Friday, 9 October 2009

E.C. TO BAN BENT PENISES!

A PERFECTLY STRAIGHT PENIS PICTURED YESTERDAY

Following on from the controversy over BENT BANANAS, the E.C. is to bring out legislation banning BENT ERECT PENISES, (OR PENII).


The legislation is required after GAYS complained that BENT PENISES are enlarging their ANAL CAVITIES to such an extent that sometimes surgical operations, ARSEPUCKERS, are required to remedy the situation. This problem however, doesn't seem to arise with women as their sexual cavities are designed for the purpose of intercourse and of course may at sometime be used for childbirth.


It is thought that this PENILE KINKING has been caused by men urinating, using the same hand time after time. MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES have also been blamed.


Under the legislation, MEN whose penis strays by more than 10% when ERECT will have to apply SPLINTS which in time should remedy the problem. These will be available freely on THE N.H.S.


Even men who are currently HETEROSEXUAL will have to undergo the treatment as under forthcoming legislation ALL MEN will have to UNDERGO A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER at least once in their lifetime, so that GAY HUMAN RIGHTS are not abused.

12 comments:

humanrightsinnit said...

Just wait. The bent cock brigade will be demanding their right to keep their bent cocks.
The bent banana protesters got bent bananas re instated so I expect the Human Rights court in Europe will overthrow this legislation aswell.
And toilet floors all over Europe will continue to get pissed over due to these deviants.

Gigits said...

Those 'cock splints' may come in handy after 10 pints of cider...

INCOMING!!!!!!! said...

DL are you having some sort of crisis this week?

Check out next week's EU statute on queef suppressors for us and tell us what you think.

:-)

Shades Of Ansel said...

Sadly DL,I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised if every word I've just read,actually becomes a REALITY one day.With the loons already at the helm,let's face it,ANYTHING is possible and more than likely probable.Great piece tho DL.Made me laugh my dick off.

Barking Spider said...

Fucking hilarious, as usual, DL, LMFAO!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Humanrightsinit. There is nothing worse than coming out of the pish hoose after 10 pints to find the bastard in the stall next to you has pished on your suede shoes!

humanrightsinnit said...

DL I don't notice much after 10 pints !

Dark Lochnagar said...

Incoming!!!!! You may be right, I seem to be going through a particular minority bashing phase at the moment. Something must have annoyed me!

p.s. do you want me to check our queers or quiffs, which I believe was a particular part of a Teddy Boy's hairdo, although I was very young at the time.

banned said...

"under forthcoming legislation ALL MEN will have to UNDERGO A HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTER "
Ah, that explains why they are starting them young with compulsory Bender lessons for infants.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Aye Banned, I saw that. Fucking 5 year old. Unbelievable. You can guaranteed as well that they will teach them about homosexuality even at that age.

CrazyDaisy said...

DL,

It's legal in the Navy but not compulsary, apparently, if you don't push back you're not gay!

CD

Dark Lochnagar said...

Daisy, that's exactly what I tell my wife. You don't have to gyrate your hips just to kid me on your enjoying it. In fact a meaningful moan now and again is enough for me.