Following on from the controversy over BENT BANANAS, the E.C. is to bring out legislation banning BENT ERECT PENISES, (OR PENII).
The legislation is required after GAYS complained that BENT PENISES are enlarging their ANAL CAVITIES to such an extent that sometimes surgical operations, ARSEPUCKERS, are required to remedy the situation. This problem however, doesn't seem to arise with women as their sexual cavities are designed for the purpose of intercourse and of course may at sometime be used for childbirth.
It is thought that this PENILE KINKING has been caused by men urinating, using the same hand time after time. MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES have also been blamed.
Under the legislation, MEN whose penis strays by more than 10% when ERECT will have to apply SPLINTS which in time should remedy the problem. These will be available freely on THE N.H.S.
Even men who are currently HETEROSEXUAL will have to undergo the treatment as under forthcoming legislation ALL MEN will have to UNDERGO A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER at least once in their lifetime, so that GAY HUMAN RIGHTS are not abused.