Sunday, 22 November 2009

TESCOS HIRE ORANGE ORDER FLUTE BAND TO PLAY A WEE TUNE!



WHEN Tesco wanted to inject a little colour into the opening of a new multi-million pound store, managers thought they had found the perfect entertainment with local musicians.  Instead the supermarket giant was left embarrassed after failing to take into account the West of Scotland’s sectarian sensitivities by booking an Orange flute band.

Members of the Bellshill Imperial Flute band met in the car park of the town’s new Tesco Extra superstore after being booked to perform a set of four songs. They were to start with "The sash my father wore", continuing on to "We'll guard old Derry's walls", then playing that old Londonderry air, "the Pope's a fucking cafflic", by which time they would be pished and finish off with "Are you watching fenian scum".  Their guest conductor for the day was none other than Tescos super-employee, TONY BLAIR.

But as around 20 members warmed up, panicking managers realised their error and hurriedly gave them their marching orders.  Dozens of onlookers – some sporting Rangers strips – watched as disappointed band members packed up their belongings and moved on.

58 comments:

The Young Oligarch said...

Ah ! Bellshill . Town of my birth .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKqKZHNn_gc

And here they are on tour -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQObOHgosyA

A reporter said...

What a coincidence.
Dundee United welcomed 3,000 Celtic supporters to Tannadice today thinking they were here to sing football songs and support their team.
Unfortunately all we heard were pro IRA songs and filthy abuse directed at people of a protestant religion.
This puzzled commentators and the police etc who were so puzzled in fact that they deigned not to mention it or do anything about it.
Celtic were well beaten due to incompetent defending in set pieces yet their manager Mr Mowbry got really confused while talking to eejit reporter Chic Young. Mr Mowbry said that Celtic played Utd off the park for 85 minutes of the game. The 5 minutes that Utd were lucky must have been when Celtic players all stopped and let United score 2 goals.
Celtic supporter and Scottish secretary Jim Murphy commented after the game. He said " Well we've managed to close down political blogs that don't support us so I think United better stop trying to beat better teams otherwise we'll close them down aswell. Don't forget who owns the banks you diddies "

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ah, Oli. I knew a flute band posting would be like a red rag to a bull to a man with a picture of the Queen on his blog! A fine body of men they are too. How the fuck do they play the flute and dance around too, there must be some bastard with a tape deck!(:-)>

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

Orange is Sainsburys.

Blue is Tesco

Red is

Green is Asda

Rab is Morrisons

Its a colour revolution in groceries and political alignment.

When labour and tories and liberals are gone the supermarket queue will decide all.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Reporter, I watched most of the game on telly and Utd were worth their win, that Fortune couldn't hit the proverbial cow's arse.
I've no doubt when Rangers visit you get the same bigotted shite flung at you. I remember going to one of my first Ayr games when I was about 13 and they were playing Rangers. I had to go home and ask my dad what a fenian bastard was, because that was whet I was called despit the fact that I was a proddy supporting my local team. If you lived in Ayrshire like I do you would see the buses streaming to Ibrox and Parkhead from Ireland every time the old firm play. They want to get rid of those Irish scum and a lot of the problems would dissapate. Now that the Orange lodge has told it's members to support Labour, good Irish catholic descendents like Murphy, who is a CUNT BTW, will be singing Rangers praises!:-)

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!!! I don't know where to tell the wife to do the shopping. Can you help?

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

The Cooperative.

A reporter said...

Yeah it's the same with Rangers. Go home the famine is over etc... Brain dead morons.
That Forbes guy from Ayr didn't half show Ayr men up in Come Dine With Me yesterday. Served up pigs trotters at 30 p each. WTF !
And he owns a casino in Ayr. He must be minted. Tight bastard. Think I'll investigate him. See where all the money has gone.

The Young Oligarch said...

I am nothing if not predictable , DL .
Guarding Old Tesco's Walls has been the talk of the steamie all week in sunny Lanarkshire , much to the amusement of all .

I have never seen Bellshill Imperial Flute Band myself , but I have drunk in the pub under their hall . It , too , has a portrait of Her Majesty upon the wall . Very reasonable prices , as well .

banned said...

Tesco, Every Little Helps, ha ha.

AMW said...

What the fuck were Tesco playing at by subjecting shoppers to Tesco value music?

Ah dinna like they wee Orange bands, get right on ma tits..

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING !!!!!! The CO! Fuck off, I'm not that skint yet. We'll stick to Lidl and Aldi :-)

Dark Lochnagar said...

Reporter I didn't see it, but if it is the guy I'm thinking of, he is a tight bastard. The only ""casino"" in Ayr is in the Horizon Hotel and it is not much more than a couple of puggies and a roulette wheel.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Oli, you wouldnae expect the Queen to drink in a pub with dear prices after all !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Banned, that's why they got Tone to conduct them!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Spooks, that's because you're a Hibee. Cannae say the're my favourite either since one woke me up at 10.00 on a Saturday morning years ago when I had a stinking hangover, marching past the flat I had then.

A 2 bit journo said...

Don't think it was a hotel he owned. Just a wee seafront slot machines type of thing.
I probed deeper and found his ch4 page (with pigs trotter menu ) Yum. His rhubarb crumble caught fire aswell and nearly burnt the kitchen down. One of the funniest ever. Check out the "white witch" on the same show. Ayr women are a bit scary man.

http://www.channel4.com/food/on-tv/come-dine-with-me/series-3/forbes-ayr-menu_p_1.html

Dark Lochnagar said...

2 bit. Ayr women scary? Tell me about it, I married one! :-(

The Young Oligarch said...

DL . I have a feeling HM The Queen would not have to put her hand into her sky rocket were she to visit that particular establishment .

Pints of Heavy on the house for her and Phil the Greek .

And haufs of Abbot's Choice ! (Were they so inclined).

Dark Lochnagar said...

Oli, the Queen wouldn't sully the royal lips with heavy. No,No she would want the spirit of her Jacobite ancestors, Drambuie. Phil would drink anything as long as he could gey a swatch at the |Barmaid's tits. But no Abbot's choice wouldn't do as a spirit as the Queen is the head of the C of E and isn't alloowed to associate with Tims.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Aw this proddy and tim shite is just an embarrassment. The 'powers that be' point at rangers and celtic fans and tut tut whilst all the time they are as bad.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Incoming, red used to be Safeway. (The good old days...)

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rab, guaranteed. As far as I'm concerned all religion is a load of shite for the masses anyway, but as far as the Proddy/Tim thing is concerned if you cannae have a laugh about it, then you might as well pack it in. IMO though, the old firm should get rid of the Irish nutters who it seems to me cause most of any trouble there is, particularly at away games.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rab don't let your gaffers hear you say that about Safeways!

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