SMITH AND HARMAN-MUD SLINGING

HARRIET AND JACQUI "GO AT IT", TO SEE WHO WILL SUCCEED GORDON BROWN

At a secret location last night, the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith and the Deputy Leader of the Liebour Party, HARRIET MARMAN, had a frantic MUD WRESTLE to see who is going to succeed our worst PM since the 12 year old PITT THE JUNIOR.

As we await the outcome, due to overdue mud-caking, DVDs of the contest as filmed by Jacqui's shamed husband, PORNO PETE, are available at all good SEX SHOPS and on the DEREK DRAPER WEBSITE, priced at £19.99. The nude version which includes a box of tissues can be purchased for the knocker down price of £3.99.

Next week's contest will be 10 times 3 minute rounds between, HAZEL "THE WEE YAPPY BASTARD" BLEARS AND JOHN "THE BRUISER" PRESCOTT.

SPEEDOS will be worn by both contestants.