my word for it sheep are best. A bit smelly sometimes and you have to scrape those bits of crusty wool off their arsehole before you start but much more satisfying in the end and of course if you can take them to the edge of a cliff and get them pushing back in fear onto the end of your cock, this is the ultimate pleasure!

Roslyn Scientist said...

That was why we bred "Dolly". People think it died of athritis, but in actual fact it was shagged to death. It was genetically engineered to be the perfect sheepshag, but we forgot the fanny gene and we just had to take it up the bumhole.

G.O.T. said...

Guinea pigs aren't too bad except you have to wrap them in duck tape to stop the furry little fuckers from splitting.

Btw, I'd have shagged the 2 lezzers to death and then curried the cat. Thus saving on the cost of a takeaway and slug pellets.

Oh, and Gay Boy, get a life you heterophobic cunt!

The Editor said...

Calling England AKA Goodnight Vienna has a three-legged cat!

Gay Boy said...

No, G.O.T. you get a life you guinea pig shagger. The lesbians wouldn't have let you near them, that's what there trying to get away from, big fat old drunk wankers like you.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Gay Boy, I told you to FUCK OFF. Don't come on here and insult my friends you fucking shirt lifting cunt!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Editor, Thank you for your information. This will no doubt prove to be the catalyst which enables us to get to the bottom of this story, so to speak. I have contacted said Goodnight Vienna to ask him about his cat's involvement and I am hoping for a response shortly.

The Lesbians are however proving more elusive.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Personaly speaking, I would shag a hole in the ground.

I haven't had my nat king for fucking ages 'cos the wife is due to drop in 6 weeks and won't let me near her.

Selfish bastard...

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rab, when you say you would shag a hole in the ground, it only an idea, but there is a gay boy hanging about my site here and well, any port in a storm as they say. If it gets out we won't say a word, honest! Seemingly it's the in thing nowadays, if you take my meaning! As far as I am aware you don't have to kiss the cunt or anything, so it's not like being unfaithful to the wife with her pregnant like. You might have to give him a wank when your shagging him, (I once saw a porn shot by accident when I was looking for old, fat birds), but just pretend it's yours which will only become a problem if either of you are Jewish and the other isn't or perhaps your parents circumcised you for hygene reasons which is my own personal experience.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I think what you are saying is that you require a 'reach around'...

Yir hole's yir hole and all that!

Gay Boy said...

Mmmm! I hear what your saying Rab. You sound like my kind of guy. Is a meet on the cards?