Wednesday, 26 May 2010

HOMEWORKERS TO KNIT BREAST IMPLANTS IN NEW NHS FUNDING SCANDAL!

A PICTURE OF ONE OF THE NEW KNITTED BOOBS TAKEN BY SECRET CAMERA

In a new funding crisis shock to the NHS in England and Wales, homeworkers are to be employed to 'knit' breast implants aimed at new low-cost BREAST AUGMENTATION OPERATIONS.


By paying only the minimum wage and using an inferior wool, NHS managers expect to get the price of a couple of DD implants down from the current price of £3389 plus VAT to £4.36.  The only advantage of the 'new implants' is that patients will be able to have a range of different sizes which can be changed at will, to suit different situations.  For instance a BB size for the beach under a bikini, (in case they get soggy in the water), or a DD size under an evening dress to impress your friends, (and their partners).
Only top quality knitters need apply for employment as it is a requirement of the post, that you can sew a PERFECT NIPPLE.

NHS MANAGERS are hoping the new knitted breasts don't cause the same problems as the PLASTICINE PENIS EXTENSIONS' SCANDAL of the 70's.

2 comments:

banned said...

Don't see what the fuss is about; lads were always expected to enhance their endowment with a few scruffed up kleenex and the girls stuffed their bras with them, suited most circumstances, except swimming.
That's the problem with the modern world, too fucking complicated by half; what would my old gran have said about "knitted implants"? "Knickers!" That's wahet.


btw Dark Lochnagar, my old mate, I would most strongly advise you NOT to visit my site site for a couple of days since my latest blogpost would only cause you apoplexly which would not be good given your recent record of ill-health.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, fortunately my wife never had the problem of having to stuff her bra, there was plenty going on in there already. Right I'm over to you right now.