Wednesday, 29 June 2011

WHY DON'T THESE OLD FUCKERS LIKE PARKINSON RETIRE?


While we're on a good moaning session, why don't these old fuckers, Michael Parkinson and Terry Wogan retire?

There doesn't seem to be a magazine or a TV advert slot that doesn't have fucking 'Parky' trying to sell us old twats, insurance.  It seems a funeral cost £3500 and if we give his company £25 per month for 30 years, there might and I stress might, be enough to plant us.  Oh, and you can get a free pen for replying.

One or two things strike me.  Firstly I have more than enough pens.  How much money does this bastard want?  He must have more money than you could throw shite at.  Lastly, I'll be dead and going for worm food and I couldn't give a shit what kind of funeral I have.  In fact, I hope I have absolutely no money and the Council have to plant me.  There won't be any free refreshments laid on for greedy bastards either.  If they want to have a drink to remember my memory they can pay for the fucking thing themselves.

It's the same with these DJs like Wogan, Ken Bruce, that hairy twat and that self promoting arsehole that's on Radio 2 in the afternoon.  They're only spinning records FFS.  They're not singers or dancers and they don't even have big tits like Kelly Brook.  Fuck off to the old folks home and let some younger people on, just not that speccy, ginger twat!

16 comments:

Gallovidian said...

I couldn't sell insurance, my conscience would not let me. I would consider hired assassin of something like that which is not so bad.

Dr Biggus Tittus said...

They're terrified of the 'retired Major syndrome'. From big nob to zero overnight. Used to being the centre of attention and having their every word praised and pored over they go to someone who is ignored and nobody gives a fuck what they say anymore. This causes feelings of inadequacy and self doubt which leads them to seek comfort in alcohol to help boost their ego. The alcohol, although providing short term respite, actually increases their depression and feelings of paranoia and self hate and can lead to an early death.
So they will do a Brucie Forsyth or Tommy Cooper and keep going until they drop. Because the alternative to them is too much to contemplate.

tris said...

The speccy ginger twat is old himself now. He was cool about 20 years ago. He should really be doing Eurovision by now.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Gallos, I did sell insurance myself for a few years and it's actually a good thing to have, it's pensions that are the rip off. You could drop dead the day after you retire and the annuity company keeps the lot!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Large Booby, that was a very sensible answer Are you sure you're on the right blog?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tris, was that in his Ibiza days or when he was shagging her out of 'Doctor Who'?

Dr Big bazookas said...

DL. Using Mr Hari's cut and paste journalism I am now able to pontificate at length on any subject in any blog. From minor ones to more widely known blogs like your own fine blog.
I remember when Luther told me he" had a dream" and Winston said "No Surrender " as we were trying to climb a steep hill.Gordon told me he was going to "end boom and bust" but all we got was bust so part of that quote worked.
I try to avoid that speccie ginger twat ( who was always a speccie ginger twat and never cool) but he keeps popping up in adverts for his ginger twat radio show. He will have to be 'exterminated" as a dalek said to me once.

http://order-order.com/2011/06/28/cut-and-paste-hari/

Anonymous said...

My cat is insured. But I still doubt there is any chance of her being hit by an asteroid anytime soon. But as the salesman said I suppose I am better being safe than sorry.

tris said...

Oh I don't have a scoobie DL. I don't follow his career, I just remember that about 20 years ago when he did TFIF, he was kinda in, but I saw him the other day and he looks like someone's granddad.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Dr Tituus Triminduus, as someone who has attained a small level of what I fondly in my misguided way may be some knowledge of how these darned new found fangled things work, I emphasize. Although I felt I was a bit of a pioneer in the 80s, after windows came in I was fucked and had to re-educate myself. But less of this shit. Yes,I remember now what I wanted to say. Some wine has ruined my abilities! Yes, cut and paste. A process that took me several years to work out as I refused any tuition on the subject. Was this fucker Hari, Mata Hari's grandson that my grandfather told me about?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, Thank fuck! My cat had a problem with her back end, arthritis not shitting and was in the vets for a wee and it cost £650! Thank fuck we we're insured.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tris, are you sure that's not that twat that presented, 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'?

Dr Big Titties. said...

DL. Yes the Hari in question is indeed the grandson of the famous slapper Matta Harry. He tried to copy and paste his traiterous past by moving to the 'Indescribably' boring newspaper and started copy and pasting thereafter. I say copy as my computer says copy and paste not cut and paste. But I digress. As I was saying he's heard all the famous quotes first hand from his small flat in Londonistan where Ghandis flip flops tramped up the stairs to tell him 'I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians'. Harry was shocked as it reminded him of a quote he heard from Jesus himself 'Christ why have you forsaken me ?' Nothing like Luther's 'I have a dream' or 'Crisis What Crisis' by the Supertramp or Heath or something but still pretty cool and worth a comfy seat on Al Ja Beebas Newsnight Review with Krusty Wank and Pat Kannae etc.
So if you want to be fawned over by ear ring wearing lefty teachers who swing both ways and back then get copying and pasting.

Dark Lochnagar said...

BoobiesGiganticus, I fucking hate that Pat Kane. He is a left wing, Bolshevik fuckpig. And that's on a good night. still at least his wife, who's now an SNP MSP, had the sense to get shot of the wanker.

tris said...

Lord knows DL... they are all much the same to me.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tris, I watched that with my sister once when it first came out. I always thought she was reasonably intelligent until she started shouting out the answers to the shite questions at the start. What a roasting I gave her!