Monday 16 November 2009

HATE PREACHER ABU HAMZA GETS SPECIAL TAPS AND MASTERBATING MACHINE IN JAIL



The jail cells used by extremist Muslim preacher Mr Abu Hamza have been specially-adapted to accommodate his hook - prompting angry claims that prison officials are 'bowing down' to him.  The cells used by the 51-year-old - who is serving a seven-year sentence for inciting murder and preaching hate - have been fitted with lever taps costing £650, despite claims he is perfectly capable of using the standard twist ones.

Handrails were also put in the lavatories used by Mr Hamza, who is allowed to wear a prosthetic arm and hook inside the high-security Belmarsh prison.  An ARSE WIPING AID has also been installed as MR HAMZA kept RIPPING HIS HOLE WITH HIS HOOK when he wiped his fucking big arse.

Amid controversy it has also been revealed that MR HAMZA has been given a MASTERBATING MACHINE, A RUBBER VIBRATING FANNY for when he wants to have a SHERMAN, (cockney rhyming slang for a WANK-Sherman Tank), dreaming of his 60 VIRGINS.

"I don't feel we're treating him any differently"! said the Governer  his voice shaking with emotion as he lent across his desk being shagged by MR HAMZA from the back, "I have sexual relations with many of the inmates, it's a Government scheme to stop them re-offending, although so far quite a few of them want to come back."

There has also been riots in the prison about the length of time the TV set is tuned to an ARABIC STATION, although MR HAMZA has his own 48inch PLASMA SET in his double cell.  "We're trying to teach the western prisoners why we make them pray to ALLAH 5 times a day.  Some of them are moaning they are CHURCH OF E. but it's more or less the same GOD and it makes MR HAMZA feel at home", a spokesman added.

8 comments:

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

I beleive that all MI5/6 agents are free to exorcise their human rights in this manner. If I were him I'd volunteer for the Six Million Dollar Man research programme and get out early with all sorts of great enhancements. ;-)

Anonymous said...

The arse-wiping machine ... that would be Jack Straw doing his bit for multicultural relations, I suppose.

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!!! They could fit them with all sorts of gadgets like Swartzenigger (?) in that film where he says "I'll be back"! They could them send him out as a anti-muslim killing machine to wipe out all the believers, particularly the ones who like to blow themselves up.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Edgar, Er, it's Prince Charles actually, he who wants to be the Prince of all faiths. Well actually he's sent out Camilla as being a horsey kind of woman whe is much better at dealing with shite.

RantinRab said...

Top stuff DL!

McGonagall said...

Excellent expose DL.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Roberto, thank you. How's your holiday going?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert, I like to think I go where the Scotsman fears to tread. I am working towards a pullover prize! Just like those two that outed Nixon. Lol.