Thursday, 16 September 2010


After arriving at Pentonville Prison in a chauffeur driven car, unlike his fellow prisoners who were transported in an old truck, pop-pixie George Michael was locked in a solitary confinement for the safety of the other prisoners.

Prison Governor, Jack, 'the lad', Fletcher told D.L., "if Michael thinks he is coming here to shag the fuck out of the other inmates and do their drugs, he's got another thing coming.  He can just sit in his cell and 'choke his chicken' at the male porn films we have provided for his stay.  Not that he'll get any special privileges, just because he's a multi-millionaire, who may like to contribute to my pension.  If, when his dinner is delivered from the Ritz, he'll just have to have his butler heat it up in the microwave, I have provided.  There is no way we are going to get him ESPN as well as the full Sky package and a subscription to 'Gay' TV and I've told him that I won't allow his rent boys to stay in his cell for any longer than three hours at a time and if I hear any of the bastards orgasming then it's going to cost him extra.

There have been some 'careless whispers' that George Michael is getting special treatment, but I can assure the great British Public, that that is not the case.  Oh BTW did I tell you about my retirement plans..."


Stephen Roney. said...

I heard, a number of years ago, that George Michael had to go to the Doctor because something was blocking his "love passage", and his Lover's "love truncheon" was not into his entry. After a few minutes of rumageing about, they found a chocolate bar. The Doctor told George, "Don't worry. It was only a careless Wispa".

Dark Lochnagar said...

Roners, welcome to the blog. Good one. I know of a fucker who went to the doctor with a vibrator stuck up his arse and I mean, stuck. The Doctor tried to pull it out for ages and finally gave up and told him he couldn't get it out. "No, this guy says, I don't want you to get it out, just change the batteries"! The old ones are the best. Remind me sometime when time is not so pressing, to tell you the one about the poof and the spark plug!

Stephen Roney. said...

I was in the Red Cross between April 1995 and February 1998. In the summer of 1996 I was at the Northfield Bowling Club in Ayr, when two nurses told me about a certain Bryce Curdy, (remember him, Bearded Newsreader for STV), who came, not once, but three times to the old Ayr Hospital to get a broom handle removed from his rectum. He blamed his wife. lol.

BTW I've wrote here before under the pseudonym bugsbunny. I thought I miht as well give my real name. Hope Bryce is reading this. lol.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Good man, better to come out in the open like me!

I know Bryce Curdy because although I now stay in a village North of Prestwick, where I was born, I stayed in Ayr for 20 years and my wife comes from there. Bryce Curdy stayed next door to friends of her parents and it was in that house where the incident occurred. I remember it well. Fuck me, it's a small world!