21% OF MEN AREN'T GIVING THEIR PARTNER THE ORGASM THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE!

It will come as no surprise to most women, but men think they perform better than they really do in the bedroom.

Some 85 per cent of men said the last person they slept with had an orgasm, according to new a U.S. survey.

Yet when the researchers asked women the same question, just 64 per cent agreed.

The ‘orgasm’ gap is being blamed by experts on men being happy to please themselves without ensuring their partner is satisfied.

To illustrate the point, the study found that men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, whilst women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts.

I for one am fed up of diving off the top of the wardrobe to give my wife an organism.  Mind you this survey was done in America and I'm sure that British men are better at giving sexual satisfaction!  

I'm not sure if a gay man can orgasm when his partner is having Botty intercourse and I have fucking no desire to find out.  Perhaps that Anonymous bastard knows!

ADVERT FOR SEX PILLS BANNED AFTER MAN REMAINS FLACCID!

An advertisement for tablets that guaranteed "the sex life of your dreams" has been banned after a man complained that it didn't work and demanded his money back. 

The manufacturers of Nytric EFX claimed to offer a 100% no-quibble money-back guarantee. The Nytric EFX advert stated that the pills - which cost £16.95 for 60 - would make you last longer in bed and would let you have sexual intercourse "over and over again".   The makers, Stirling Health Ltd, promised: "Just two of these amazing aphrodisiac pills a day, will give much better and longer lasting erections and lovemaking, with more orgasms and a lot more enjoyment.

That's nothing.  Someone once told me OYSTERS were an aphrodisiac and I had six and only four of them worked and that's been in a year and a half!

THE 'G' SPOT-DOES IT EXIST AND HAS YOUR PARTNER GOT ONE?

A sexual quest that has for years baffled millions of women — and men — may have been in vain. A study by British scientists has found that the mysterious G-spot, the sexual pleasure zone said to be possessed by some women but denied to others, may not exist at all.
The scientists at King’s College London who carried out the study claim there is no evidence for the existence of the G-spot — supposedly a cluster of internal nerve endings — outside the imagination of women influenced by magazines and sex therapists. They reached their conclusions after a survey of more than 1,800 British women.


Beverly Whipple, emeritus professor at Rutgers University, New Jersey, helped to popularise the G-spot, named after Ernst Gräfenberg, a German scientist who claimed to have discovered the elusive erogenous zone in 1950.  This weekend she dismissed the findings of the British study as “flawed”, saying the researchers had discounted the experiences of lesbian or bisexual women and failed to consider the effects of different sexual technique.

Meanwhile, David Matlock, a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon, is credited with creating an artificial version of the G-spot. In some cases this has resulted in an over-sensitive zone which induces orgasms when, for example, women drive over bumps in the road.

This may explain some women's somewhat erratic driving and the fact that speed-bumps were invented by a woman to give her a wee bit of pleasure as she picked the kids up from school!

WOMEN! - MEN TO BE OBSELETE BY XMAS!

SCIENTISTS INVENT DILDO THAT CAN REMOVE SPIDERS


MEN were declared obsolete last night after scientists finally perfected a dildo that can remove spiders from a bathtub.

You're the best, Icky-Spider Dildo The invention, described as the 'Holy Grail of dildo technology' will come with a free scrunchy and a bag of synthetic sperm and be in the shops in time for a man-free Christmas.

Inventor Professor Holly Brubaker said: "Upon discovering a spider the woman simply points the dildo at it and presses the big, pink button marked 'icky spider'."The dildo will emit an ultrasonic pulse and the spider will then run as fast as it can for the nearest available exit."She added: "The woman can then return to pleasuring herself by candlelight while eating a big bowl of chocolate buttons and reading about the fat parts of all the celebrities she watches on Living TV.

"News of the breakthrough has led to a wave of nostalgia among women for the men they will soon be chasing down the garden path with one of their own golf club.

Emma Bradford, from Peterborough, said: "I think what I'll miss most is being spoken to like a child by someone who thinks he's the cleverest person in the world because he read the answers to all the Trivial Pursuit questions when he was 15.

"Jane Gerving, from Hatfield, said: "I'll miss living with the funniest man in the universe. He's just so very fucking funny. All the time."She added: "And of course, I'll miss the farts. The unrelenting tsunami of God awful, eye-watering, gut-wrenching farts.

CHEEKY BASTARDS. ARE WE GOING TO TAKE THIS LYING DOWN MEN?