Tuesday, 29 December 2009



Fears over airport security could leave millions of passengers facing the indignity of a 'naked' body scan and paying higher fares to fund it. 
Hi-tech body scanners can see through clothes to detect hidden weapons or explosives such as those used in the failed Christmas Day plot.  They produce an anatomical image of passengers' bodies, including breasts and genitalia, and have been attacked as too intrusive. Critics have described them as a 'virtual strip search'.  Home Secretary Alan Johnson, the postman, said the Government was looking at the use of the full body scanners, but admitted there were cost and privacy issues.

There is no point putting in the scanners, because already my ARAB COUSINS AND ME are looking at new ways to plant bombs in the INFIDELS' PLANES!

My YEMENI MUSLIM COUSINS have invented an explosive called TVNT.  It is KHAKI coloured and will be used in one of two ways 1) The genitalia bomb or, 2) The skidmark bomb.

For the GENITALIA BOMB  the explosive will be packed into the MIGHTY MUSLIM MANHOOD or the FAMOUS FATIMA FANNY and will be exploded by lighting said TAPER or CAVERN WITH A MATCH.

THE SKIDMARK BOMB is more high-tech and is devised to outwit even the cleverest INFIDEL SECURITY OFFICER!  The explosive is squeezed onto the knickers like a shitey skidmark.  If noticed by Security the Bomber only has to say he is afraid of flying.  The Bomber then goes to the toilets and sets his knickers on fire and hopefully KERBOOM!
Only two problems arise, which are the scorching of the Genitalia if the Bomb doesn't go off and the fact that TVNT smells like SHITE and therefore is a dead giveaway!  Or maybe not, if it's an ARAB.


concerned traveller said...

How can airport security guards do their job properly if they spend all day wanking over nude milf's ?

Anonymous said...

I suppose having my bits seen by some security person somewhere is slightly less offensive than being blown up over the Atlantic.

On the other hand we could get out of Iraq, Afghanistan and stop interfering with a load of other places and the great bulk of the terrorism would disappear.

It's not pandering to terrorists demands. It just being sensible. We don't have the money or the skills to run other countries. (Actually we don't have the money or the skills to run our own.) When we leave them they are always worse off then when we went in.

We really need to sit down and consider what we would do if someone came here uninvited and told us how to live. Oh yeah, the Germans tried that once and what did we do... we bombed them till they gave up.

Anonymous said...

concerned traveller... Have you been at an airport and watched most of the people getting on planes for their two weeks in the sun...? Just how hard up would you need to be before you were wanking over that?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Traveller, I would be more worried about the one's who were wanking over the FILFs!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Tris, you are making some very, astute, sensible points, I must come over to your blog and see what it is all about. Now to get back to the wanking issue! just joking. I would think though that if the job was advertised, there would be a queue of people wanting it. I would agree that most people getting on a plane for their 2 weeks in the sun could be classed as physically unattractive but their would be the odd nugget that would make the job worthwhile. I don't fancy however being the person who had to inspect the mens' underwear. Fuck that, Gads!

concerned traveller said...

I dunno I quite like the harrased traveller look. All flustered and hot. Nervous but excited at the same time.
I notice the X ray machine costs £80,000. A bit out of my price range. Things have moved on a long way since I got my free X ray specs from The Hotspur.
FILF's. Yuch. But live and let live.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Traveller, I nremember the x ray specs from the Hornet. Those were the ones that you wore and it felt like it was someone else choking your chicken. Or was that sitting on your hand until it got numb? They tell me Mandy's looking for the job for the FILFs.

Anonymous said...

If it speeds things up and weeds out Abdul with a bomb shoved up his arse then I'm all for it. If they're serious about not impeding the law-abiding and spying on our movements, it also obviates the need for biometric data to be sampled and retained. They're welcome to admire my family jewels; they're *not* welcome to my bio-data.

banned said...

Genetalia shaped bombs were the first thing to occur to me too, smart minds think alike eh DL?

As for super-X-Ray body scans, looking at those might seem like the perfect job for a perv but, like spying on peoples holiday snaps, it would probably be so boring that staff would only be required to do so for one hour at a time, by rota.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Anonymous. I am not sure if you are the 'anonymous' who is commenting on the post above. If you are, you have some serious and interesting points to make. Please next time just make up a name so i know who it is. Several people who comment bregularly on this blog do that, it doesn't affect your anonymouty. I completely agree about the bimetric data and that is an excellent argument against using it. As I am sure you have gleaned from some of my previous posts if you have read any, I am totally against this state control thing.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, a thought has just occurred to me. What about the likes of Mandelson who has had his rectum well bored out over the years. Could this become a new hiding place. Do we have to fear being in the same plane as Elton John or George Michael?

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