Sunday, 7 March 2010

BROWN ANNOUNCES ON NEWS-WE ARE NOW AT WAR WITH ICELAND!

AN EMPEROR PENGUIN WAITS FOIR IT'S LUNCH IN A ICELANDIC ZOO YESTERDAY

With the solemn words, "due to the NO vote in the Icelandic referendum regarding the £2.3 billion owed to this country, we are now at war with Iceland.  I have ordered A FLOTILLA OF 2 MINESWEEPERS, THE ISLE OF WHITE FERRY AND A TUG to be dispatched immediately for Icelandic waters in a show of strength"

The Minesweepers will be deployed to search for watery IEDs, whilst the tug pulls the ferry closer to Iceland.  At this point, a HARRIER JUMP JET will straff the enemy positions allowing the ferry to dock where the GRENADIER GUARDS BRASS BAND will disembark and try to seize the FISH PROCESSING PLANTS FOR BRITAIN!  Should the staff not surrender quickly enough, the band will strike up GOD SAVE THE QUEEN which will make them throw down their filleting knives sharpish.

Four of the Guardsmen will be sent in a FIAT BRAVO to seize the HOT SPRINGS arresting any NUDE BATHERS found there.  The British Troops will hold the ISLAND in a vice-like grip until the ICELANDIC PEOPLES come to their senses and vote to pay us the money they owe us, otherwise the BAND will eat all their HERRING. 

10 comments:

Major Fuckup said...

'harrier jump jets'
Sadly gone from our armoury. Which means we will have trouble fighting the Argies and the Bjorkies.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ah, but your Majoriness, we've have one moth-balled from the Falklands which the Leuchers Air Museum is going to rent back to a proud nation.

Seaman Staines said...

'Leuchars Air Museum'
Sadly no such museum exists.
'proud nation'
Sadly no such nation exists.

banned said...

I used to live near Duxford Air Force Museum, they have a few Sopwith Camels and probably a couple of servicable Spitfires too. Hope that helps.

Once we have captured the Icelenders we should ship them off to the Sheiks of Araby as endentured workers to repay their debts, I'm told they like blonds.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Seaman Staines, Stand to attention that man! No Leuchers museum! Did the Argies bomb it! Proud Nation! We had our time, now we should settle down and find our true place in the world which is not as a superpower.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, the only trouble with the 'Sopwith Camel' is that we need a vertical take off plane to take off from the deck of the Isle of Whyte ferry. But I like the bit about Big, Blond slave women!

CrazyDaisy said...

DL

Right decision it's not their fuck up it's the banks!

Would like to gave had the same choice, should have let the fuckers drown!

CD

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy, Guaranteed. I don't see why the Icelandic people should go bust because their banks were taking deposits from greedy bastards over here who thought they were smart to get an extra 2% on their investments. If our Treasurery guaranteed or recommended the banks that is our problem not theirs.

Don't Call Me Dave said...

If only the British people would rise up like the brave men and women of Iceland and tell their government to fuck off, we’ve had enough and we’re not going to take any more. Stuff the election, we need a revolution. Now! Please? If that’s not too much trouble?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Fred, that is the trouble. We're too nice. Who the fuck's going to start/lead it?