Monday, 5 July 2010


Competitive eater Joey "Jaws" Chestnut ate his way to a fourth consecutive championship at the annual July Fourth hot dog eating contest at New York's Coney Island. 
But he was suddenly upstaged by the surprise appearance of his biggest rival – six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi, who did not compete but crashed the stage after Chestnut's win and wrestled with police. 
"Let him eat! Let him eat!" the crowd chanted as police handcuffed the world's No. 3 professional eater, dubbed "The Tsunami."  He was under arrest Sunday afternoon, charged with resisting arrest, trespass and obstructing governmental administration.
Minutes earlier, Mr Jaws Chestnut downed 54 hot dogs in 10 minutes to win the annual Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest.  The runner-up was Tim "Eater X" Janus, with a total of 45. Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti came in third with 37 dogs.  (Fuck me, they're worse than darts players for nicknames)!
Mr Chestnut was disappointed with his performance, despite claiming the bejewelled, mustard-yellow belt plus a $20,000 purse.

The Hot Dog Eaters' toilet attendants are on strike and Judge Wilfred T Whyte sentenced the "Tsunami" to clean out the competitors' toilets as his 'community service'.  "I'll teach the Jap bastard", "Deep Dish" mumbled as he headed towards the bogs with a six pack of 'strong but gentle' lavvy paper under his arm.  The Americans have claimed that Joey 'Jaws's' record is a WORLD RECORD, but they don't know of Britain's secret weapon for next year, Charles 'The Chav' Churchill, who regularly downs an equivalent amount of 'Big Macs' and fries after drinking 15 pints of Lager!


lips n arseholes - tasty said...

54 hotdogs ? His guts must be churning. All that meat slurry recovered from pig and cattle skulls and the creatures nether regions using electric scrapers. Lovely jubbly !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Arsehole, I wouldn't like to be the one who cleans his Lav. Fuck me there must be diahorea everywhere!