LABOUR MINISTER EARNING £96K CLAIMS WOMEN NEED EXPENSES FOR CLEANERS!

Labour Minister, Helen Goodman the Labour MP for Bishop Auckland who earns £96,167 claims that women will be put off becoming MPs if they are not allowed to claim expenses for cleaners.

"It's not fair" she bleated "women do most of the cleaning and we need money to pay our cleaners. I aways pay my cleaner 10 pence over the minimum wage to encourage her. After tax and national insurance she nearly has enough to pay her bus fare home some weeks, if she buys a super saver ticket"! " and it's not as if I even ask her to wash my clatty knickers" she added, " they're usually so badly encrusted after a day sitting on the Government benches that I put them straight in the bucket, before my husband gets home and sniffs them".

" He's a pervert, don't you know, loves nothing better than to walk about the house with a pair of my dirty knickers on over his head. He says the rancid whiff helps to clear his head after a long day. Some days he even eats his consomme through them although the pheasant casserole out of Marks can present a problem. The jelly however is usually manageable unless the cook uses too much gelatin."

For further details go to www.howtoeatapairofcrustyknickers.com

NUMBER CRUNCHING-GORDON BROWN STYLE

7 Months since GORDON BROWN boasted in a speech on the global economy that "Britain is better place to benefit as the storm passes, as pass it will".

7 Countries that have emerged from the recession ahead of Britain since then.

456,700 Total number of civil servants when GORDON BROWN announced job cuts and efficiency measures in 2004

522,930 Total number of civil servants now.

19 Number of MPs in Turks and Caicos who have been removed from office by direct rule from the U.K. for "high probability of systematic corruption or serious dishonesty.

182 Number of M.P.s who have paid back expenses they claimed without justification.

I leave it to yourselves should you wish to comment!