|LITTLEJOHN ENGORGED BY YOUR HATE|
DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn was in the throes of a powerful erection today as millions of people subjected him to a fresh batch of hate.
Littlejohn confirmed that the blood began pumping to his short, lumpy penis moments after he completed an article in which he gleefully poked fun at someone because they have cerebral palsy.
He added: "Just the thought of how appalled people were going to be made me hard enough to masturbate.
"As I ejaculated I pictured an ugly, bespectacled social worker, his face contorted in a rictus of pure loathing.
"But now all the complaints are coming in and I just keep getting harder and harder.
"It's actually quite sore and hot now. But in a good way."
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: "The Mail's business plan is based on annoying you. They pay this man £1m a year to do nothing but get on your tits."
He added: "They will even let him submit copy in which he actually compares things in the news to sketches from Little Britain, as long they know it is going to annoy you.
"Because they know that if you are annoyed by it then lots of other people - small businessmen, golfers, your parents - are fucking loving it.
"And they only love it because they know it annoys you. If you stop being annoyed by it, they will stop loving it and then Littlejohn will have to go and compare things to Little Britain in the Daily Express.
From the excellent Daily Mash