A CARPET-MUNCHING soldier who was awarded nearly £190,000 after an employment tribunal found she was sexually harassed by MINISTER of DEFENCE, BOB AINSWORTH has had her payout INCREASED by more than £62,000. The Ministry of Defence launched an appeal after it was ordered to pay former Lance Bombardier Kerry Fletcher £186,895 following her successful claim for ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT FROM AN OLD WANKER WITH A TOUPEE! (I don't mean that he used his wig to assault her)
The MoD was ordered to pay Miss Fletcher £30,000 for injury to feelings, £20,000 to fund new DILDOS, £50,000 FOR NICE BIG NEW TITS and £65,558 for PLASTIC SURGERY to her face in case anyone recognised her and made a fool of her!
MINISTER AINSWORTH meanwhile is in negotiations with the TALIBAN and AL QU'EDA, both of whom want him to stay in his job.