Monday, 16 November 2009

HATE PREACHER ABU HAMZA GETS SPECIAL TAPS AND MASTERBATING MACHINE IN JAIL



The jail cells used by extremist Muslim preacher Mr Abu Hamza have been specially-adapted to accommodate his hook - prompting angry claims that prison officials are 'bowing down' to him.  The cells used by the 51-year-old - who is serving a seven-year sentence for inciting murder and preaching hate - have been fitted with lever taps costing £650, despite claims he is perfectly capable of using the standard twist ones.

Handrails were also put in the lavatories used by Mr Hamza, who is allowed to wear a prosthetic arm and hook inside the high-security Belmarsh prison.  An ARSE WIPING AID has also been installed as MR HAMZA kept RIPPING HIS HOLE WITH HIS HOOK when he wiped his fucking big arse.

Amid controversy it has also been revealed that MR HAMZA has been given a MASTERBATING MACHINE, A RUBBER VIBRATING FANNY for when he wants to have a SHERMAN, (cockney rhyming slang for a WANK-Sherman Tank), dreaming of his 60 VIRGINS.

"I don't feel we're treating him any differently"! said the Governer  his voice shaking with emotion as he lent across his desk being shagged by MR HAMZA from the back, "I have sexual relations with many of the inmates, it's a Government scheme to stop them re-offending, although so far quite a few of them want to come back."

There has also been riots in the prison about the length of time the TV set is tuned to an ARABIC STATION, although MR HAMZA has his own 48inch PLASMA SET in his double cell.  "We're trying to teach the western prisoners why we make them pray to ALLAH 5 times a day.  Some of them are moaning they are CHURCH OF E. but it's more or less the same GOD and it makes MR HAMZA feel at home", a spokesman added.

12 comments:

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

I beleive that all MI5/6 agents are free to exorcise their human rights in this manner. If I were him I'd volunteer for the Six Million Dollar Man research programme and get out early with all sorts of great enhancements. ;-)

Edgar said...

The arse-wiping machine ... that would be Jack Straw doing his bit for multicultural relations, I suppose.

Dark Lochnagar said...

INCOMING!!!!! They could fit them with all sorts of gadgets like Swartzenigger (?) in that film where he says "I'll be back"! They could them send him out as a anti-muslim killing machine to wipe out all the believers, particularly the ones who like to blow themselves up.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Edgar, Er, it's Prince Charles actually, he who wants to be the Prince of all faiths. Well actually he's sent out Camilla as being a horsey kind of woman whe is much better at dealing with shite.

AMW said...

I hate this fat slipper slapping pig. The should have dumped him back where he belongs.

If people dont like this country and were not born in it then why the fuc# should we pay for them to eat out food and shit in our toilets.

As for the hook, sling yer hook!!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Top stuff DL!

scunnert said...

Excellent expose DL.

Dark Lochnagar said...

AMW You can't fool me spooks, you're just down on him because he's a fat bastard and takes up two seats on the bus. This is another case of Fatism. As for his hook, do you have any idea how difficult it is to eat a Pie Supper with a hook, particularly if it is a steak pie. No, No this is Hookism. I wasn't wanting to pull you up any more on your own blog, but there are too many isms. And if you want to say fuck, say it, don't think it and write it fuc#! lol.:-)

Dark Lochnagar said...

Roberto, thank you. How's your holiday going?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Scunnert, I like to think I go where the Scotsman fears to tread. I am working towards a pullover prize! Just like those two that outed Nixon. Lol.

Shades Of Ansel said...

Why are these muslims so fucking UGLY.Perhaps that's why they don't like Allah's face being shown.In case we all start laughing that such an ugly cunt is worshipped by so many other ugly cunts.how could we take them seriously otherwise.There you go.I've solved the problems of the world.Its because muslims are so fucking ugly,they feel the need to PROVE their exsistance on the planet,by blowing things up.I should be the next Prime Mentalist

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ansel, you could do worse than that fuckwit we've got at the moment. You may be right about the ugly thing because those twats in the photo have got their faces covered from which we can take the inference, that they're ugly cunts.