Tuesday, 25 May 2010

A RADICAL SOLUTION TO THE FINANCIAL CRISIS-CULL THE 'COFFINDODGERS'


Today, I would like to make a recommendations to the Cameron Government.  Compulsory retirement at aged 65 for everybody and a CULL of all COFFINDODGERS when they reach 75.

This would free NHS spending for us younger people who need it.  It would save £billions in Pensions, free TV licenses, bus passes and the Winter fuel allowance.  It would also help employment as the funeral industry would have to take on extra staff for digging graves and the like.  All their assets should also go to the state, thereby allowing us to pay of the debt that GORDON BROWN and the BANKERS, (sounds like a 60's group), ran up, when he allowed them free rein. 
To balance the equation, we should help pensioners enjoy their last 10 years by giving them free membership of bowling and golf clubs for the men and positions of responsibility in the W.R.I. for the women.  Fair's fair.  By the time the Arthritis sets in by the age of 75, they'll be happy to unburden themselves on society.  Quite but dignified funerals will be arranged by the state and paid out of their assets.  Their families will be saved the pain of watching their elderly relatives suffer as they do now or worse suffer the shock that can happen when a Father or Mother pops their clogs, unexpectedly.

All in all, a much more dignified end to some one's life.  I would anticipate that if this scheme runs for exactly 19 years 6 months, we will have more than paid off the National Debt and we can let those lucky people who will have reached 74 years by that time, live the rest of their lives, until the end comes naturally. 

26 comments:

a young greenshirt said...

Could we use the bodies for composting and hence reduce the greenhouse effect of all the extra creamtions ? And stop burying them in graveyards with the scarcity in precious green sites.

Bugger said...

I take it you are 75 years of age minus 19 years 7 months them DL.

My how you can talk shite when you have a smoke, peace man!!


LOL!

Bugger said...

and read you e-mails!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Mr Younger, these are two excellent ideas and I am going to pass them on to Mr Cameron. I am sure that his partner Mr Clegg, will be equally pleased at your suggestion a he is a bit of a green cunt. Perhaps you would like to use a proper google ID, so the coffindodgers know where to come to when they want to add their own congratulations.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugger one, I may or may not be the age you mentioned and if I am then that would be purely coincedental with the national debt being repaid! And by BTW, not as much shite as you talk on that Facebook about fucking chicken wings or something unintellegable!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugger 2, Why? Was there something of interest?

Anonymous said...

My partner passed away last week aged 58.
Does she qualify for a full refund?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous, if indeed your partner did cop her wack, last week you have my sincere sympathy but I'm afraid that no refunds are able to be paid thanks to the state of the country caused by that Labour fuckpig, Brown. So you will have to take any compen out of his future earnings which will be fucking big despite his ptotestations.

subrosa said...

That sounds a fair deal. I'll sell up and spend the lot in the next 11 years.

In fact it could be fun, great fun. :)

Down in the Smoke said...

Sorry. should have been under my own moniker.
I'm not pulling your pisser, it's a sad, but true, fact of life and death. Nobody else's concern but mine. It's just that under Labour's a future fair for all vision, i would have assumed they'd factored in that possibility in their calculations, and introduced a tax refund credits system that sought to abolish unfairness and inequality of longevity.
Another nail in the coffin of Socialism.

banned said...

I'm ahead of the game here DL having been committing suicide by fags'n'booze for the past thirty years but it isn't working; I've tried lethargy and salt too but it isn't helping, any ideas?

In my line of work I've seen too many examples of the elderly in festering squalor and indignity under the rule of beaurocratic obcenity (?sp, soz, pissed), money does not help, to wish it upon myself.

subrosa said...

Stick with it banned, you've a while to go. After 60 the effects will kick in.

Bugger said...

Banned

If you are really serious, try sodomy.

I think that South Africa could be a good starting point for you and I believe there are a lot of good hotel deals with tickets to see some games thrown in.

Bugger said...

I'll say nothing about England getting humpted too, ooopps I just did.

That thinking out loud thing again, dearie me.

banned said...

Bugger, with a name like that you would obviously know.
As for South Africa, I'd rather die at my own pace than be chopped up by some AIDS crazed zombie.

Bugger said...

Banned

Some day I'll tell you why I was christened that way, by the Rev Dr John Ebenezer Brown, the father of one James Gordon Brown, who was the Parish Minister at Govan {Parish Church in Glasgow.

Send me your e-mail address and I tell you all about it.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rosie, I feel that it would give you some sort of finallity in your life. You could plan what you are going to do with it if you know you're going to be culled in 11 years. Did you see the film 'The Bucketlist', I suppose it will be a bit like that. Real good fun.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Smokers, sorry mate. Sometimes when you compile blogposts, you, well me can be a wee bit insensitive. But then in 5 years when time has helped to heal the scars, you'll be able to look back with fondness at the times you spent together and the regret won't be so acute. Sorry again.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, in your case we might have to make an allowance when you hit the 'culling' age. It appears that you are single handedly trying to keep the economy going by all the taxes you are paying on your little 'pleasures'. Get back to me nearer the time and I'll have a word with the Great Leader.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rosie, what do you mean after 60? Do you mean I'm going to get worse after 60? As you know I don't normally swear when I talk to you as you are a bit posh, but fuck me!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugger, now that we have our own wee Parly thingy, we really should be shouting on our English cousins to victory. I myself hope they get to the Semis, where they will play Germany and of course it will go to penalties and the usual result will probably ensue.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, you've got a point about going to South Africa. I've got the feeling it's all going to end in ntears. (You heard it here first). In fact I did a post months ago about stab proof vests you could buy for going to the games.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, I wish you'd sent me an E-mail about Broon's father and your name. I might open it then. It would make a chnge from the usual shite you send me. ;-)

Bugger said...

Banned, I wish you'd sent me an E-mail about Broon's father and your name. I might open it then. It would make a chnge from the usual shite you send me. ;-)

You are confused and haverin man.

I think your comment was addressed to Bugger?

Winging on its way.

Bugger said...

incoming!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Bugger, Bugger me! You're right, I am confused. I'm going to blame it on election stres because I can't blame the drink.