Wednesday, 14 October 2009

WOMAN CAUGHT SHAGGING WITH LORD FOULKES IN POLICE CAR PARK IS A LESBIAN!

MS RICHARDSON TURNS UP AT COURT. (what an ugly cow).


A WOMAN who was caught having sex with a man in a police car park said her behaviour was completely out of character – because she PREFERS A WOMAN'S FLAPS!
Leanne Richardson, 26, was fined after the incident at Portobello police station along with 70-year-old LORD FOULKES OF CUMNOCK. Edinburgh Sheriff Court heard how the pair were reprimanded after a member of the public spotted them SHAGGING LIKE A PAIR OF DOGS in a POLICE CAR PARK!


She said: "It is no secret I am gay. "I admit having my trousers and underwear down and MY TITS WERE UN- HOLSTERED. " A Police Spokesman said,"As soon as we realised what was happening we requested the two to stop, but it would appear that LORD FOULKES, who was at the trickly bit and hadn't CLIMAXED FOR SOME YEARS could not hear us and continued."

At this point police officers were forced to STICK A BATON UP THE GOOD LORD'S ARSE, thus causing him to climax ALL OVER THE CAR PARK which later had to be HOSED DOWN BY EDINBURGH FIRE BRIGADE!


THE LORD FOULKES, meanwhile is suing Lothian and Borders Police for sticking the BATON UP HIS ARSE without first applying KY JELLY, like" what they done the last time he went in Jail", the English language not being FOULKES FIRST LANGUAGE, explaining why he asks so many written, (BY SOMEONE ELSE), questions in HOLYROOD.

15 comments:

banned said...

Yuk ! she is certainly no loss to the normo community.

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

OK DL you are on scene take a five man search party and two timber wolves and find out what kind of lesbian she is.

Is she Strategic, Tactical, Operational or Opportunist. Or is she just confused. I put my money on the latter. What did she think Foulkesy was, a douche bag?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Incoming...It appears the Lesbo in question is a committed fanny fondler and let's face it who could blame her. She has a live in girlfriend and gave up on men after her previous partner died. I would suggest perhaps that he was either hopeless at the old cunnilingus or indeed was too good at it and she had to find a woman who was equally as good when he copped his wack.

Unfortunately in doing my research for this story, I have to admit that it came from the "Scotsman", a rag that I very rarely read nowadays due to it's anti-SNP bias. It's a bit like admitting your wife's on the game, not that she is of course.

Baron Martin of Springburn said...

I was in that car park investigating "dogging" as part of my new remit in the "other house".
I'd say that for a rugmuncher she was enjoying the meat insertion like a normal burd. And will report this to the House.
The Scotsman newspaper is a fair newspaper and gives everyone a fair crack of the whip. Except the SNP.

Dark Lochnagar said...

I bow to your eminence's knowledge Baron Martin. Was your greatness not tempted to insert one's penis in the erstwhile arse of your colleague before the constabulary stuck same arse with a baton?

Baron Martin said...

DL. Unfortunately my knobend is still a bit delicate after my session with Lord Fondleboys. He looks a delicate soul but loves it rough up his bum. But I will give Fatty a good seeing to in my chambers in due course. Hopefully Jackboots will be enobled and can join us soon. Yummy !

Shades Of Ansel said...

...'LORD FOULKES, who was at the trickly bit and hadn't CLIMAXED FOR SOME YEARS'...Haven't laughed so much in ages DL.Nice one.

Gigits said...

This is too funny, DL.

Too fucking funny!

Wardog said...

You do dogs an injustice here.

Foulkes rides again!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ansel, you suprise me that old Lord of the Ring has any sphincter power left after the pounding his shitepipe must have had. I would assume that he is unable to control the passage of farts from his fartube and this probably explains the large distance that the other enobled gentlemen sit away from him in the Lords. Either that or they just don't want to catch anything of a venereal variety. If I could suggest the npurchase of an old frencg loaf that has gone stale for Foulksy as he is keen on a bit of finger first.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Thank you for your kind comments, gentlemen. It pleases me that you are amused.

HeadsonPoles said...

Apologies - I'm new here.
WTF?

Dark Lochnagar said...

Headsonpoles. Your confusion is understandable. On this blog we like to rip the pish out of the establishment and the Scottish ones in particular. Some stories may be gleaned from the Press and "bent" slightly to include a prominent politician usually from Labour, cause they are fuckpigs. Keep reading and you'll get the drift quickly!

subrosa said...

Hey DL, Foulkes' first language should be English. He was born in England and didn't come to Scotland until he attended university.

How he picked up his 'Scottish' accent defeats me. I'm sure he had lessons.

JuanKerr.com said...

Dl I salute your raison detre. I notice my cyber stalker has taken to following me here and became a member.