CLINT EASTWOOD GETS UNFORTUNATE BIRTHDAY MESSAGE!

NICKED KNICKER NICKING MASTERBATING MAYOR INCARCERATED

A mayor who got his ''sexual kicks'' by sneaking into bedrooms to steal women's underwear AND WANKING in the underwear drawers has been jailed for two years after he was caught out by a secret camera.  Ian Stafford, 59, was a church-goer and highly respected member of the community and Mayor of Preesall in Lancashire.

Stafford was a trusted odd job man who worked for several OAPs.  One suspicious homeowner who began to notice the thefts of her dirty knickers planted hidden cameras - which captured one episode of Stafford in the bedroom naked from the waist down with a pair of 'crusty' knickers over his head wanking furiously into her underwear drawer.  Stafford,  who resigned as mayor after being arrested, was jailed for two years after pleading guilty at an earlier hearing to three counts of burglary with exaggerated masturbation.

After hobbling into court using a walking stick, past his victims in the public gallery, his jaw dropped as he was sent down by Judge Heather Lloyd, who told him his actions were ''bluntly revolting''.  ''Your private desires or fantasies should only be your concern", she told him, ''To masturbate into a woman's underwear and place it back in the drawer, repeatedly, as seen in the DVD, was fucking disgusting.  I am determined to stop this wanking.  Only this morning I was telling my teenage son........".

NOW THE SCOTCH BASTARD IS CLOSING THE PUBS!

After BANKRUPTING the country, the NULABOUR BASTARDS are shutting the pubs between THREE O'CLOCK AND SIX O'CLOCK!

In a RETROGRADE STEP after they introduced 24 hour drinking which has proved to be SUCH A SUCCESS with many wine bars being opened despite the recession where one can go for  a glass of wine in a convivial atmosphere with no swearing or violence.  This has been reflected in the civilised manner in which people go home after the pubs and clubs have closed.  It used to be the case that people would DRINK TO EXCESS and would be worse for wear when the pubs shut at eleven o'clock however that all changed when pub hours were extended.  Now people who may want another refreshment after they have been drinking for six hours or so at three o'clock will be forced out on the streets where fights may ensue over TAXIS and whether their young lady is a WHORE or not.

Thankfully if Tories get in after the next election, call me Dave says that he will keep it the same, (he thinks, depending on the polls).